The Joys of Public Transportation

This past week was a test of wills. My wills. My will to have the patience to take public transportation to and from work everyday because of my car debacle. Luckily, I had a good book to read and it made it all bearable.

Unfortunately, the only time I didnt have my book - all hell broke loose. On my way home on Thursday, I realize after I've gotten on the train that I had left my book at work. So I decide to just sit back and people watch. I really have to thank the 65 year old man who played his guitar badly and sang even worse to entertain me. I'd also like to thank the abnoxious 5 year old that kept trying to sit on my leg to talk to her mother. Not only was she going anywhere she felt like, but she was rude to people around her. I didnt feel all that bad when I "accidentally" stepped on her foot as I got out of my seat to get off the train. Life sucks kid, suck it up.

I had opted to take a new way home and it worked out pretty well. So well, that I opted to do the same thing into work. My goal was to jump on the bus to Pershing Square in Downtown LA then hop on the Red Line to my exit for work. Sounded simple right? RIGHT?!?!

The day before, the bus had picked me up at Olive and 5th. So I was waiting for Olive and 5th the next morning. But Olive and 5th never came. See, I didnt realize that on the way down, the bus goes on Grand and on the way back it comes up Olive. This information could have been helpful, especially when I ended up being kicked off at the end of the line near Staples Center.

Here is the thing - I wasnt lost. I knew exactly where I was. But for a split second, I felt hopeless. I dont know why, I just did - the thought of calling my dad actually crossed my mind even though I knew there was nothing he could do about it. The bus driver was kind enough to tell me to walk up one block to Olive and most of the buses would pass by Pershing Square. I knew from my Kings game experiences, that I could have just walked up a few streets and caught the Blue line to 7th/Metro station and switch to the Red Line. I mostly just felt stupid for not paying enough attention and putting the 2 and 2 together to get off at 5th and walk over a few blocks to the station. Being oblivious is something I hate being, I need to know and I need to do. If I dont, I figure it out, then I do. I ask a few bus drivers if they indeed passed by Pershing Square and I did get a few no's with the doors slamming in my face (nice). Finally, I got a live one. As I was trying to put my dollar in, I was telling the driver about my mistake. He got a good laugh out of it and let me ride for free to the station.

I doubt any this would have happened if I had had my book because I would have been so freaked out about missing it, I would have paid more attention. The upside to all this is that I was able to see LA in a new light. I had never seen the Disney Concert Hall as well as the MOCA. I never realized just how busy LA is in the morning. Not to mention how balanced life seems to be, with coffee shop owners having breakfast ready for their patrons to workers arriving at the jobs just in time. It was nice to see that side of LA and realizing why I really do love this city so much with the absent-minded harmony we have with one another. I may have to ride the public transportation a bit more.

Well, I Guess I Was Due

Its been a good couple of weeks for yours truly.

Got a promotion at work. Been happily busy with Jake and friends. I have even been enjoying Tango with the weird Chinese guy snapping his fingers at me to dance with him (I wish I was kidding). And I can't forget to mention that Psych and My Boys are back on the air for the summer.

But this weekend, the Ying to my Yang caught up.

My devil car died on me. It didnt even have the decency to die in my parking spot! Oh no, it picked the off ramp on the 60 freeway in Chino to ask for its last rites. I knew I had been tempting fate for a while with my ride so it doesnt completely surprise me. And I should be grateful that I was with my parents (instead of alone with Jake) and near my friend's house when it happened. I just have no luck with vehicles as of late - so I'll be hitting the Metro all week. At least I have my latest Thursday Next novel to keep me company.

Now, if I could only find my damn debit card things could start looking up.

Movie Review: The Simpsons Movie

OK - one word: VERY FUNNY! Alright, that was two words.

Actually this review isnt about the movie itself (although I must say that I'm scarred for life where Bart is concerned). No, this review is more of a statement. I've come to be spoiled when it comes to movie going experiences. And this viewing of The Simpsons Movie proves it.

When I went to see Dreamgirls at the Arclight, I was surrounded by the people who would most appreciate the movie. Yes, those lovely boys who I wouldnt have dares shhh'd when Jennifer Hudson finished her take on that showstopping number - you guys know what I'm talking about.

When I went to see Transformers at the Arclight, I was surrounded by people who had the tenacity to hoot and holler and cheer when Optimus Prime said lines from the original cartoon. And yes, I mocked but deep down inside I wanted to be screaming too.

When I went to see The Simpsons Movie at the Santa Anita AMC - it was a mistake! There were times in the movie when I was laughing all by myself...and many of you have heard my laugh, it ain't pretty. I was shocked...no...dare I say appalled at the lack of humor in that crowd. There was no sense of camaraderie to experience these 2 hours together and watch an artist's vision come alive on the big screen. Nothing. Zip. Zilch. NADA.

I am making a stand now my loyal reader(s). Any movie that I have any sort of anticipation of seeing, I will only see at the Arclight. If a movie somewhat piques my interest, then I will consider going elsewhere (and probably end up paying a matinee price on a Sunday morning). The Arclight will now be my default theater for my movie going experiences.

I knew that those pesky crepes that are sold in the food court were going to be my downfall - damn you Santa Anita AMC and your liberal outside food policy, DAMN YOU!

America's Got Talent Made Jake Cry! BASTARDS!

I guess I shouldn't say America's Got Talent but more like the general American population that voted. Jake loves watching the show and he absolutely adored a band on there called "Jonny Come Lately". Jonny Come Lately's members are teenagers who play music from Elvis Presley, Queen, and The Stray Cats.

Needless to say, they were not voted through to the next round and Jake was visibly upset when the group SIDESWIPE (a martial arts troupe that got by on their abs) got the last spot in the finals. I wish I was kidding, I had to console the poor kid!

At least we got our votes in for Boy Britney this time around.

Not As Dumb As I Look

My car has been more drama in the past 6 months than in the 3 and change years that I've had it total. I've needed to get it smogged for my registration and if it wasnt one thing it was another. I finally had gotten the mysterious check engine light to disappear and now, it was time!

Now, remember my trip to Vegas a few posts down and how it leaked oil most of the way to and from Sin City? I kept an eye on the oil and decided before I go get it smogged, that I was going to get an oil change just to be safe.

So off I go to the local EZ Lube with my (expired) coupon for 40% off the full service deal. I know this coupon is expired but I'm going to use my negotiating skills that I've developed at work to make this happen.

When I arrive to the EZ Lube I'm greeted by a man who you know was a car salesman in his previous life. He introduces himself and explains the services they offer. I tell him that all I'm really interested in getting is an oil change and that I have my coupon. He looks at the coupon and says "Well ma'am, this coupon is expired. Let me check with my manager if we are able to accept it." He leaves and while he's gone, his group of merry men are chatting it up with me a bit. One guy is especially obvious that he's hitting on me, which is pretty good for the ego considering I just rolled out of bed to get cracking on my car errands for the day.

Mr Helperman comes back to inform me that they can't give me the coupon discount because its expired - however, I can go to the EZLube website and print out another coupon and bring it back to them. Now...why would a business send me home to get a coupon? This was going to be easier than I thought. I pulled out the doe eyes and say "But I dont have a printer at home." He looks at me and says, "Well, see here, there is a code at the bottom of the coupon that I need in order to give you the discount." I look him straight in the eye and say "If you only need the code, can't you just look at the coupon on the website to get the code and input it into your computer?" Yeah, got him with that one.

So he asks to pull my car in to do a check on it, I explain about the oil leak and that I just really want the oil changed for the smog check I'm on my way to. Yes, yes, I know - I screwed up with that one. They have me wait in the little waiting room and he comes in to tell me the services they are suggesting I get for "the good of my car". Most of everything he is suggesting "would improve my chances of passing the smog test". I love how they use fear to upsell. When I looked at the initial quote, my mouth actually dropped - $312.40. I walked in with a coupon for a $19.99 oil change people! So he's throwing all this stuff in there, like a free air filter and a free fuel injection somethingorother, which would bring the price down to around$200. Meanwhile, the guy that had been flirting with me is behind him mouthing the words - "Don't do it!" I swear it was a circus. And then, he showed his cards, he said "Well, I'll give you the discounted price for the full service oil change if you get these services."

HELLO! The elusive code appears.

I tell him that the only thing I will get is an air filter and he can go ahead and give me the discount that he knows I came in for. He's trying to call me on how he just can't do that. And I tell him its crap because I can see that he's inputting the code right in front of me. I'm doing him a favor by purchasing an air filter from him because I can easily go to Kragen's or Pep Boys and get one myself and change it out. He knows he's beat. The only other time I saw a salesperson's face fall so quickly was when I was trying to buy my first new car with my dad and the man had the audacity to try to negotiate with my father instead of me, even though it was my money. But thats for another time.

So after my oil change, I head over to the smog place. The nice men at the smog place told me that my car was a piece of shit and not to bother putting any more money into the engine because it might die on me any minute, including while they were doing the test. I hear them revving up my engine and I'm just praying it doesnt die. Pass or fail, I would like for my car to at least be able to drive me home. As I'm waiting for the results, it feels like I'm at the hospital waiting to hear how a loved one had come through a surgery. The tech walks in and the first thing I said was , "Pass, Fail, or car dead?" He said "Pass" and I yelled "Sweet Jesus!".

Oh, Happy Day!

Today was a good day...dare I saw GREAT day.

I love it when people show their appreciation and they are able to voice your value aloud.

Oh yes, absolutely, fabulous day.

MICHAEL BOOOOOBLAAAYYYY!!!

On Friday, I embarked on a journey.

Destination: Las Vegas
Mission: To See Michael Buble' In Concert

I have to admit some roadblocks that were laid out for my mission.
1) I was supposed to get tickets for his show in August at the Greek Theater, but the show sold out so fast, I wasn't able to buy any.
2) My devil car was getting a little work done and I actually didn't get it back until the night before I left town.
3) I wont lie - I was broke.

Friday morning, I pack the car with the kid and all of my stuff (including some laundry I could do there) to head to my brother's abode in beautiful and hot as hell Las Vegas. Between Baker and Stateline, I notice that my oil light has turned on. Hmmm...last time it did this - it had no oil. But I had JUST gotten it checked out - what was my devil car up to? I kept an eye on the oil light and realized that it wasn't just turning on to say hi -but something was up. So I turn off onto one of those exits that has a scary gas station where you feel you wont survive if crack a bad joke. We get out of the car and sure enough - I have a leak. I check the oil and it seems fine, but I put another quart in just in case and hop back on the freeway because Jake had already started the "Are we there yet?" routine about 20 minutes before. It was a godsend to see Stateline so I can finally say "YES! We are in Nevada!".

I get to my brother's house and we are waiting for my parents to arrive to eat. Finally they arrive and the weekend festivities begin. The next day, my cell decides to randomly call numbers. Like the phone is possessed or something - its closed and sitting on the floor when BAM, it starts calling a number. I take out the battery, the sim card, and even give it a few whacks for good luck and to no avail. The phone is inoperable. The only thing that works on the phone is the on/off button. Which, by the way, doesn't matter that the phone is completely turned off because my cell phone alarm still went off and now that I'm typing this, I think I'm going to take it to the church tomorrow to have it exorcised.

So Saturday night rolls around and my wonderful sister in law and I head to the concert at the MGM Grand. Now - I know that I am not the most punctual person. But there are a few times in my life where I want to be where I need to be at the precise time my ticket says to be. Most of those are hockey games, especially when Canadian teams are in town so I can hear their national anthem, but that is neither here nor there.

The show starts at 8pm. We arrive at the (packed) parking lot at 7:50pm. My sister in law can see that this is giving me some sort of tick and drops me off at the entrance of the arena at 7:58pm after circling the lot a few times with no success. I grab my ticket and run into the arena. Luckily there is an opening act, Jann Arden who was fabulous and funny as hell. But because I dont have my cell phone - I cannot call and tell Missy that she had time. Oh and did I forget to mention that my camera's battery died? Um yeah....

So Missy shows up right when Jann Arden is wrapping up and we have a few minutes to gather ourselves before the performance.

Now - let me say that I am not one of those ladies that will scream and swoon over a singer or actor. The last time I got all starry eyed was when I met Donnie "I was in New Kids On The Block" Wahlberg about 6 years ago at Universal Studios. And by starry eyed, I mean when I got in front of coworkers that knew who he was I actually did the clapping and jumping up and down thing and shrieked "OH MY GOD! I JUST SAW DONNIE WALBERG FROM NKOTB!" Nowadays, I will stalk quietly and subtly but I will keep it together for appearances sake. And you bet your ass that I will text everyone that I feel my sighting will have the same giddy response to it.

But then...then came Michael Buble'. Michael Buble' is in one word DREAMY. He's handsome. He sings. I learned that night that he's funny in a campy sort of way. And any man that refers to anything, especially himself, as fantabulous, cannot be bad in my book. This video is from a concert he performed and I can tell you that he had just finished running through the audience.



The concert was so awesome! I cannot begin to tell you how much fun we had laughing at his jokes and singing along to his songs. One of my favorite bits of the night was when he got offended that after his band played without him singing, everyone cheered really loud. He stood there and would stop singing and kept saying "But I'm the star! How can you cheer louder for them?" and then stormed off stage, throwing the microphone on the stage and everything. One of the trombone players got up and apologized for the "Buble' Diva" and proceeded to sing in his place because the show must go on! Of course Michael came back and the show continued. You can tell he was having a great time on stage and he is one hell of a performer. I may have to suck it up and buy a ticket to see him in LA next month.

And yes - I did go apeshit at the end of the show and started screaming for Michael to do the encore. I freely admit it!

SWEET VICTORY!!!

WE WON OUR GAME LAST NIGHT!!!!

This may not be a big deal to anyone not on our team but this was our very first win of the season. It went down in dramatic fashion no less - tied going into the top of the ninth inning. The opposing team scores three runs and we finally get them out to have our shot.

Vim - pops out

Rosemary - Walks

David - Single

Burhan - Single

Will - Lines Out

Bases loaded - 2 outs...Evan up to the plate - he has hit 2 homeruns in this game alone.

Evan - Doubles up the center

Two Runs score! We are down by one with the winning run on second base.

Adam up to bat....hits a loop past first - Burhan scores from third...they mishandle the throw, Adam is safe at first! Meanwhile, Evan is running from second base to score and sweet jesus we win!!! When I say that we jumped up like little kids and ran, yes, RAN into the field to celebrate - I am not exaggerating.

We looked like this:

I swear I was so happy, I nearly cried. I even called Jacob who was with his dad and told him....do you know what he said, "FINALLY!" No respect, even from the kid.

Who cares - WE WON!!! Two more games left and we play this team one more time. YAY!!!

Our Trip To The Kwik-E-Mart

Ever wonder how it would be to step into a Simpson's cartoon? Well, some 7-11's across the country are giving the people an opportunity to find out.

The one in Burbank is on our way home, so I opted to give it a whirl. Let me just say how entertaining it is to be in there! First of all, we had to wait in line to get in. I felt like I was waiting to go into a club with the rent-a-cop as the door man. I guess because of fire codes they could only have so many people in the 7-11 at a time, so when three people came out, three went in.

Got to meet Apu!

The don't miss the little details huh...


The food selection is amazing!



Even Jake found a new friend.

MMMM - DONUTS!


Short on cash? The Bank of Springfield looks like a good bet.

No Apu, thank YOU for the memories...THANK YOU...

A Reason To Random Drug Test Employees

Softball

We lost yet again last night. I hate the team we played and I mean HATE. I would rather listen to a speech made by Bush than to play this team H.A.T.E. I was convinced that their shortstop, pitcher, and catcher were drunk.

Thank goodness we only have 3 games left and its against teams we like to play.

Snow, Snow, Kick, Kick, Snow

Oh yeah...tonight I embarked on my 10 week journey of fabulous entertainment. I'm crossing something off of my life list - Learn How To Dance The Tango.

Yup, Iliana and I signed up at our local Parks and Rec office for this course and let me say - WOW. Nothing I can say can live up to the awesomeness of this class. Let me give you a little statistical lowdown.

Total people in class: 40
Women: 22
Men: 18
Over 50 years old: 85% of the class
Not Asian: Iliana, this girl Christa, a middle aged couple and moi.

Iliana's partner was 4'11", Iliana is 5'7"!!!! With her heels - he had a goood luck at the girls all night long. This was a particular conversation that transpired between them:

(After doing some outlandish moves, that are more for Salsa than Tango)
Mr 4-11: How much do you weigh?
Iliana: Um, why?
Mr 4-11: So I can pick you up?
Iliana: WHHHAAAATT?!?!?!
Mr 4-11: Like 120?
Iliana: I WISH!
And then while he would dance he would say "Slow, Slow, Quick, Quick, Slow" and then clap his heels together like Dorothy wishing to return to Kansas.
Meanwhile, Iliana was trying to overcome his unfortunate odor, that was a combination of garlic and b.o. (her words not mine!)

As for me, I lucked out in the partner department. I met Jerry - an asian man in his mid-40's who was rather light on his feet. And who would say "Snow, Snow, Kick, Kick, Snow!" as we moved along the dance floor doing the promenade and the fans; which Iliana and I will never EVER learn properly because our partners DONT KNOW HOW TO DO IT RIGHT!

I wonder if Netflix has a How To Tango DVD...

BUT the best part....was when Iliana's partner ASKED HER OUT! Yes....

ASKED
HER
OUT

To a club to "practice their moves". I remember this same scenario in Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. I wonder if it would turn out the same way for Iliana and Mr 4-11. You know, end up kicking ass on a national televised dance-off against the mean rich girl. When does Paris get out of jail again?

What do you give a screaming child in a restaurant to make him stop?

BUTTER!!!

Well - at least it worked for Bruce

Best Fight Scene - EVER!

There is cheese and then there is CHEESE!

Derry might move up a few spots on my myspace Top Friends section for sending me this. I know Evan is going to love it - oh yeah Evan, I went there! p/s Tell (ask nicely) your wife to call me back.

Highlights:
1) The conveniently oiled up chests
2) The backspring somersault
3) "Yeah, See Ya!"

ENJOY....

Oh Those Damn Ducks!

What sucks more?

Your child selling out to the Ducks ~OR~ Considering selling out yourself

Game 3 is tonight and I'm actually tempted to cheer for the DU...C...K...S. Typing it was harder than I thought.

A friend texted after their Game 2 victory that they have a solid shot of doing this. I agree! Ottawa hasnt been able to keep up and Giggy is back on his game. I'm not discrediting the Ducks being a good team - they are. They have enough experience to drive to the net and go for the win (unlike the Kings who I am still pissed at they sent Mattias Nostrom to the Dallas Stars, even though we did get Jack Johnson - was still a horrible move that probably wouldn't have happened if they didnt sell out and gotten Rob Blake to come back to LA to fill the "name" requirement that disappeared when Luuuuuc retired).

So if you are a die hard fan and your rival shows up in the big show - do you suck it up and cheer for them because they are the best team or do you stick to your guns?

Let me know because I have to practice my quacks for tonight's game.

Lost Your Mojo?

Rite Aid has everything! And at reasonable prices.

We should alert Austin Powers.

Introducing - TUNAK!!

This is just full of awesomeness...

Softball!!

I've been sitting at my computer trying to figure out how to type up my feelings on my softball team. Its been a whole 5 minutes and I'm drawing a blank. Usually, when I have a blog to post, its basically written in my head by the time I get to the keyboard - but not tonight!

Lets just list the items that come to mind and see how that goes:
1) We have played 4 games and we are 0-4.
2) We have been mercy ruled 3 of those 4 times.
3) We play at a park that is frequented by transexuals and lets just say that Jake had quite an interesting look on his face on our first night at the park.
4) I finally got a hit last night!! I got a single and ended up scoring a run. And yes, when I got to first I started screaming, "I got a hit! I got a hit!" While standing at 2nd base, the second baseman jokingly told me to calm down - I told him to relax and let me relish my moment.
5) Some people take softball REALLY seriously.
6) Apparently, its a tactic for other girls on the teams to wear really short shorts and a push up bra in lieu of a sports bra. I may have to rethink my wardrobe.
7) If you are standing in right field - you dont get many balls hit to you...unless the guy is a lefty and shoots a line drive right at your head!
8) When I was the catcher, I was told to talk trash to get into their heads. Apparently, my teammates didnt mean flirting with the players.
9) If you are playing catcher, you can inhale really hard and get a good contact high from the guy on his bike behind the fence.
10) Is it a normal for someone to basically pass out from exhaustion when you get home from playing a game? Just asking

Reason 10,436 Why I Love My Kid

Conversation that Jacob and I had while watching the Red Wings/Ducks game on Sunday afternoon.

Jake: Mom - who are you cheering for?
Me: Hmm - probably the Red Wings - why? Are you cheering for the Ducks?
Jake: Of course! If the Kings arent playing - then I'm going to cheer for the Ducks!
Me: But you cant cheer for the Ducks if you are a Kings fan...its called a rivalry. If I had to choose between the Red Wings and the Ducks than I choose the Red Wings.
Jake: But you dont have to choose - you can just cheer for the Ducks, like me!
Me: You know, you are right - I shouldnt have to tell you who to cheer for. No one should. You have to make that choice on your own and decided what you like and what you dont like, just as long as you try everything out, right?
Jake: Right mommy.
Me: But there is one thing we do agree on right?

Jake takes a long moment to think about it...

Jake: Yes! Bush is an idiot!

The Royal Treatment

This morning I had my physical. Ahh - physical - with the physical comes an annual exam that tends to humiliate about 50% of the population.

I show up to the offices bright and early, almost excited to get rid of this thing on my "To Do" list. As I'm waiting in the exam room, this very cute boy comes in and introduces himself as Chris. Chris is a 3rd year med student that is going to be taking my history and answer any questions I may have before the exam actually begins.

I'm really too enthralled with Chris's boyish good lucks to realize that I'm answering his questions in a flirty/sarcastic way. I've almost convinced myself that Chris is flirting back! Is he really? How old is he? Is this professional? If it isnt, do I really care? No, I don't.

I answer the sex questions.
I answer the trick questions to find out if I'm depressed or not.
I answer the exercise/diet questions.

I'm almost home free!

He excuses himself while I change. My doctor comes back and asks me if I have any problems with Chris doing the actual exam...Chris...my cute doctor boy! I resolve that this would be my lot in life and say its fine. I do have a hard time actually "giving him access" because I've realized who Chris reminds me of. As I'm laying there, I'm thinking "Prince William is giving me a pap".



Nice knowing you William - you owe me dinner and a few drinks.

Whats the best way to perk up a Sunday?

Have a cute (younger) guy ask for your number at the supermarket.

I'm Famous!

I got on Pink is the New Blog!



Hey Anna - look at the bottom of the screen shot...LOL, I wonder what Melissa does all day at work...hmmmmm?

Ice, Ice Baby

I forgot a cardinal rule in first aid care for injuries - ice first then heat. That little trick would have saved me a week of aches and pains.

Last Saturday morning, while trying to do the lazy/stubborn thing of bringing all of my laundry up in one trip, I forgot to lift with my legs and thus lifted with my back. I immediately grabbed my back in agony and slowly took the hamper up, step by step, to my apartment on the 2nd floor. After I got there, I laid down on my bed and tried to relax and make the pain go away but to no avail.

I went downstairs to ask my neighbor for some advice since he suffers from back pain and he had a few suggestions. I'm sure the ice thing was said by people, but I didnt hear it. He gave me a heating pad thing that I could put on my back and as I went out the door for a birthday party, I slapped it on and went on my merry way. Now this thing was really helping - I was able to stand and even be rather charming. When I got home, I went to bed in hopes of feeling better and getting over this pain by Monday.

Oh I was so wrong.

Sunday, I basically stayed in bed all day - watching Battlestar Gallactica on dvd (I am not a geek! It was recommended highly by several friends). And the pain continued...it wasnt just soreness but actual pain! Pain when I sat up, pain when I got up, pain pain pain!

Monday rolls around and I go to work. Today is a bit better - I can sit and walk but I cant do any sudden movements or stand up with any sort of speed or grace. One of my coworkers recommends those icy/hot pads to put on my skin to help with the soreness.

Let me state that Icy/Hot pads are the freakiest things ever. One minute they are cool, then all of a sudden hot. Yes, I got the wise ass remarks of "duh, icy/hot is in the name" but seriously! I felt like I was going through menopause!

I'm finally just sore in one specific spot and I can run up the stairs, not that I have any need to run anywhere. I feel like I learned a major lesson about the importance of icing an injury. Just like my cousin learned one about which one is right: acid to water or water to acid.

Things To Do When You Are At Home Taking Care Of Your Sick Child

- Wash Dishes
- Fix vacuum cleaner CHECK!
- Check Email CHECK!
- Clean Bathroom
- Watch Oprah CHECK!
- Admire yourself for fixing vacuum cleaner CHECK!
- Forget to mail Netflix back because you need to find out if Commander Adama is ok from the Battlestar Gallactica season 1 finale CHECK!
- Clean Living Room
- Get your ass kicked by your 5 year old on Game Cube CHECK!
- Give up on the hold out to turn on the AC when its not even June yet because its 90 freaking degrees outside CHECK!
- Mop Kitchen

Lots of things I got done...of course none of the important ones...oh well!

Martinis + Empty Stomach = Not Good

Yes, that maybe something that should have occured to me before I pounded 5 French Martinis down...but it didn't. It did however, occur to me after I was sick for most of the night.

Now, normally I wouldnt post this story because well, I dont want stories of myself sick and drunk flying around the net...but something happened that night that in the end, could only happen to me. So let me start at the beginning.

A group of coworkers and I went out for drinks on a fateful Friday night. I hadnt eaten because 1) it was Friday during lent and everything in front of me was made of meat and couldnt prepare for the night of intoxication and 2) wasnt planning to do all that drinkin'! This bartender was making these martinis that were so yummy and I was wrapped up in some conversation that I just kept drinking..and drinking...and...well you get the picture. We opted to move to another bar and as we were getting ready to go - I stand up and realize...damn...I had too many martinis.

So off we go to another bar. And there I am - drunk walking down Hollywood Blvd. I turn to Rozi and we were just having a grand time looking at the people (yes, I know the irony that I was laughing at someone else). And I stop and say "I want to talk a picture!" then I find my prize - Vin Scully's star. It was perfect! The Dodgers had just started their season and it was in the air to do something spontanous. So I lay down and proceed to hug Vin Scully's star, on Hollywood Blvd, on a Friday night, and I'm drunk.

Now, you would think that the infamy of that night would stop there because really...what else could go wrong right?

After she takes the shot (and I'm still on the floor laughing my ass off), I hear "PRIMA?!?" Which means "Cousin" in Spanish. Yup, my cousin is at his part time job of parking cars and I happen to pick THE ONE SPOT that he would be at to do this. He comes over and helps me up and makes a wisecrack about my state of mind. I hug him and walk away...knowing full well that he's going to call his sister, who is going to call her mother in Guatemala, who will call my aunt in New York, who will most definitely call my dad here and tell him what happened. CRAP.

So we make our way to our watering hole and I sit down to try to calm my stomach down. Meanwhile, one of my cohorts makes a wisecrack at the bouncer and she's no longer welcome in the bar...while another coworker tries to sort it out we are all asked not to enter the establishment! I havent even had a drink inside and I'm already being kicked out? WTF?

After some smooth talking and some ass kissing we are let in...and I head to the restroom to make my peace with the porcelain god.

The next day, I had to fess up to my dad what happened. I would rather have him hear it from me than from my aunt. But what do you suppose happens? HE CALLS MY AUNT TO TELL HER! Damn him.

SHUT UP! Its been a month?

Ok - so maybe the people have a reason to a little upset with me that I havent posted. Sorry folks! Much stuff has been going on - some good and some not good but c'est la vie.

We have soldiered through and survived!

I promise (really this time) a new and more dedicated poster. I have some stuff that has happened that will be posted and other stuff that will be left untold. But in the end - you get what you want, me posting...that is if you are still out there.

Upcoming on the blog!
~ I realize (yet again) why I don't drink martinis
~ Softball has started and I'm assigned "Backup Outfielder", which is sort of pathetic because its softball.
~ HEROES rules as THE BEST show on television...
~ Watching cartoons with a 5 yr old gets more interesting when you add your own storylines.
~ You have to lift with your legs...not your back...a hard lesson to learn.

What's wrong with this picture?

What do you see when you see this picture? What is the FIRST thing that pops into your mind?

Yeah...thats all I'm sayin' without having to spell it out for people.

P/S Its the World's Tallest Man and he got himself a wife.

You know what song I'm thinking about?

ITS A SMALL WORLD. Yup, yes it is.

Last night after my softball practice (um, yeah, dont ask), the Jakeman wanted to go to the rink and watch the roller hockey game. While we were sitting there watching the game, I noticed that one guy had a jersey with a last name on the back of it. A strangely familiar last name. So I called a friend to see if she knew what had happened to this person we last saw 12 years ago in high school.

I got her voicemail, where I might add, I proceeded to leave a rambling message that only a few people are priviledged to receive from me. So after I hung up, I wondered how curious I was to see if this was the same person from high school. I asked the girl sitting the stands if she knew the team in black - no luck. She suggested that I just scream the name to see if it was him. Normally, I would not be opposed to screaming random guys' names in parks - however, I was tired and even though I was curious, I wasnt that curious. Then there was a breakaway and my mystery man had the puck. I swear I heard his name called by his teammate. And I wasnt hallucinating because Jacob heard it too. So now...the curiosity was hitting its zenith. I was getting ready to scream the name but by this time, the game was over. Lucky me.

So Jake and I get up and walk around to the bench to see if it sthe guy. I walk up to him and I say "Excuse me, are you..." and he screamed "MELISSA!"

Now - here is my issue with this.

Not that its awesome that someone remembers me after 12 years but someone remembers me after 12 years! Do I look exactly like I did in high school? I had to think and make sure make phone calls for goodness sake and after that it was mostly the facial hair that threw me off but still.

Anyways, we did a quick catchup and since he plays at that park every week, I'll see him next week after my softball practice. YAY!

Its a small world after all!

Well...that was fun in a creepy way.

Our office has great windows and with great windows come great views.

The rains came and went rather quickly not too long ago and with it a path of destruction. Yes, I actually suggested we call the local news to report what we saw.

Down the street, a building has a huge Apple iPod advertisement...you know, the type that are made out of fabric and are basically draped on the side of the building. And when the rains came, so did the wind and it ripped that puppy to shreds. Then the birds started flying all weird...like an earthquake was on its way. About 15 people gathered in our lunch room to watch.

It was fun!

Bitching from the East Coast to the West Coast...

The complaining has been clear – what, calling me and asking me how I’m doing does nothing for you?

Damn…ok, I’ll post.

Even my brother, who doesn’t even bother to call his own mother on her birthday, called to complain about the blogging. And I’m not even mentioning the daily harassment I get from Anna on IM.

Here is a quickie that I've been dying to put up...

Last week – I got probably the best giveaway at a hockey game ever. Ladies and Gents – Mr. Chazz Michael Michaels.

Oh yes, the Kings got in on promoting Will Farrell’s new movie, Blades of Glory. As you may recall (probably not because I’m the only one that can recall what I have or have not put in the blog) I talked about this movie when it was first put on E!Online and the countdown on my desk has begun! Not only were they giving out a crapload of Blades of Glory stuff at the game – those funny dudes that do the Real Men Of Genius came out and did one for Mr. Chazz Michael Michaels. Now, I’ve tried finding this mp3 online and apparently its not out yet, but its just a matter of time since I heard it on KROQ on Monday. So here goes:

Today we salute you Mr. Chazz Michael Michaels. (Mr. Chazz Michael Michaels)
You made it ok for every man in America to wear skin tight leotards and fly through the air with reckless abandon. (You can fly!)
Being a professional figure skater doesn’t necessarily mean that you stink at football, basketball, or every other sport (yes it does)
And when you skate well, you are a crowd pleaser. And when you crash your partner into the wall, you are a crowd pleaser too.
So here’s to you Chazz Michael Michaels, you may never get a medal, but sequins are shiny too. (Mr. Chazz Michael Michaels!)

Being Afraid of My Guatemalaness - LMFAO!

Found this little ditty on Yahoo - golly I love my people.

Priests to purify site after Bush visit
By JUAN CARLOS LLORCA, Associated Press WriterFri Mar 9, 12:20 AM ET

Mayan priests will purify a sacred archaeological site to eliminate "bad spirits" after President Bush visits next week, an official with close ties to the group said Thursday.

"That a person like (Bush), with the persecution of our migrant brothers in the United States, with the wars he has provoked, is going to walk in our sacred lands, is an offense for the Mayan people and their culture," Juan Tiney, the director of a Mayan nongovernmental organization with close ties to Mayan religious and political leaders, said Thursday.

Bush's seven-day tour of Latin America includes a stopover beginning late Sunday in Guatemala. On Monday morning he is scheduled to visit the archaeological site Iximche on the high western plateau in a region of the Central American country populated mostly by Mayans.

Tiney said the "spirit guides of the Mayan community" decided it would be necessary to cleanse the sacred site of "bad spirits" after Bush's visit so that their ancestors could rest in peace. He also said the rites — which entail chanting and burning incense, herbs and candles — would prepare the site for the third summit of Latin American Indians March 26-30.

Bush's trip has already has sparked protests elsewhere in Latin America, including protests and clashes with police in Brazil hours before his arrival. In Bogota, Colombia, which Bush will visit on Sunday, 200 masked students battled 300 riot police with rocks and small homemade explosives.

The tour is aimed at challenging a widespread perception that the United States has neglected the region and at combatting the rising influence of Venezuelan leftist President Hugo Chavez, who has called Bush "history's greatest killer" and "the devil."

Iximche, 30 miles west of the capital of Guatemala City, was founded as the capital of the Kaqchiqueles kingdom before the Spanish conquest in 1524.

LULZ

Ok - this is too funny not to post. I had some reservations when my brother sent this to me but it was worth it...This is "A Beginners Guide To Faking Your Death On The Internet". ENJOY!

I'm back!

WOOHOOO!!!

Back to the warm, sunny weather! Back to the 405 emails that awaited me at work! Back to the Britney Spears baldness!!!

I'll post pictures and narrative of my adventure...oh yes my friends...adventure.

nooooooooo!

Why the hell am I flying towards the cold wintery weather?!?

WHY? WHY? WHY?

oh yeah, I remember now. Stupid Valentine's day.

I dont know if I'll blog while I'm on my trip...so.......

p/s Anna I'm at the airport checking the progress of the ANS story at the stupid internet station...so sad.

pp/s HI SCOTT!

Happy Belated Birthday Kelena!!

No - I didnt forget, my phone call to you on Saturday proves it! But I've been having major blog, internet, phone and overall issues (which will be discussed in another post)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY FRIEND!!!

I'm sorry I couldnt make the soiree in Vegas - I hope you tipped the strippers well, I mean you and they sounded like you guys were having a ball and no, I dont know what I would do with 5 pounds of vaseline...am I making this up because your husband and his crew are reading this and I can screw with him? Maybe.....

One more because I know you can take it...here is your card:

This Week's Events

Quite the eventful week we got going on.

Mexico lost to the US in soccer (yes I know, please contain yourselves). Since I was at my uncle's house for my cousin's birthday dinner, I knew to keep my mouth shut since I wanted to eat, but the US deserved the win...even if the ref should get an assist on Donovan's goal.

Anna Nicole Smith DIED! I’ll admit that my first thought was that she faked her own death so she can get away from the legal babble she’s in, I’m not proud of myself but I’m not the only one who has these thoughts run through my head. And yes, I'm somewhat obsessed by this. Again, not proud of myself.


Jake got glasses – doesn’t he look cute?










He freaking loves those glasses. Every night, he puts them in the case he got them in and then he puts that under his pillow. Yes - you can say awwww. Stop rolling your eyes - I dont brag much! Ok some..but not much!

LOST is back! What do you think? I’m intrigued and am willing to give it a shot again and yes Scott, I know now the whole “bus thing” was from Final Destination and not from Nip/Tuck.

Colts Schmoltz!

Yeah, so what that the Colts won the Superbowl - I WON MY FOOTBALL POOL!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANNA!

Today's post is dedicated to a loyal reader - Miss Anna.

WELCOME TO THE CLUB! Its all downhill from here but I tell ya, its one of the best rides ever (ok, next to the zamboni)!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Movie Review: Little Miss Sunshine

Saturday night, I was still recovering from Friday night. Recovery is also known as pajamas by 6pm and watching a movie in my hood- damn I'm getting old.

My friend and I decided to watch Little Miss Sunshine and boy it was worth the effort of pressing the "BUY" button on the OnDemand screen. I had heard lots of good things about this movie and have been wanting to watch it for a while now. This movie made me cry (which frankly isnt that hard to do), laugh (ok, not hard to do to either), and, well, I lost count the times either one of us said "I cant believe they did that!".

The best scene of the movie is at the end, when they finally arrive at the Little Miss Sunshine pageant and Olive is going to do her "talent". If you havent seen the movie - go get it and watch it, it worth it. If you have seen it, you know you want to see this again.

Harry Freakin' Potter!

Thats who I thought of when I woke up the other day and found this on my forehead.



I feel like i should be on my toes waiting for Voldemort to show up and terrify the bejesus out of me.

Speechless - yea me, speechless

So Knuck sent me this and I finally got around to watching it today and words cannot describe what I saw. Let me just state that 1) these gals REALLY needed Cirque de Soleil and 2) they either were freaks or really popular with the boys.





P/S I dont know if I would really like the talent of being able to touch my ass to my head - would be interesting though.

Yeah baby - a FEATURED profile

Dont burst my bubble on this!

I have posted before about JOBSTER - which is this networking site that was launched last year. I've had a profile on there for about a month and today my friends, I have arrived!

I'm a Featured Profile!

Feast your eyes on this!

Ok - so you cant see it very well, but I'm the 2nd from the right on the 2nd line.

Scott said this was better:

The one of a kind Scotty-poo helped me with this. And when my curiousity asked "How did you do that?" His response: Can a beautiful sunset explain how it is? It can't its just a gift from God, like me, I am that awesome.

Its no wonder we are friends.

What to blog about today?

Since I havent posted in a while, I wondered what the hell I was going to talk about.

1) My lack of tv viewing?
2) My wonderful eggplant parmagiana that I made on Monday night?
3) My crappy little car that needs its tags renewed?
4) My kid that is obsessed with the Dreamgirls soundtrack (just as I am)?

No no...I'm going to talk about the book I finally got around to finishing in the wee hours of the morning. That book is The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon. Holy crap people! This is one of the best books I have ever read. I actually got this book during my long layover in Atlanta during Thanksgiving weekend but I havent found the time to actually dedicate to getting lost in the pages of the story. Last night, I opted to get in a few chapters in the hopes of at least getting out of the page 300 area and I got sucked in that I finished that 500ish page novel by this morning at 7am.

The Shadow of the Wind is the story of a boy named Daniel who is taken by his father, who owns a bookstore, to a place called the Cemetery of Books. The legend is that the book he choses is the book that will be a part of his soul. He finds a book called "The Shadow of the Wind" by Julian Carax and after staying up all night reading it, he has to find other books that Carax has written. The digger he deeps, he realizes that something beyond him is going on. Slowly he finds that all the books that Julian Carax are being systematically destroyed leaving Daniel with the only copy of the author's work. With that, he also gains a mysterious figure who watches him and threatens him - going by the name of a character from the book who is the devil in disguise. Not only that but as Daniel looks into Julian's past, he cant help but notice the similarities between his life and Julian's.

OOOOOOOOOO - I know!

Its even better than that! The characterizations are wonderful and unforgettable. A little more history of this book is that it was originally published in Spain and it was such a big hit over in Europe, that they brought it over to the US. A couple of my coworkers recommended it to me and when I got to a major plot twist I literally screamed "SHUT UP!" and Jacob being the only person in the room with me thought I was yelling at him. I had to explain that I was talking to the book and that only got me a roll of the eyes. Since I didnt have any of my coworker's numbers, I resorted to calling the only person I felt would understand - my dad. He just laughed at me and asked me how long until I was done. My dad has been waiting for me to finish it so he can properly steal it from my apartment...just like he did "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time"

If Anna wont listen to the IM....

Maybe she'll listen to the blog.

Sign up for JOBSTER - its the new myspace!

WOOHOO!! I WON! I WON!

I was on KROQ this morning! Scotty poo heard me!

I won tickets to the Kings game this weekend!

But I cant go!

And I'm still using exclaimation points!

Movie Review: DREAMGIRLS

OH.MY.GOD

Run to see this movie. Believe the hype about Jennifer Hudson. This movie was so incredibly good. I got to see it in the Dome at the Arclight (first time there, yay!) and it added to the experience.

The movie stealing Jennifer Hudson has her show stopping rendition of "I'm Telling You I'm Not Going" and by golly I sat there and just started to cry for the woman. Click below to listen to it!




If you dont know the story of DREAMGIRLS, this movie is actually a remake. In the original, Jennifer Holliday, played the role of Effie White and her rendition is considered the best. I found it and you can listen and compare for yourselves.

Those Last Minute Gifts

As I stood in line at Target last night, I looked around at everyone carrying potential Christmas (of Festivus) gifts, along with wrapping paper, candy, and decorations that will fill their heart with joy. I was thinking about how people go crazy to make the holidays "just right" for their families, friends, and themselves.

Then as I was paying for my items, I look at the guy behind me and it seemed like he had his priorities in order.

He only had two items to purchase - condoms and KY jelly.

Cock or Dick?

Justin Timberlake was the host on SNL a couple of nights ago and he did a digital short. In the spirit of Christmas, I'm sharing this holiday song. Enjoy! Its hilarious! I need to figure out how to put this as my new ringtone.

OH and be careful if you are at work - dont say I didnt warn ya.

A Gift For That Special Caveman In Your Life

One of my favorite coworkers, Kerry, found this "browsing" on Amazon and I just couldnt pass up the opportunity to entertain my readers.


THE MANGROOMER!

If this isnt good enough- they give you a pictorial that includes the picture on the right.

And the best part (I know, how can you get past the pictorial, right?), instructions on How the MANGROOMER Can Improve Your Life:

Look and Feel Clean and Manicured -- Eliminating unsightly back hair presents a more refined, clean image to others.
Confidence -- Increase your confidence knowing that you are "back hair free" and no one will be staring or snickering at you, or get turned off by unsightly back hair.
Romance -- Start up that spark in your relationship or marriage by surprising your partner with a smooth, sexy back.
Muscle Definition -- Shaving the hair off your back shows your muscle definition in much greater detail. You'll simply look in better shape after using the Mangroomer.
Sweat -- Keep your back shaved clean and help keep your back dry with less sweat and less chance for body odor.
First Impressions -- As the saying goes, you only get one chance to make a first impression. Don't let back hair ruin the image you are trying to project.
Summer Essentials -- When your shirt is off this summer, no back hair is a big plus. Whether you're at the beach or a pool party, use the Mangroomer to avoid embarrassing, hairy-back jokes.
Avoid Embarrassing Public Treatment Options -- With the Mangroomer you can shave your back privately, easily, quickly, painlessly, and inexpensively by yourself, in the comfort of your own home.

I can't pick my favorite reason...I wonder how the person who wrote the copy for this felt. I'm imagining it being a woman and having to ask her hairy coworkers for personal reasons to use this product. I'm loving this more and more.

My Secret Shame

There is a movie that I love to watch and I hate...HATE to admit it. I've started talking to my cousin about it and he laughs at me - its one of those "its so bad its good" movies. **cough**SHOWGIRLS**cough***

Well my fans in internet land - I have found something else to be shameful about and I'm not going to hide it. I love this song, I find myself humming it throughout the day at work. If I hear it on the radio, I sing along.

From me to you - Fergie with FERGILICIOUS

I'm a dumbass (again)

I manage to reiterate to the world that I can be a dumbass a few times yesterday, much to the enjoyment of my friend Iliana who was enjoying it way too much through IM as I sent her messages with updates of the situation.

Here is the story:
Last week, I needed to schedule a service call for the gas in my apartment. I received an email and I made a mental note that it was on Wednesday, Dec 13th. Tuesday morning I call my landlord and told him that I had made an appointment with the gas company and that if would let the service person into my apartment sometime between 9am - 12pm. Yay, great, no problem.

At about 12:30pm, I call the landlord and ask him if the gas man showed, the answer was NO. Well, those bastards! The landlord tells me that maybe he missed him and he'll go check to see if they left a note on my door. I told him not to bother that I'll call and reschedule for sometime next week. While on hold to talk to a representative, I pull up the email that confirmed my appointment. "We will be there on TUESDAY..." MOTHER EFFER!

Now - I realized that I missed my appointment, GREAT! So, about this time the representative answers the phone and asks how she can help me. I give her my details and tell her that I need to reschedule my service appointment. She said, "reschedule?" and I said, "yes" then I proceed to ramble on (like a dumbass) about how I missed the appointment because I thought it was today and I was too embarassed to tell my landlord that I had mistaken the day and would just like to reschedule. Then she says, "Ma'am, your appointment is for TUESDAY, DECEMBER 19th. Would you still like to reschedule?"

You know when you have one of those moments when you get this overwhelming urge to just get under the desk or disappear from the sheer horror of realizing that you are a dumbass? Yeah, that was me.

I moved it up a day to up to the chances of feeling that way again.

Never A Dull Moment With That Boy

Every morning, Jake and I listen to KROQ on the drive to work and today was no exception. They were replaying some favorite moments and they were talking about their annual tradition of calling QVC and buying whatever is on the screen at that moment for Lisa May (Kevin and Bean's gal pal if you dont listen). In the past, Lisa May has received some crappy gifts and was hoping for something better this time around. They called QVC and asked the representative what the item on the screen was - turned out that it was a television worth over $4,000. Kevin and Bean were outraged and (obviously) didnt want to pay. They eventually folded and agreed to make the purchase. Turned out it was all a hoax put on by Lisa May and Ralph (another show cohort).

So after laughing hysterically, I asked Jake if he understood what happened and he said sort of.

So this is the conversation:

Me: "Ok, first do you know what QVC is?"
Jake: "No"
Me: "Its a channel on television that you can watch and they put different items on the screen that you can buy. When you see something you like, you call the number and buy it over the phone and then they deliver it."
Jake: "Really?"
Me: "Yes, really."
Jake: "What do they sell?"
Me: "Lots of stuff - clothes, jewelry..."
Jake: "Toys?"
Me: Yes, toys"
Jake then gets this grin on his face that he's had from the day he was born and I knew he was going to be trouble.
Me: "Jake, dont get any ideas."
Jake: "What? I didnt say anything."
Me: "I saw that look on your face. You were thinking about figuring out how to buy something huh"
Jake: "Well, yes."
Me: "And what did you want to buy?"
Jake: "Something expensive."

Parenting Note - Cell Phones and 5 yr olds

Don't....DO NOT...under any circumstances leave your cell phone with your 5 yr old in hopes to comfort him while he's at school when he doesnt want to stay.

Dont fall for the eyes and dont fall for the quivering lip that accompanies all that.

I've gotten 4 calls and 2 voicemails so far.

Getting to Know Your Friends - Xmas Edition

Welcome to the 2006 Holiday Edition of Getting to Know Your Friends! You know the drill. Highlight, copy, and paste (not forward) and change my answers to your answers. Be sure to send back to me. Enjoy! Everyone has time for a few moments of fun! Don't be a scrooge!!

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Hot Chocolate
2. Does Santa wrap presents or just set them under the tree? Set them under the Tree
3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? Colored
4. Do you hang mistletoe? Nope
5. When do you put your decorations up? Usually the week before Christmas or else I get burnt out on the holiday.
6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? Tamales, yum, yum, yum
7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child: Thinking that I actually saw Santa and his reindeer’s shadow
8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? My mom and dad took my brother and I to brunch and told us –we were 14 and 12 (we already knew though)
9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Christmas Eve
10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree? The usual lights, ornaments,
11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? Love it
12. Can you ice skate? Yes – with the help of the wall.
13. Do you remember your favorite gift as a child? My LA Kings Kelly Hrudey Jersey
14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you? That I spend it with family and friends
15. What is your favorite holiday dessert? Bread Pudding
16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Watching my father finally finish the nativity scene or making fun of my mother’s inability to bake any sort of bread to accompany the meal (this also applies to Thanksgiving).
17. What tops your tree? An angel
18. Which do you prefer giving or Receiving? Are we still talking about presents?
19. What is your favorite Christmas Song? Jingle Bell Rock
20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum? YUM!
21. Gift Cards- thoughtless gift or convenient gift? I used to think they were thoughtless – now very convenient
22. Rudolph, Frosty the Snowman or Charlie Brown? Frosty baby!
23. Do you send Christmas cards? If I remember in time I do.
24. Favorite Christmas movie? White Christmas

I know, I know, I KNOW!

I have totally sucked on keeping up with this damn thing.

Yes, I went on my trip and had a great time. I actually took some pictures this time! The funniest thing is that there was one part of the trip that will have its own post (someday) and because I'm not used to having my camera, I neglected to take it with me. But no worries, my eloquent word stylings will be enough for you.

In the mean time - here are some things for you to ponder:

1) How good was the Heroes fall finale?!?! huh, huh, huh Why is Peter getting sick? The Haitian spoke? Tinkerbell vs Sylar! Mohinder is still freaking hot.

2) Flatulence forces plane to land - yes I laugh everytime I hear this story.

3) Oy! Vince Vaughn! I'm sorry but if you are going have a fling do it with someone who is not going to email her sorority.

4) 24! 24! 24!

Oh yeah...this is soooo going on the blog

Well my loyal reader(s), I decided to go on vacation.

A much needed vacation mind you because as soon as I breathe a sigh of relief at work, the cycle starts over again. So when I get back, I have lots of fun stuff top deal with.

So I am now on the first leg of my trip. Yes, first leg. First leg because I was supposed to already be at my destination last night at 9pm but unfortunately, the plane that I was on had some technical difficulty and its now 6:15am and I'm stuck in an airport for another 6 1/2 hours. Yay me!

Since I have all this time to kill, I'll probably be back later today to post about my adventure from yesterday. And..AND! I have a digital camera so I'll (eventually) be able to post some pictures.

See ya later - I have to get some zzz's.

Its like a car crash - I...can't...stop...looking

I know, I know but I'm so facinated by certain medical things. Not for the squirmish.

Baby with heart outside body has surgery

Naseem Hasni underwent surgery to put his heart inside his chest hours after being delivered by Caesarean section Oct. 31 at Holtz Children's Hospital. He remained in critical but stable condition Wednesday.

"He's not going to be able to play certain kinds of sports where a blow to the sternum to you and me wouldn't be a problem, but in him it would be. So I think some competitive sports are going to be out," said Dr. Eliot Rosenkranz, a cardiothoracic surgeon, "but he's going to be able to participate in other sorts of activities."

He added: "Certainly the goal is as normal a childhood as he can achieve."

Before the surgery, Naseem's heart looked like a peeled plum sitting atop his pink chest, with the aorta diving back underneath the skin. Nevertheless, the heart was beating away normally.

During the six-hour operation, surgeons first wrapped Naseem's heart in Gore-Tex, then a layer of his own skin, to substitute for his missing pericardium, the sac that encloses the heart. The heart was then slowly eased inside his chest.

The baby was born with an extremely rare congenital defect, ectopia cordis, in which the heart grows outside the body and the chest wall and sternum fail to develop. The defect was spotted in an ultrasound exam in late September after the mother, Michelle Hasni, 33, began feeling unusual movement from the baby.

"He was having hiccups, but it was constantly and it was every day. I wasn't sure what the movement was," the Miami woman said.

Click here to read the rest of the article.

OK - WTF?

Oh the lengths people will go to make a few bucks.

With PlayStation 3 systems fetching thousands of dollars on eBay and gamers across the country lining up to purchase Sony's $500 and $600 consoles, some unscrupulous people are seeing the launch as a quick way to make a buck at someone else's expense.

The Sacremento Bee is reporting that "at least four" PS3 systems were stolen along with several Xbox 360s from an Elk Grove, California, GameStop by a pair of armed men Thursday morning. Elk Grove police responded by notifying local retailers and nearby police departments of the theft, and advising those lining up for the system not to do so alone, and not to bring cash.
Meanwhile, Eugene, Oregon's KMTR News is reporting that three men who had been camped out in front of a Circuit City waiting for the Friday launch of the PlayStation 3 were robbed early Thursday morning.

According to the station's report, the three had left the line temporarily, and were stopped by a pair of masked men as they passed a nearby Target. The two men led the trio behind the store and mugged them. Police used mall surveillance tapes to retrace the robbers' steps after the crime, and were able to recover some stolen goods, including a wallet.

GEEZ! (source)

Playin' Catch Up

My true nature comes out with this blog sometimes - the procrastinator in me that is.

I've missed the following events to blog on:
Halloween
Kings Game
Jake's 5th Birthday
Britney and Kevin
LOST fall finale

Here we go with the quick recap

Halloween:
I dressed like the owner of the company.


Yes, I know you dont get it - well maybe for the few coworkers that have started to read my blog will relive my infamous glory.

The funny thing about this costume was that I went to Jake's school for his costume parade and know very few parents because of the times I pick up/drop off Jacob.

So I tried to make conversation and be cordial - but they kept giving me a look. Well during the parade one of the mom's I do know, Gayle, came over and we started talking about the kids and costumes. And I made a comment about how the parents were giving me looks. She then says, "Well, maybe they dont realize you are wearing a costume. They probably think you are like a Pat or something." Seriously the thought never crossed my mind until she mentioned it. She laughed her ass off and I just got in my car and drove to work, where later that day mind you I won 1st prize for Best Look-A-Like costume. YAY ME!

Kings Game:
Anna oh Anna - that girl came through for me like never before. She called me to be her "date" for the Pittsburgh game last week at the last minute. Luckily Jake's dad was able to watch Jake that night for what turned out to be one of the greatest things I've ever done. GLASS SEATS BITCHES! Oh yeah - not only did we have glass seats at the game, our little neighbor buddy ended up rubbing his nipple on the glass and got the attention (and dare I say affection) of the Penguin's goalie. I almost slid out of my chair laughing so hard. Look at the picture below - you see the last guy above the Toyota emblem on the far right? Yeah, I'm sitting right next to him.



Jake's 5th Birthday
He's 5. I wrote him a very endearing note on his birthday card and since he's an avid reader now - he chose to read it out loud. I cried, then my friend cried, then my mom cried, then Jake looked at me and smiled. Now I'm tearing up again - DAMMIT!

Britney and Kevin
I swear - the moment I heard I was actually giddy. Divorce isnt pretty but I'm happy for her.

LOST fall finale
That was it?!!? SERIOUSLY!!?? I wanted more! I needed more to keep my interest until February 07! At least we have Heroes.

Time for a vote!

Is this picture of an 80's icon - The Monchichi - dirty?

I am using this as my IM at work and my coworker swears that it looks like the Monchichi has a penis in its mouth. I am not COCHINA!

Is My Kid Worth $100? NOPE

I'm in the midst of planning the soon to be 5 yr old's birthday party and I heard that in order to have a "park party" you have to pay to reserve the park area you want.

So I call. $100 freaking dollars!?!?!

What happened to the good ole days of sending someone out while its still dark to guard the tables? Apprently, you can still do that, if no one has beat you to reserving the area you want and can kick you out.

I feel like this is going to be like an eBay showdown.

Holy Frijoles!

I need to install a countdown clock for 24, since LOST is sucking ass this season (so far).

Woohoo! One of Me (in the US)!

HowManyOfMe.com

There is: 1 person with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Warning to Others: Dental Appointment

Be on time for your dental appointments - especially if you have the last appointment of the day. I was 20 minutes late for my 5pm appointment last night. It felt like the dentist didnt let the numbing agent set before putting in the anesthetic and then started the procedure. I actually asked her if I was being punished for being late. I did call though!

Damn you traffic on the 101...DAMN YOU!

What a Catch!

Oh those boys from Nashville are going to have fight over this one! Found it on Craigslist...ENJOY!

On a first date:
I will not put out, although, upon cessation of said date I will violently rape my Rabbit and envision your hands and mouth all over my body.

We may discuss this in the future, if I decide you're worthy of more conversation.

In an effort to further my not-putting-out goal, I will not shave and will wear mis-matched socks. Just remember this if you respond to this ad, we go out, and you are having dirty thoughts over dinner. UNSHAVEN/MISMATCHED (just repeat it to yourself. You may be surprised how quickly wood will disappear)

I will engage you in conversation, perhaps shock you with hilarious stories of my past. I may use "big" words, and I refuse to dummy down for anyone. I will make you laugh, assuming you have a brain and the personality to "get it". I won't order a salad, nor will I order the most expensive entree. If I am hungry, I will eat.

I may call you the following day. I may not.

On the second date:
I may, in fact, put out. Why? Because I find few people meet/exceed my expectations enough to be granted a second date. I'm not promising I'll shave (kidding). We will discuss the ridiculous happenings in both of our worlds since the last time we spoke. I may ask you to leave following copulation. I may snuggle. I own a vagina and cannot decide at the present time how I will feel/react after sex. Yes, I just typed all of that.

Now, here's where the prospect pool will thin accordingly...
YOU MUST BE
of the caucasian persuasion
funny
loquacious
driven
single (that means not LEGALLY married)
under 38 over 23
not a baby-daddy
drug/disease free (everyone knows you can tell if someone has AIDS by looking)
sarcastic
well-mannered, for appearances
able to leave work at work. this implies employment
educated (beauty school and diesel college do not count)
NOT AN AUDIO ENGINEER/SINGER-SONG WRITER/OTHER MUSICAL FAILURE
act like a man. If I wanted a questionable fag, I'd date a girl. They smell better, anyway.

I AM...
Over one-night stands.
I'm not in college anymore, and thank God Girls Gone Wild never visited back in my hay-day.
Very comfortable in my skin.
Unafraid.
Equally unashamed.
Not looking to get married, but over the fuck buddy status.
Able to say "no" and scream "yes".
Calm, collected, logical, rational, politically incorrect, and witty

TOGETHER, WE WILL
bowl
play trivia
act like raging dickheads in public establishments
giggle at midgets
fornicate regularly
discuss books
drink excessively if the mood strikes, and it will.
Often laugh at others and harder at ourselves
one-up eachother

WE WILL NOT
involve species other than homosapiens in our bedroom routine.
yell, argue, at like gigantic three-year-olds when we're upset
be dishonest
care what everyone else thinks
do any activity with one another's family more than once a month
act like something doesn't bother us, when it does
throw low-blows in times of frustration

Oh, and just to make sure I don't attract the wrong type of man, here comes what some of you will be dismayed at... I'm not fat. I'm not the healthiest individual, but I'm not a walking heart attack. If you appear to be more than 2.5 months pregnant, don't respond

I have my original 32. If you don't know what I'm referring to, don't respond.

If you know what I am referring to, and you just took the time to "count", you probably should sit this one out.

I'm short. I don't care how tall or short you are so long as your girth does not exceed your height.

I'm not into anything sexual that involves blood shed or leaves marks. General ass-slapping and hair pulling = perfectly acceptable. Donkey punches, not so much. Yes, I did just type that. Dirty Sanchez is out, as well.

Bring your A-game, bitches.

The Case of the Potentially Dead Bum

Boy, it was quite an adventurous morning for yours truly today. Not only did I have an argument with the Jakeman about the validity of Oreo Cookies as a breakfast food item, but the words “I was trapped in a stairwell and I couldn’t get out because I think there is a dead bum blocking my door” actually escaped my lips. Let me explain.

As “Deputy Safety Director” (no, I don’t have a badge or anything), I have to help train our employees on evacuation and safety procedures. Because some of our staff isn’t here all the time, I have to catch them when I can and do the training then. This morning was such a morning for two of our employees. I met up with them and started my little speech on where the exits to the suite are and where the fire extinguishers are. Then we proceeded to go down the stairwell so I can show them where the leads to and our meeting place. As I’m typing this, I’m realizing that I forgot to conclude the training and tell them where our meeting place is. Oh well.

We get to the bottom of the stairs and I make my little remark “I suggest you knock first because sometimes there is a bum sleeping on the stoop and he blocks the door”. As I say this, I am knocking and the door and opening it when BAM! It’s jammed. I look down and could see a head of hair – that’s it. So I close the door and bang on it again and open it. BAM! Again into the bum who…hasn’t…moved. Crap. Ok, now I’m annoyed. I open and close the door about 5 times and screaming “HEY GET UP!!!” But to no avail. The first thought that comes to mind is “Oh My God! He’s dead!” As I have told this story throughout the day to my coworkers, the first thing they think of is that he’s passed out drunk, but that’s beside the point.

Crap, so as one employee is doubled over in laughter, I’m trying to figure out how to get out because the doors to access the floors are locked on the stairwell side to “prevent unauthorized building access”. None of us have a key to the stairwell and I didn’t bring my cell phone. One of the gals did have a sidekick though, but she only had internet access and no phone access. Its like we cant catch a break. So she’s trying to log onto the Instant Messenger system that our office uses to ask someone to come open the door for us. As we go back up the stairs (oh yeah, we are on the 5th floor, I think I forgot to mention that), we are checking all the doors. FINALLY, she says she finds someone to come open the door. Meanwhile, I’m banging on the door hoping that someone will hear it and let us in. The door opens and its someone from another suite on our floor. The person she asked to come open the door went to the OTHER staircase to help us.

So now I’m 1) pissed off that the homeless guy is blocking the door and I couldn’t finish the training and 2) worried that the guy might be dead – I was seriously torn. So I called the building maintenance guy to tell him what happened and he told me that the homeless guy will chase you down and threaten you if you attempt to remove him. And since I’m notorious for being a chicken, I call the cops. C’mon! He might be DEAD!!! Later that morning, the maintenance guy calls me and tells me that the homeless guy is indeed alive and was asked to leave but who knows if he’ll stay away.

Let me say, that if you have a chance to hear me tell this story in person, please ask. I’ll be happy to oblige because I actually made one person snort today.

The Big Showing

I have a friend. His name is Doug.

He made a movie that is showing at the Hollywood Film Festival.

Here is the info:

Never Before Has Something So Horrible Appeared On Screen . . . .11 minutes, 8 legs and 2 fangs of sheer drive-in, B-movie terror

Hollywood Film Festival World Premiere!
It Came From Beyond the Mountain
Directed by Douglas Bankston

At the Hollywood Film Festival -- HFF Horror Shorts Programin the dead of night -- Sunday, October 22 at 11 p.m. at the ArcLight Cinemas

I need to go see this thing, I've heard so much about it during the filming process that I need to see that it actually exists. Actually, all joking aside, I'm very proud of him! CONGRATS DB!

Its Been A While....

Yup, that it has been. Anna was kind enough to remind me this morning via IM that I havent updated this for a while. I keep forgetting this entertains her at her paperless company.

Things that have happened since I last blogged:

El Paso - YEEHAW!
Went to El Paso for a wedding where the following things occured:

1. My son was bribed to be a Cowboys fan and when the truth came out that he was NOT a fan, he was asked to return the money. He refused...thats my boy!
2. El Paso is more wetback than white trash - I'm just sayin'
3. Actually, I liked El Paso a lot more than I thought I would...and its a military town! You know how much I love my military men.
4. Outdoor weddings = Drama + Rain
5. Actually the wedding was really nice and my hot date the Jakeman and I had an awesome time. Although he did abandon me during the dancing portion to hang out with his new buddy Victor, the maid of honor's husband.
6. $25 for a pedicure?!?!?! Its like Atlanta all over again.
7. I had to keep reminding the bride's father NOT to try to fix me up with his friends.

Popped Derry's Cherry

That sounds so dirty compared to the truth, but its ok. I took my coworker Derry to the Kings/Dallas game last night, and it was his first hockey game. He freaking loved it! Ok, maybe he didnt love it because the Kings got their asses kicked 4-1 and played horribly, its like they were too tired to play. Bastards. But he did have a lot of fun and we had this Australian tourist and his son sitting behind us. He struck up a conversation with us during the 2nd intermission and wouldnt stop talking. He was nice though, found out that they had gone to Disneyland, then planning to go to Vegas, then back to San Diego to see "the famous whale". I suggested he go see Hoover Dam while he was in Vegas and Derry couldnt believe I was sending someone sightseeing while they were in Vegas. Geez, all that visiting my brother has rubbed off on me, I dont even go to the casinos anymore - WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME!?!?

At then of the game he said, "Did everyone give up?" and we looked at him, in a perplexed way, and I said "Well, yeah, the game is over". And he thought there were four periods and not three. What's funnier about that is that even the teams were celebrating on the ice and he thought it was break. Good times, good times.

Madness in Hollywood and at McDonald's

Yesterday, I actually took a break from working and went to 7-11 with the famed Rozanne to get a slurpee. On the way there, a lady was driving backwards on Sunset (why do we elicit this behavior?); a tranny stopped in the middle of the road, some guy got into the car to drive and instead of the tranny going into the passenger seat, she/he gets in the driver seat and climbs over - sticking his/her ass out of the window to sit down; an older Mexican lady carrying a box of cans (in my memory, I like to to think they were cans of frijoles) trying to catch the bus then realizing its not her bus. All in a matter of like 5 minutes.

This morning, I took Jacob to McD's for a pankcake breakfast. Let me state, I dont care what anyone says, those are damn good pancakes. The lady behind the counter just could not get it together. Its like training day or something. She didnt know where the Apple Juice button was, she didnt know where the Hot Tea button was, she forgot my #2 combo. And she was frazzled...dude it was a #2 with hot tea, pancakes no sausage, and an apple juice. Geez. MADNESS I TELL YOU!

Other than that...I got my dad hooked on Heroes, watched Grey's Anatomy and I cant believe McSteamy and $8.7 million?!??!

Coming up in Melissa's life: Got a few shows to watch this weekend, get my Halloween costume in order, go to a birthday party, laundry, clean the apartment AND finish season 3 of The Shield, I need to get that back to Netflix.

Whats on your Tivo?

On mine, in no particular order - just how I remember them:

• Grey's Anatomy - still the best show on TV, SERIOUSLY!
• LOST - coming back tomorrow, thank goodness!
• 24 - January cant come fast enough
• Project Runway - I'm cheering for Michael
• Heroes - Seriously, start watching if you havent
• Ugly Betty - Hilarity!
• Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip - reminds me of the golden days of West Wing
• How I Met Your Mother - Barney is rivaling Major Burns as one of my all time favorite TV characters - SUIT UP!
• House - I know this isnt any any particular order but this should be higher on the list. Its so awesome and I finally forced my mom to watch an episode and she took back all the mean things she said about my Gregory House.
• Nip/Tuck - you cannot go wrong with Julian McMahon - thats all I'm sayin'
• My Name Is Earl - just plain funny
• The Office - come on!
• Meerkat Manor - ok, I know...I know...but you dont understand!
• Mythbusters - its just awesome to watch what these guys do
• Spongebob Squarepants - can you guess who programmed that?

Never send a 4 yr old to do a 30 yr old's job

Yesterday, Jake's one task at school (other than learn) was to find out what his friend (or "girlfriend") Skye likes. Today is her birthday party and we got invited. I told him "Jake, ask Skye if she was going to get a present, what kind of things would she like to get."

I've ask him this once before - when it was time for his classmate's Julian's birthday party rolled around as well. I asked him, "What does Julian like?" "I dunno" was the response. So I called the numver on the invition to ask his father. As soon as the words came out of my mouth "What kinds of things does Julian like?" both his father and Jake say "CARS". Damn you boy!

Back to Skye - I pick him up from school and ask "Ok, Jake, what did you find out" He says, "I got it!" (Very triumphantly, by the way) "She likes...ice cream."

Wednesday Rant Part Deux

Dear Brunette Bitch,

Hi! How are you?!!? The reason I ask is because when you are backing up on a public street going about 35 miles an hour (backwards) you failed to notice that 1) you were going backwards and 2) my dear friend Rozanne and I were in the crosswalk and about a foot away from your car. At least you were looking backwards to make sure you didnt hit any cars because God forbide you cause any property damage...but you failed to check if any pedestrians would be hurt.

Oh and thanks for saying you were sorry - wait you didnt say that. All you did was roll your window down about an inch and screamed, "I didnt see you!" and then sped off to your mani/pedi appointment.

I should have ran into your car and gotten some damages.

Thanks again for a lovely afternoon!

Kisses,
Melissa