The Problem With Being Irresistible

On Saturday night, I went to a bar to celebrate a friend's birthday. While I was there, I was partying it up by have a few beers and singing along to the live band karaoke. So this guy kept walking past us and because we were drinking the same type of beer in this huge cans that we opted to take a picture (yes I'm all kinds of fun being out in public). We were taking a group picture and he jumped in - we had a good laugh and he left. About 4 minutes later, he shows up with a friend and asks for another "matching beers" picture. So I stand in the middle with one guy on each side, then I feel it...a hand slowly moving down my back and this guy's friend grabbing my ass.

It was one of those classic slow motion moments where you kind of stop and wonder "Is this really happening? I can feel it happening but I can't believe this guy is actually grabbing my ass!". So I reach up and grab his hand, like I was going to hold it, and bring it behind it...and twist it like those nice Navy boys taught me to do if I was ever being assaulted. I could hear this kid - oh yes, a kid...he looked no older than 23 yrs old - say "Ow, ow, ow" and I lean over and tell him "Don't ever...EVER...grab a lady's ass unless you have her permission - understand?" So he leaves and I turn to tell my friends what happened.

Let me state that I am not at all upset that it happened, I was actually proud of myself because there have been times when you just stand and freeze and then you say "I shoulda, coulda, woulda" but now I can say that I did - and I freaking loved it.

OK - I Can't Hold It In Anymore!

Christmas Day my ass is on a plane to Germany to see Kostas and meet his family!!!

And if that wasn't enough excitement - I was just asked to pick a city to go visit while I'm there:

PARIS, FRANCE or VENICE, ITALY

Maybe I've lived in Southern California for way too long because its hard for me to conceive that I can travel to another country in less than 2 hours. But now I have to pick between two beautiful cities! I've always wanted to go back to Paris but Venice is Venice!

Ok - I think I know - Venice. But wait...Paris!! No Venice...

DAMN!!! Help?

I Want Some Nutmeg!

I just finished watching Stephen Colbert's "A Cobert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All" and I could not stop laughing! Willie Nelson as a Wise Man, Toby Keith as a hunter looking for deer with his AK-47, and Feist as an angel - all provide great back up to Stephen Colbert looking to get to his studio for his holiday special. I have to admit that John Legend as the park ranger was a great highlight. Below is his explaination, in song, as why Nutmeg is important.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Every year, this holiday rolls around to remind us to stop and take note of the things we are thankful for and if we are able - to say Thanks. I think something that many people (including myself) are guilty of is taking things for granted; family, friends, or health.

I'm very thankful for all I have, my friends and family have shaped me to be who I am today by cheering with me for the good and supporting me through the bad - even if it means that they smack me on the head if I'm heading down the same road of repeating a mistake.

Take a moment and realize who or what you need to say thanks to. I, for one, am thankful for many, many things - especially my family and friends and I hope they know how much they mean to me.

Happy Turkey Day!

LOOK AT THE PRETTY COLORS!!

Yup, I changed the style and colors of the blog. Don't get too excited for me, Blogger makes this very easy and its only a little cutting and pasting but I will take some credit in being able to manuever through this thing faster than I would have 4 years ago.

I have to admit this does make me feel like I've gotten a haircut that I really like and haven't gotten to see the reactions of my friends so for as much as I may like it, I dont know if it actually looks good on me.

Comment below and let me know what you think. I see a couple things I might want to change but I need to sleep on it. This is too much excitement for one evening for me.

One of the Many Reasons Why I Don't Go Out Much

Last night I picked up Jake for a little dinner and some quality bonding time. Before dinner, we were going to go by this townhouse to check out as a possible new domicile. We arrive and its completely dark but I decide to go up to it to see if we can see inside a bit. Jake, the scaredy cat, is against it of course and tells me that I shouldn't go because "he doesn't want me to get into trouble" but you know me, I go anyways and he tags along. I try to look inside but there is some tint on the window that restricts my view. I notice there isn't any tint on the top of the window so I pick Jake up to look into the townhouse to see how it looks inside. He peers in and says "Wow it looks really nice! Its a good size and has a pretty rug." "Rug? Don't you mean carpet?" I ask. "No, the rug next to the sofa." Jake replies. Holy shit- its not the empty apartment! So I put him down and tell him to do that only thing I can think of - run back to the car. We get inside and have a good laugh about it and head to dinner.

Now Jake has become a fan of places where you cook your own food, specifically Shabu Shabu. I really don't know what the thrill is for him but he likes it and its a blast. So we end up going to Korean BBQ and check how out how that is. With Shabu Shabu, you basically get a pot of water that you boil and cook your food in and with Korean BBQ, you sit at a table with a grill and cook your food that way. Let me say that Jake about lost his shit when he saw that it was a grill he was going to be doing the cooking on. After getting our food, we sit down and I really pay attention to the other patrons in the restaurant. In the booth behind Jake there are two women eating. The one who is facing me is wearing and eye patch over her eyebrow. Yes, you read that correctly. It was like she moved it to read something and never put it back. I found it terribly distracting and really wished that I had my camera to "take a fake picture of Jake but really take a picture of the weird person behind him" so I could share it but it was not to be. Now, behind me was a couple watching some basketball game and well, I dont know how to put this...they looked and acted like they were having some affair because everytime I looked over at them they were making out. And not even "a little kissy face" making out, I'm talking "tongue down each other's throat" making out - which prompted me to believe that the show Cheaters was going to walk through the front door at any time.

After going to Toys R Us, so Jake could redeem a gift card he received for his birthday, I dropped him off at his dad's for the night and headed home. If you look at the handy map below, purple is the route I usually take and red is the route I had to take due to some freeway construction.

I can roll with the punches of detours and pride myself on having a great sense of direction but for some reason all that failed on this trip home.

I was following some cars and a lot of cars started to turn left and so I assumed that they were going that way to get on the 710, which is where I needed to go. I made a mental note and followed the signs for the detour. I get to a major street and decided that I had had enough of the street driving and opted to get on the freeway. So I make a left and I drive...and drive...and I'm wondering 1) Where is the freeway and 2) Where the hell am I.

I look up in one of the intersections to get the street name and have two thoughts rather simutaneously 1) Holy Shit-I'm in Compton! and 2) My, Compton is not at all what I thought it would look like, because I was near a strip mall and I guess City Hall. When I got the Metro Blue Line, I figured that the best thing for me was to turn my ass around and get back on the street I was on and follow the signs to the 105. And thats exactly what I did.

As I was driving, I kind of laughed at myself for the 2nd reaction to being in Compton and thought how upsetting it must be to always get categorized as this haven for gang bangers and crime. Driving up Long Beach Blvd, I see a helicopter with a spotlight flying around. I notice that its coming towards me and getting lower. I finally get up to the area where its searching and see not one or two police cars but five cars blocking five different streets as a perimeter for the search. Always speaking too soon I guess.

Mars vs Venus

Situation:
Plug a Wii into a monitor mounted to the wall on a wall mount.

Problem:
How to plug in the AV cables when the there isn't even enough room to see where the cables go.

Man's Solution:
Go online to find the specifications of the monitor, print them out and use them as a guide to find the plugs with his fingers and plug in the cables. Time invested: 45 minutes

Woman's Solution:
Borrow a compact from a co-worker to place behind the monitor and plug in the cables. Time invested: 3 minutes

They're The Dancers!

I don't even know how to start this post because it can be told from so many angles! Chronological always works, so here goes.

Earlier this week, my coworker told me about this SNL skit that Justin Timberlake did with Beyonce about her video for her song "Single Ladies" and how she couldn't get the song out of her head. Sometime over the past year, I have completely fallen off the radar when it comes to popular music. It took me 4 months to get around to actually listening to Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl". So when she was saying that she couldn't get the tune out of her head, I really couldn't sympathize.

Last night, I went on a website and found a link to this video that has some guy thats famous on the net for doing something and some how ended up on the Bonnie Hunt show. I found it to be hilarious. I decided to search the net for the JT skit and only found this little mashup and nothing else. Sure it was kind of a teaser but I wanted to see the whole thing! I kind of gave up on the search and hoped that NBC would eventually post it on their site.

Tonight I get home and find a link to another video that parodies Beyonce's song. This link is to "Single Ladies (Big Girl Remix)" Its even more fabulous than what you think it might be. I didnt think my night could get better until...

I feel like I found the Holy Grail!!!



Update: Yes, apparently someone took the video down. DAMN!

Harry vs Chandler

I was channel surfing and came across a Friend's episode where Phoebe has her brother's triplets and then Joey ends up trying to pass some kidney stones.

Even though I had seen this episode before, something about it was rather familiar and then I remembered! There was an episode of Night Court where Mac's wife goes into labor and he ends up in the hospital with appendicitis at the same time.

This little flashback wouldn't have been possible without last week's episode of 30 Rock. Thank you Tina Fey!

Learning the Rules of the Street

Last week, close to the end of my workday, my co-worker calls me that she has a flat tire down the street and if I could go help her. She was within walking distance and I started to head over there. As soon as I turn the corner, I find myself looking at this:

First, it was something I had no expectation of seeing - at all. She asked me to come help her with the tire so I had assumed she would be waiting for me and well, we are in Hollywood. People help one another in Hollywood? So I go up to her and ask if she's ok and she gives me this look that she is fine but that I wasn't allowed to leave her. So I stayed.

This guy starts talking to us and I offer to help him get the car up with the jack because he is having trouble turning it. He waves me off and starts huffing and puffing yet again. I had noticed that he had a big duffle bag next to him in the street and figured that he was homeless. Immediately wondered if I had any cash to give him in case Denise didn't. I had $2.

After a while, the man asks if I could help him get the jack going because he was getting tired. Now this jack is one of those annoying jacks that the bar has a pivot in the middle because you can only go from one side to the other and then switch the bar back to do it again. What was worse was that we weren't level with the car or the jack, we were sitting on the curb. So bent over and trying to turn that bar was not the most comfortable thing to be doing.

As we are tag teaming the jack, people keep coming up to us and asking us if we need help. The guy (and yes I will continue to refer to him as The Guy because we never got his name) kept waving them off with thanks. We finally get the tire off and are having trouble getting the spare on when I smell the distinct odor of the mary jane. Its was like a cloud just arrived over our heads. We turn and there is this guy hovering over us asking if we need help. The Guy (our guy) turns and basically lashes out at Mr. Mary Jane. Saying "I know you, dont think I dont remember what happened yesterday, I saw you following her!" Mr. Mary Jane looks at him and says, "Dude I'm just trying to help" and The Guy yells back "We dont want you here! Go away!" Um, yeah it was freaky weird.

At that moment, Denise and I probably had the exact same thought. "Were we this homeless man's property?" And then I wondered how fast I could bring this car down after we tightened the lugnuts on the spare that we still had to get on. He told us that the day before he had seen Mr. Mary Jane following some woman and he followed them to make sure that she got to wherever she was going safely. At that point, Denise got down on the curb and in one shot got the spare on. No lie.

After The Guy tightens the lugnuts, he asked if I could get the car down. Yes, I realize that I'm doing half the work that this guy is going to claim the win on. So I'm bringing the car down and he asks Denise if she's my mom. Now, Denise is 3 years older than I am and earlier that day we got confused for sisters (its the curly hair and glasses). We had joked that we should create some elaborate story that we were long lost relatives or something - so this came with an extra shock. We had a good chuckle as I double timed the bringing down of the car, of course he flies in at the last minute to "wrap it up". He gets up and we thank him for the help. He says that he was happy to do so since God had asked him to help. Denise hands him $5 and apologizes for not having any more. He thanks us once again and turns to leave. I turn to Denise and ask her for a ride back to the office and we couldnt stop laughing all the way back to the office.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAKEMAN!!!

Not only has election day come and gone but that also means that my little pumpkin's birthday has arrived. Today - the Jakeman turns 7. Watching your child's birthday arrive is a very bittersweet moment at times. On the one hand, you are watching child grow into the person they are meant to be and you are there nurturing, guiding, and beaming with pride. On the other, they are turning into the person they are and the sarcasm comes out when you sing happy birthday to them and they say "Thanks mom, but you know you are never going to be on American Idol right?"

Thanks kid - you done make me proud!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAKEY!!!

Si Se Puede!

Sen. Barack Obama has won the Presidency of the United States of America!

I cannot tell you how proud and overwhelmed I am to be an American citizen on this day. I always hoped that I would be able to see the day that a minority would hold the office of the President.

If you didn't believe in the change and the hope this man offers, please watch the video of his speech in Chicago after they have announced him as the winner. I felt as if I was a part of that crowd and I was saying "YES WE CAN!"

History In The Making!

I hope you voted and I hope you are glued to your tv or internet watching the returns.

Whoa!

I swear, for the first minute of this trailer I thought this was a new movie coming out. Nope its a video game.

One More Push

Tomorrow is Election Day!

History will happen tomorrow - either the first African-American man will be elected as the President or a women will be elected as Vice-President. If you believe in superstitions - Obama will win because the Redskins lost tonight.

I was telling my friend that I was thinking about having an Election party to watch the returns and she said "oh like an Oscar party?". Well duh! We have our own ballots to mark off the winner and have little American flags to wave - doesnt that sound like a kick ass party? I, for one, will be getting some chinese food and watching the returns until I'm about to pass out from exhaustion or excitement. I realize that we will probably have to wait a few days to get the official winner but its still great to sit back and watch it all unfold in front of you.

If you are a registered voter, please go out and have your voice heard! As for mine, I'll be voting for Obama and No on 8.

My Pippi-licious Day

Oh where do I begin? I guess at the beginning is as good of a place as any.

My Halloween costume this year was Pippi Longstocking. Now, knowing me, I started planning this costume about a week ago and had to do some initial preparation. The two major portions of my planning were my dress and how I was going to get my braided hair to stick out. After a successful trip to the Goodwill store - I was done with my dress only having to add a few details. Next was the task of figuring out how to get my hair to do what it needed to do. I used a suggestion from a coworker to add some coat hangers to a headband and VOILA! Pippi braids are born!

This morning I get up early to get ready. I put the headband with wires on and a funny thing happened. I couldnt walk through the doorways in my apartment. I found this to be really hilarious and the hilarity ensued when I tried to paint my hair red with some costume hairspray out in my back patio...alone...using one mirror...and trying not to get much on myself. On to the rest of the costume - with the hair finished, the freckles added, the pirate hat on - I was on my way to work. Until I get to my car and I dont fit in my car because of the hat and the hair is hindering...well everything. I couldn't stop laughing that I had to call Kostas to share.

I arrive at work and my coworker can't stop laughing at me. And I mean anytime I walk by her desk she is cracking up. It was pretty funny actually. And this is what she was laughing at:

In the picture, you can't really tell how the headband and the wires are but let me tell you that the wires are kind of digging into my scalp and its hurting a whole hell of a lot. So much so that I had to stick little pieces of fabric underneath the wire in my hair. There was a lot of stuff going on at work, the pinnacle being our company event and costume contest (where I won Best Look-A-Like). After work, I headed straight home because 1) my head was hurting and 2) my feet were KILLING me.

I make myself dinner and sit down to relax. That is, until there was a knock at my door. I have to state that I made it a point not to turn on the light. So I get up and there are the kids asking for candy. I let them know that I didn't have any and closed the door. About 3 minutes later, another knock at the door - same routine. I'm digging into my chicken and veggies when KNOCK KNOCK...I open again and there they are - again! I bit my tongue and apologized for not having candy. I sit and get settled when KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. This time I wasnt holding back. I opened the door and they are yelling "TRICK OR TREAT!!!" And I say - "If the light isnt on - you do not knock for candy! Learn the rules!" and then I proceed to shut the door rather hard.

Here is the best part of all that - I posted "Do kids know the basic rule of Trick or Treating? If the light is OFF there is NO CANDY! I just enlightened a few 10 yr olds." on my Facebook/Myspace/Twitter accounts. I know that I have sarcastic friends but damn Gina! Maybe I was being a bit over sensitive but I thought it was funny after I realized what I had done and now people are saying that I was being mean! I almost started posting comment after comment justifying my "rudeness". Don't get me wrong - I posted a little something but I was still a little annoyed by it all.

Now - Halloween is all but over and all I have left to remind me of the day is a gift certificate for a massage and two sore feet. Happy Halloween!!

Attack of the Zombies

A while back, I had to have a talk with Jake about some confusion he had over the Thriller dance. After he watch the actual Thriller video, Jake was hooked on Michael Jackson. Over the weekend, there was an event at the Hollywood and Highland complex called "Thrill The World" and I was going to try my best to get Jake there to see it.

Thrill The World is an annual worldwide simultaneous dance of Michael Jackson's Thriller dance. This year they had 4,177 people in 72 cities in 10 nations participating. Just so you know, that is a world record!

So there we are, arriving JUST in time to watch it all go down. I have to say that I was actually planning to participate but opted out at the last minute. Oh but how I regretted it that day.

Click here to see the performance at Hollywood and Highland but I opted to post the video from the San Francisco event because nothing says scary zombie like dancing in your roller skates.



If you are interested in seeing videos from other cities, go here! I dare not to want to do that dance afterwards :P

Adding Another Reader To The Blogroll

A great big CONGRATULATIONS to Kerry and Natalie on the birth of their new son, Jack.

Welcome to the club!

Pluck and Blow

While interviewing Wynton Marsalis on the latest episode of the Colbert Report, they showed a very short clip of Stephen Colbert playing a saxophone with Kareem Abdul-Jabbar playing a double bass. Yes, I did a double take and then a few minutes of some internet searching and VOILA! I find the original clip where they pulled it from.

The best laugh I had all day. Enjoy...

Whew! Thought It Was Just Me...

One day, after watching an episode of "Two and a Half Men" (don't judge me) I noticed that one of the slides at the end of the episode had a little bit more writing than usual. With the magic of TiVo, I paused the screen to see a slide from Chuck Lorre Productions. It was something like this (its not exactly this but I picked this one because its funny):

CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #111*

This is the official "I have nothing worth writing about" vanity card. It will run whenever I have nothing worth writing about. Don't be surprised to see it quite a bit. From now on, when our schedule requires me to deliver a new card and I'm empty, I'll simply say, "Run one eleven." A check of the one hundred and ten cards I've already written will quickly demonstrate that I should have written this card a long time ago. Why didn't I? Vanity. I had become vain about my vanity cards. I was determined to write a new one each week because, well... I'm just that kind of guy. But I'm older and wiser now. I know when I have nothing to say. And that knowledge is freedom. Freedom from the constant need to win your approval. And more importantly, freedom from the obsessive and relentless need to end each vanity card on a joke. The Electoral College.*

1st Aired: 8 Nov 2004

I have to admit that on the one hand I'm so happy I found these Vanity Cards because they are so funny and on the other hand I'm sooo pissed off at myself that I had never seen them before! Its like my tv is giving me this look...the exact same look that I pictured my brother giving me when I told him I discovered "This American Life". That look goes something like this: