Joel's Charity Ride

Ladies and Gents of the Net:

I have an announcement...My very dear, sweet, funny, available, adorable friend Joel is having a poker tournament in Studio City, CA on August 20th. Its a BBQ and the Texas Hold 'Em Tournament. It will be a good time had by all. I'm actually wondering how many people would actually show from the mention of this blog. So I asked Joel - if you show and mention THIS blog...you will get an extra raffle ticket. Look at the power people!

So without further adieu - from Joel's fingers to your eyes...

Okay, so people ask me why I'm having this poker tournament. Ultimately, it's because I hate whining to people, asking for handouts. Every day at work someone's trying to raise money for their kid's school, for their run/walk/bike thing, for whatever this month's cause is. I'm pretty sure this month's cause is bailing out NASA from public embarassment - do you know how expensive a good PR campaign can be?

But I digress. Even if they offer you something for the donation, you're paying like $5 for a cheap ass candy bar that's made in some generic factory with ingredients pulled from the bowels of the local farm. You know how hotdogs are made from all the leftovers from all the animals we cut up to make meat? Same thing for this candy bar they try to pass off as edible. Who's the charity? The candy manufacturer? Some businesses are meant to go under.

So, I need to raise $3000 for the Arthritis Foundation and participate in a bike ride from San Francisco to LA. But I'm kicking down a helluva lot to get these donations. First off, I've giving up a chunk of ass for it. Because by the time I get done riding my bike 520 miles, I'm going to have a serious wedgie. And the wedgie will be wedged into a secondary wedgie of skin from the original wedgie.

Anyway. The Poker Tournament is my way of having fun with the donations. But it's a helluva lot of work. And probably costing me more than I would have spent if I had just donated the $3000 myself. But it will be a ton of fun. You can check out all of the details at http://www.joelwardonline.com/TotallyCyclotic/

If you can't make the tournament (or don't want to, or don't know who the fuck I am), then the Arthritis Foundation can still use the support. If you can donate even a few bucks, give it a shot at http://afcoastride.kintera.org/magicant

Thanks for the time. We now take you back to your regularly scheduled program, courtesy of The Onion...
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