What I Learned From My Favorite Hockey Players

A few weeks ago on a Saturday was the much anticipated "Meet The Players Party" where yours truly and yours truly JR, went to meet some of our favorite LA Kings players at the Home Depot Center.

The set up was really good - there were queues set up where you can get in line to get one autograph and one picture with the players and there was some games and free food/drinks. The doors opened at 1pm and the autograph session was from 2-4pm. I figured I'd show up at 1pm and see how it goes, my thing was for Jacob to get his jersey signed. I love how I have expectations of behavior and such from my 4 yr old.

So here are a few things that I learned that Saturday:

1) When in doubt - get there early and have a wingman!
Because I have never been to an event like this I didnt know what to expect. I took the Jakeman because I figured it would be fun for him and it was for like 40 minutes. Here's the story...we get there about 1:20pm and beeline for Luc Robitaille's (or Robi-tale as Jacob calls him) autograph line. As soon as we get there, they tell us that it has reached its capacity and so we move over to Pavol Demetria's line who is Jacob's other favorite player. While waiting in line we are eating food and just chatting and I'm trying to pump Jacob up about the whole thing (because we all know I was beside myself with excitement, right?) Does Pavol Demitra wears boxers...or briefs? I dont know, but I asked. No not him - some of the marketing crew was going around having the fans ask obscure questions and when put on the spot thats what I asked. God knows where "Kings TV" is - I'm assuming its going to be up on the jumbotron during a hockey game. Hopefully it will show the night I'm on the zamboni - anyone else notice the counter flip to less than 30 days!?!?!?!?

2.) Jacob really doesnt like to have his picture taken.
Here is the story: As much as a ham my kid is - for some reason he kept chickening out when it got to be his turn to take a picture. We waiting 35 minutes for Demitra and when we get there, he decides that he doesnt want to take his picture or have him sign his jersey.



So I convinced him that he could take his jersey off and hand it to players - that seemed to work, but only one of them got to take a picture with Jacob...






That lucky man was Mike Weaver.





3.) Sean Avery is a dick.
I know I really didnt need any proof of this but he left early - so did Demitra for that matter, but I like Demitra more.

4.) Michael Cammalleri is a fine motha-fucka.
I'll be damned if Cammy isnt freaking FINE! Just look at this picture - yeah yeah, it was too late to get in the line...if only...if only...

5.) George Perros thought I was stalking him.
This happened because I love my friend Monica from here to the there. She asked me to take a picture of George Perros and I found him signing autographs with Mathieu Garon (goalie) and instead of getting into the long ass line, you can stand off to the side and just take a picture of them and not with them (like animals at the zoo). So I'm standing off to the side and Perros notices me (swoon!) and asks why I dont get in the line. I point to Jacob (who by now is in a rather foul mood about the whole thing) and tell him that he doesnt want to wait in anymore lines but I was just going to take a picture of him. So he smiles - great picture! Bad focus. DAMMIT, so I take another one...again with the bad focus. By now he's looking at me and asks - "What? Arent you done?" I reply" uhhh, the camera's not working right" I had missed my moment, so this was as good as it got without drawing a restraining order on my ass.

6.) JR Rules!

Seriously do I have to say anything else about this guy? This is my new picture on my myspace profile and yes I told him that it was going on there. LOVE HIM!

7.) Matti Norstrom loves babies!
There is nothing sexier than a hockey player holding a baby (actually there are alot of things but we wont get into it here). He took like 10 pictures with this little girl - lucky bitch.

8.) Tim Gleason is funny as shit.
Like I mentioned before - you dont have to get into the line to take a picture of the players, only if you wanted a picture with them and/or signature. So it was the end of the day and we got to Eric Belanger and Tim Gleason's area and as he was finishing off he saw a couple of us taking his picture, he kept posing and telling us to just sneak in - that we could overrun the security guard. Very funny but I dont know if Perros would have the same opinion.


9.) Dont ever trust the Kings marketing team to tell you the truth.
A few of us got a chance to sneak as time wound down to meet Alexander Frolov. Since my wingman was being bribed to stay chipper (I owed him a King's helmet) I needed to get some responsible adult to take my picture with Frolov. So I ask the marketing guy to take my picture. He said that it came out great! And I grabbed my camera and ran to get some last minute signatures and pictures. I checked the camera afterwards.....BASTARD!

The Weekend Checklist

Bought my friend's belated birthday present - CHECK
Bought myself new jeans (a size smaller - woohoo!) - CHECK
Got a new haircut (and it looks FABULOUS!) - CHECK
Finally saw Transamerica - CHECK
Went to the optometrist and ordered new glasses - CHECK
Got an apartment - CHECK

DAMMIT!

I straightened my hair and now its raining...back to curly I go, oh well. I have lots to say but being swamped at work has hindered the posting for today - maybe over the weekend if I can get to a computer since I'll be running around in LA this weekend sans child.

Attention 24 Fans!

Scotty poo's post this afternoon about Jack Bauer had me doubled over in laughter...run don't walk over to your mouse button for this one!

P/S Thanks for the props Scott! I'm not obsessed, I'm observant...and I go on a lot of message boards to verify my suspicions. Last night you almost got a few text messages my friend.

Review Of LOST

OK - my traditional Thursday post - off we go.

The man captured by Danielle gives the name Henry Gale and he said that he got on the island a la hot air balloon - hmm - Wizard of Oz anyone, Bueller, anyone? Uncle Henry? Dorothy Gale? Hello?!?! Totally an other - I couldnt get past that no one asked him why he had a relatively clean shave for being on the island for 4 months in a cave.

The soldier holding the picture of the girl was Kate's stepdad and obviously the girl in the picture was Kate.

After the counter reached ZERO (finally!) there were some Egyptian hieroglyphics that popped up - could they mean death? According to TheTailSection - it means CAUSE TO DIE.

When they showed Sayid the video of the gassing in the village - it said Property of DIA - could it be Department of Intelligence Agency or Dharma Initiative Agency? Hmmmmmm

I just thought this was really funny - here is the link to where I got it from.

What Happened On The Way To Coffee Bean...

As I walk up Highland to Hollywood this man approaches me - not too shabby looking I might add - he gets real close to me and:
He says "What disease is festering inside of you right now?"
WHA? HUH?
I said "What the hell are you talking about?"
Him:"I said, what is festering inside of you right now? What kind of a disease?"
Me: "An extreme annoyance, go away."

Man, I love Hollywood.

Not in My House!

Ahh - seems like the Kings read my blog and were properly motivated for the weekend! Kings beat the Chicago Blackhawks in OT on Saturday, more importantly they rallied to beat Dallas 6-5 on Sunday.

If that doesnt make a good blog entry, this story will....

I'll be damned if some white trash from Dallas didnt buy tickets behind me for the Sunday game. Now I dont mind a little trash talking between fans in the stands, that is what part of the fun is - but this family of inbreds were fucking trashed by the time I got there (literally at like 1:10pm with the game starting at 1pm). While entering the arena, we hear that the Stars score so the white trash bunch (WTB from now on) are on their soapbox. Seriously whatever - it only matters what happens at the end of the game - right? So the score stays pretty close during the 1st period and when we score our 2nd goal (and take the lead) Mike does his thing, the whole "He shoots, he scores, hey Turco - YOU SUCK!" Well for some reasons the WTB took exception to this and started bad mouthing Mike and called him names. Seriously - when the Stars tied it up, they mocked Mike and did the whole shouting thing against us. There was a huge fight and we ended up on a power play because the goalie (Turco) decided to get in on it and stuff, well the girl behind me started really cursing about the whole thing and I'm standing there with Jacob -so I turn around and ask (tell) her to please watch the language because of Jacob (NOTE: I curse around my kid a lot, to the point where I have to give him a dollar every time he catches me but on top of how disrespectful all around these people were being, I didnt mind becoming bitchy mommy). She gave me a look - this WTF look. Now, its not like she was saying "F-that" and left it...oh no, she put a string together a few times..more like "Mother Fuckers, cant tell any of those asshole shitheads to get their fucking act together" Oh yeah. So she turns to her peroxide headed mother and mullet wearing father and gives them a look. You know how you KNOW people are talking about you? Yeah, thats how it was "What did she say?" "Who does she think she is?" Well there was a goal that was being reviewed and I looked up at that TV's in the pressbox behind my seats to check out what was going on. They said "What the fuck is her problem?" Seriously, I'm not look at them, I'm looking over them, finally Mullet man turns around and says "Oh, she's watching the TV" but by that time, I had had enough. Instead of getting into it with them, I opt to be the bigger person (coward) and move seats (flee the area). Really, it had crossed the line when they were mocking Mike, since Jacob just loves him I couldnt handle him hearing the crap they were saying. So I make a big deal about moving, I didnt wait in between periods, I waiting for the whistled grabbed my shit and moved. Everyone is like WTF happened!??! So I told them and we all glared over at the WTB as we made comments, faces, and laughed...it was really high school and petty (it was awesome). So now there was a divide because I wasnt the only person that abandoned the area, this guy and his daughter had also left. So we go into the 3rd period and we are down 5-2 - and yes with every goal they got louder and more obnoxious. But Karma has a funny way of slapping you in the face, and the WTB got theirs when our team came back and won 6-5. We would chant TURCO and Jacob would say TURKEY in between plays and whenever we scored - we ALL did the Mike thing. I know it urked them and it didnt help when I said really loud "Damn 4 unanswered goals! That must be hard to swallow."

Lessons Learned:
1. Dont talk shit at the beginning of the game - only matters what the score is at the end.
2. Those little black boxes behind you are called televisions and those things they kept showing over and over again are replays - thats what we are looking at - NOT YOU!
3. Your goalie does suck.
4. Don't mess with anyone is our section.

LOST Fans!

Its a quickie...

Found this link to an Easter Egg in Charlie's dream.

To The LA Kings

While I get ready to embark on my hockey weekend with not one, but TWO hockey games this weekend, I'd like to make a short statement to the players of the LA Kings...

STOP LOSING!

You guys have been on an 8-game losing streak and as much as you'd like to get to those precious two weeks off for the Olympic break - it pains me to watch you guys give up bullshit goals, not connect on passes, and take unnecessary penalties. So here are a few things you need to work on:

1) Penalties - I'm as much of a fan of taking down the other guy but you guys are getting caught for stupid stuff! I'll admit if Mr. Magoo is the ref then he has a personal vendetta but really be sneakier.

2) The Need to Score - let me say this once...PASS IT TO THE NET! On a power play you guys pass it to one another as if the penalty is something for YOU to kill and not the other way around. In order to score, you need to shoot the puck at the actual net, it ain't gonna do it on its own.

3) SHOOT THE PUCK! Ok, so I lied, I am saying it again.

4) Getting the Lines Back Together - I'm sure that getting the guys back from injury has hurt the dynamic a bit but thats what practice is for. Get it together! I'm having more fun watching the 5 yrs olds crash into one another in between the periods.

That is all.

Tear You Apart

So I have been loving this song since it came out, finally the video comes out and well...

TEAR YOU APART (She Wants Revenge)

Video Code provided by VideoCodeZone.Com

TGIF!!!

Ladies and Gents - we have another edition of pictures that I'm sure everyone has seen! Away we go...

Hey Rockstar: Did you and Kanga have another "incident"?

I KNEW IT!!!!I

You are all welcome...

Thats for Juan

EXCELLENT!!!

VERY VERY TRUE...$50 on Yo bitches.

Its the new crack for stay at home mommies too!

You're welcome dudes.

Where is the AVON ad for this?

Are you sure? Really?

The New Sheriff In Town!

Last night was a really good LOST episode – Here are some things that were caught in the show:

1) Yes, that was Kate’s mom who was the waitress in the café where Sawyer met up with his partner.
2) The manuscript that Hurley was reading actually has a description on Amazon.
3) Just for fun...click here and type in gary troup. Gary Troup is the author of the manuscript that Hurley found...Gary Troup is also an anagram for PURGATORY. OOOOHHHH
4) My favorite and a reason why I'm brushing up on my French: When Sayid was showing Hurley how he fixed the radio, he got the French woman and he assumed it was the same looping message they had received before. It wasn't. The message did not loop, and translated said something along the lines of "I need help. Meet me at the Black Rock."

Thats it for now - I actually have lots of work to do this morning.

Word to the Wise

What not to say in a room full of pilots while learning to smoke a cigar...

So, how hard do I suck on this thing?

MOVIE REVIEW: Brokeback Mountain

I finally got a chance to go see the Heathy/Jakey love story. I went last night with my coworker (and new buddy) Rozanne and not only did we have a great time in a secret bar we now are going to frequent, but got a chance to experience the Brokeback Mountain together. Let me say that its not as awesomely great like everyone says it is – well in my opinion. It was good, really good, but it wasn’t OMG great. I think that I’m a rather open minded person and we all know there is a love scene in this movie – and I was cringing behind my sweater when it happened. I think it was because they just put it out there – not a long seductive scene but WHAM! THERE IT IS! So the fact that I was caught off guard I’m sure had something to do with it. Rozanne said the girls next to her giggling also kind of threw off the mood. Now for a not so in-depth analysis of the movie: I tend to agree with Gene Shalit’s review that Gyllenhaal’s character was a sexual predator. BTW – he actually apologized for his review after coming under fire from GLAAD un-fucking-believable, seriously no one else saw that Jack was wanting Ennis to give up his life for him and when he didn’t get his way he went elsewhere to be “satisfied” HELLO!??! Mexico! That’s what predators do – if they are hunting and don’t catch the first game, the go to the next one AND THAT’S WHAT JACK DID! I have to admit that I reached my breaking point (of crying) when Ennis found the shirt. That truly did it. Ranks right up there for me like when Sally Field breaks down in the cemetery in Steel Magnolias and Barbara Hershey asks Bette Midler to take her out of the hospital in Beaches. It was a good love story – I thought that Heath Ledger did a spectacular job in his role, Jakey was good, I don’t know why Michelle Williams got nominated for her 10 minutes in the movie. I wish the movie luck, because it was groundbreaking – but that doesn’t mean that it’s the greatest ever.

TV stuff

Somehow everything that I want to post about is related to television - so its a TV centric post today!

24
How freaking awesome was 24 last night?!?!?! I swear I had to pee for like 45 minutes during that show and I couldnt move. Damn that President Logan is a big fat pussy. Lets just go ahead and believe that The President of the United States is going let all this shit go down. Lets give a big applause for the secret service agent that helped Jack get into see the President and confront Cummings - way to do your job man! He just scored some fan points on my end. On a side note: I recognized one of the secret service agents as someone I used to work with at Universal Studios. He was the one that told Aaron that the order to arrest Jack came from Walt Cumming's office. Good job Terry!

Flight 93
I was channel surfing and stopped on that Flight 93 based on one of the flights of 9-11. I watched it for about 10 minutes and was weeping for about 8 minutes of that time.

TV Blogs
As we know - I'm a fan of blogs. Its just fun to get into someone else's world and catch up on it without getting sucked into the major dramas (unless it proves to be entertainment). Some TV show characters have started blogs and here I am to pass them along.

Dwight from THE OFFICE and Barney from HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER.

P/S Hysterical!

THE BURGER KING KING




Let me state for the record that I think the BK King is freaky, like I dont even like to watch the commercials alone in the dark, FREAKY.



So why would Burger King further promote this character? I have no idea but there are pictures of him floating around with Brooke Burke having a "relationship". Part of me is finding this funny, the majority of me is still creeped out.






Nice day for a walk....




















<----------EWWWWWWW

Hockey, More Hockey, and a Monster Truck Rally

Last Thursday I took my coworker Rozanne to the Kings game and I'll be damned if we (along with a season seat buddy Anna) became the new 3 musketeers. Shit I havent laughed that hard in a long time. It was needed because of some work crap going on - got some venting, some drinking, and some gosspin' going on.

Those fucking Ducks managed to screw up a perfectly wonderful afternoon game at the Staples Center on Saturday. They beat my Kings 6-2. Those bastards thinking that talent is actually useful. Oh well - rematch again tonight.

Alright - Saturday night I did something I never thought I would do. I went to a freaking monster truck rally at Anaheim Stadium with my uncle and cousins. I'll be damned if I didnt thoroughly enjoy myself. Funny part of the night were the girls sitting behind us who were screaming and I mean SCREAMING like InSync was in concert at the trucks. Jacob kept turning around and giving them dirty looks. I took a picture of the look - it was classic. I also took a picture of the sold out arena, a skanky woman singing the national anthem, taped Gravedigger doing some destruction - all would have been great to put on the blog but in an attempt to download the stuff onto the computer - the memory card got corrupted and all data was lost. Oh well, least I tried!

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Playing Catch-Up

Lots of little things to catch up on since I havent had the chance to type them up. First things first...LOST!

What is up with Charlie's crazy religious dreams about baptizing Aaron? Here is my theory - this is what happened to THE OTHERS - you know how Gabrielle said that basically they all went mad? Well maybe Charlie is starting to go down the path that The Others went down when they went looney. I thought it was awesome that Locke bitch slapped Charlie - I'm sorry, I know that Scott thought it was lame - but I thought it showed what kind of power hungry guy Locke is becoming on the island. P/S Loved Sawyer teasing Hurley about Libby. Hurley said that Libby looked familiar - dude - couldnt she have been working at the mental institution while Hurley was there? Maybe she's a spy and has been spying on Hurley this whole time? What if Hurley is the key to the island since he is the only one that is seeing the connection with the numbers? Just a thought.

My Kings are sucking ass right now. They lost the last two - hopefully they'll bounce back for Saturday's game against the Ducks. Went to the game last night - but boy oh boy thats its own post right there so I'll be doing that later.

Let me just say that people need to know not to fuck with a few people in the bidness - one of which is Oprah Winfrey. James Frey - the author of the best-seller "Million Little Pieces" had been accused by The Smoking Gun website that he had fabricated major parts of his memoir. He went on Larry King and denied, denied, denied - even Oprah called in and stood up for him. Then low and behold he goes back on Oprah and says - well yeah, I kind of "embellished" parts of the story. Let me say that for this guy to have pulled the wool over Oprah and have her do a 180 of her support for him - its like he has fucking cojones to screw with her. Someone's off of the Harpo Christmas card list...let me tell ya!

For the 24 Addicts

Found this...thought it might be more relevant for someone who has seen the show longer than I have (cough Scott and The Chad) - enjoy!

Kings and 24

Man, those Duck radio guys are rather snippy if you ask me. In my pursuit of finding Kelly Hrudey for my jersey signature, I went to the Radio/TV broadcast section of Staples Center and asked (rather nicely) if Kelly Hrudey was there to broadcast for the OLN network. The announcer turns to me and said "This is the DUCK radio side, you may want to ask the KINGS radio side" I was taken aback - "Do Ducks not know things?" Fuck be rude, even more reason for me to hate your team. I went on the other side and Darryl Evans (the color commentator for Kings radio) was nice enough to let me know he wasnt there. Game went into overtime and Kings ended up winning in a shootout. Great game - Shannon joined me (eventually :P ) and we have our new place to park for $3.

24
Since I was at the game, I missed 24. I had texted Scott to let me know what happens and he calls me with like a minute left in overtime. All I did was pick up the phone and scream "We are in overtime!!" He quickly told me a couple of things and said he'd catch me up today, I couldnt wait, I found this update but I'm sure that Scotty will indulge me in asking all my dumbass questions.

Blog of Interest

Since I'm having an extended stay at the receptionist's desk (which is where I do all my internet surfing), I found some blogs to check out.

Kevin and Bean recap - here is a blog dedicated to recapping the Kevin and Bean show on KROQ. This will come in handy when they talk about Lost every Thursday morning.

Speaking of Kevin and Bean - here is Bean's blog.

An interesting one from a cab driver in NYC.

8.9, 81, 4

Nice busy weekend. Nothing like driving all over LA and the desert to burn the weekend away.

Went to the hockey game with my cousin on Saturday...8.9 seconds...8.9 freaking seconds left in OT for the Kings and Sharks to go into the shootout and the Kings lose. I hate the refs that were at the game, they always call bullshit penalties on our team. The last two minutes of the regular game (when the Sharks tied) and the last two minutes of OT (when the Sharks won) they were on the powerplay. I dont think my cousin has ever heard me curse as much as I did that afternoon. Oh well, truth has to come out sometime.

Can you believe Kobe Bryant's 81 point night? Pretty impressive - not shocking because he's a ball hogging diva. Ok, enough props, moving on since I dont give a shit about basketball.

It was 4 degrees in Ridgecrest when I left...ok, 4 degrees Celcius but damn - its still single digits. I went to visit the familia and do some much needed lounging. Too bad I couldnt get much sleep since the Jakeman caught a cold. Last night I was trying to give him some cold medicine to calm his stuff nose and he totally spit it out into my hands. Then he states "That is the worst thing I have ever tasted!" I couldnt be mad, it was funny.

Kings/Ducks tonight at Staples. Ok here is the deal with a little mission I have going on with myself. I have this jersey - a Kelly Hrudey jersey that I've had since 1994 or so. Next to my kid - this is my most prized possession. Juan joked that depending if Jacob behaves or not which one has the top spot. Anyways, I'm on a mission to get Kelly Hrudey to sign this sucker. Kelly Hrudey was the Kings Goalie during the 90's and is one of my favorite all time Kings players. A couple of weeks ago, Mike (my seat buddy) tells me that Hrudey was at Staples for a game that I wasnt at and he was no lie, like 20 yards away from us since OLN was carrying the broadcast and he's an announcer with them. Ladies and Gents, tonight the psycho stalker comes out because if this man is in the building, by golly I'm having him sign my jersey, which by the way no one else is allowed to sign. The funny thing about all this is not the obsession but just wondering if I could pull it off. That was what was driving the whole riding the Zamboni thing too - just wondering if I could do it.

Movie Review: Underworld: Evolution

I didnt see the first one so I was kind of lost for a little while but quickly caught on. Let see...how can I describe it - lets find some adjectives..shall we?

Boring
Tiresome
Pointless
Insipid

Needless to say I thought it sucked. It reminded me of how I felt when I saw that last Matrix, the disappointment still resonates. I still wish I had Kate Beckinsale's body though.

Final rating: Rental if you must.

Man or Woman?

Ok - this is what I was talking about from American Idol. What do you think? Man or a woman? Here is a link to the audition video - let me know if it doesnt work.

LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUC!

I was hoping last night the Kings would overcome their injuries and play their hearts out and by golly they did. Not only did they win 8-6 but Lucky Luc surpassed Marcel Dionne as the King’s all time scorer AND got a hat trick (hat trick is when a player scores 3 goals in one game). Juan was kind enough to join me (cold and all) to this little historical event for a Kings fan. It was so exciting to be there and watch all this unfold. Sure, I thought the Kings were going to get their asses handed to them when it seemed like they weren’t keeping up but in the end the game was really really exciting! I am happy now. Hockey, History, Beer, and Great Company made for a great night.


AI and LOST Recap

I actually did do a post for American Idol and LOST but I’ll be damned if Blogger didn’t eat it. Oh well.

American Idol – I love watching this one right at the beginning with all the horrible singers on it. Its like watching a train wreck. They had one person on the show that I have to find a picture of and then make a post. If you watched it, you know who I’m talking about. They sang Queen of the Night…oh yeah.

LOST – I have to admit this episode was a little slow for me. I share in Scott’s thoughts that if I was standing in front of the OTHERS I would have been asking a hell of a lot of questions and not just taking it up the ass like Jack did. What a pussy. I’m officially stating that I want Kate with Sawyer. Speaking of Kate, what a dumb woman to go off and not listen to Jack and stay behind. She gets herself kidnapped and a big wrench gets thrown in their plan.

Couple of questions for thought…
1) When Kate was brought out in front of Jack, Sawyer, and Locke – they had Alex bring her out. Wasn’t Alex the name of Gabrielle’s child that was “stolen” by the Others?
2) Who was Jack’s wife seeing on the side? My money is on Desmond or what if its SAWYER? And she was his next mark? Lonely doctor’s wife? OOHHH that would be even BETTER television. Reason why they are in “purgatory” - Sawyer has to make amends for breaking up Jack’s marriage. I’m liking this theory I literally thought up while typing this post out.

Where to begin?

Its not like I have a lot to say in terms of breaking news...just a lot out there to talk about. First things first - tv reviews.

LOST
Was it just me or the episode was just eh? Jack, Locke, Sawyer met some of THE OTHERS (insert ominious music here) and Kate was a dumb woman who didnt listen to Jack and got herself kidnapped. Ok, she totally annoyed me last night. At least we learned that Jack's wife left him for someone else - maybe thats why he cant commit to actually liking Kate, because he might leave her for Sawyer (who I think she should be with anyways).

American Idol
I swear I love watching the shows at the beginning where the sucky people come out. There were a couple of people that were really good but the most memorable one of the night was this guy who I swear looked like a girl. I'm sure he knew and he was playing it off to get more attention but DAMN! I have to find a picture and post it. Damn this job of mine.

24 x 2 = An Ulcer

I have to publically apologize to Scott and every other 24 fan (including my brother) for not getting on this bandwagon earlier - where have I been? Because Scott was kind enough to try out LOST (and get hooked) I opted to try out 24 (and subsequently getting hooked I'm guessing). Holy Crap! My stomach was in knots for the majority of the time and I wanted so badly to throw shit at my television whenever the weenie of the President was on. My mom had watched the first season on DVD and had told me how she spent a whole weekend glued to the TV watching episode after episode for duh, 24 hrs.

Now we are going to have recaps of 24 and LOST every week. Lets give this 24 recap a twirl - shall we?

24
Because I'm a dork and watched Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy (the next show I'm getting everyone hooked on) on Sunday, I missed the first two episodes of 24, however, it wasnt that hard to catch up come Monday night. So the Russian President is in LA to sign an anti-terrorist treaty with the US President (the aforementioned weenie). At the same time, Russian terrorists had taken over the Ontario Airport and taken about 50 hostages. They promptly kill two of them off and its carried live on tv. Let me say, when it comes to terrorists, this guys are the shit. When they say they are going to do something, by golly they go right to it. So they get grab this kid who apparently means something to Jack (our hero). Jack had been hiding in the rafters feeding information to CTU (some government agency that Jack used to work for). Since there is a mole in the White House, the terrorists find out about Jack and threaten to kill the kid to wash him out and it works. Jack comes out and the terrorists try to use him to set up the rescuers but the hobbit, Sean Astin stops it and they form a new plan and capture the terrorists and save the hostages. While being held hostage - Jack sees that there was a hostage in cahoots with the terrorists and he received some keycard - later the keycard is used to access like 16 canisters of something (nerve gas). Thats it - oh and everyone thinks the first lady is nuts.

Speaking of Karma

I forgot that we launched our internet radio station - Karma Air. My work buddy - THE CHAD hosts a radio show from 8am - 10am and I've been picked on a couple of times. So its on, I'm going to be making signs to distract him while he's on the air. He also wants me to write on the blog when they launch it...what the hell is he thinking?!!?

Karma...

For as much as I would like to be a vindictive bitch – I can’t do it! Perfect example happened on Friday night. I had been circling the blocks in the Miracle Mile, I found a parking spot on the next street over and a car up ahead of me was doing a 3pt turn to come back and get it – I knew he was, he had to be.

So I ducked into a drive way before him and quickly did a turn to snag the spot. I pulled up and quickly did the best parallel parking job EVER – would have been the best if I hadn’t parking in a driveway instead and the other guy got the spot.

See, that’s Karma right there. Serves me right for trying to snake his spot.

Leap of Faith

I've really been thinking about my life and my new deal with myself and after I spoke with a friend last night, I realize that what I lack is faith. Faith that things will work out, faith that people will do what they say they are going to do, and most of all, faith in myself that I can indeed do all this that I hope to do. With all that said, I'm going to take a leap of faith and let my roomie know that I'm leaving in month. Where to? I'm really not sure...but at least I'm going to try.

I WANT TO REPRODUCE!

Now is that a line you use on a cute, available doctor the very first time you are getting to know him? Yeah, I’d say nu-uh too. But that’s what Allie G did on The Bachelor last night!

Her: "I'm ready to settle down and have lots and lots of babies!"

Him: "Uh, I only asked what kind of music you like..."

There is always one trainwreck to entertain us on these reality shows and ladies and gents – she was it for last night. Yes, I know editing has a lot to do with it but I’ll be damned if I wasn’t cringing every time they cut to her. She flat out told him that she’s ready to reproduce and made comments to the camera (and other girls) that “her eggs were getting old”. Needless to say she did not get a rose to stay for the next round and after she was “dismissed” she went up to him and asked him why he didn’t pick her – was she too short? Her boobs too small? What? He told her about the whole reproducing comment and how he wasn’t ready – I’ll at least give him points for being straight up with her. Then…THEN she goes out into the front of the house and starts talking to (get this) the CREW and tried to turn the crew against the Bachelor. Aww man…good times…good times.

P/S I have TV again, can you tell? Just in time for LOST to start up again tomorrow too – yeah!

Porn, Bush, and Brochitis - not necessarily in that order

Happy Monday All!

Damn it feels like its been a long weekend and it hasnt been. I went home to visit the fam and opted to go get checked out by my doctor to see if I can take anything for this allergies that I've been having...apparently nothing because I have viral brochitis - yes, I was shocked as you are. Apparently brochitis along with a sinus infection has made me feel like I have been for the past month. Woe is me. Oh well. But the funny part of all this is that the doctor prescribed me an inhaler...AN INHALER! For all the respitory crap I went through as a kid, I've never had to use an inhaler until now...let me say that if you've never used an inhaler it is quite the interesting experience. I keep getting medicine on my tongue and I dont know if I'm doing it right. Last night I opted to take even deeper breaths and after I squirted the medicine in, I swear I was going to pass out. I ended up waking up at about 3am for 2 hrs - just lying there. Damn that medicine...I think I'm going to hold off on using it unless I need to - oh I dont know, BREATHE! It really screwed me up.

"A Day Without Whores" vs. "Big Butt Road Trip"
Apparently that was the big match up at the 23rd Annual Adult Video Awards in Vegas over the weekend. How would you award the Best Screenplay prize for a porn? I'm kind of curious about that...
Option 1 - Oh baby, come over here...
Option 2 - Bitch get your ass over here!

Ahh - The Bush Strikes Again
Amazingly enough this doesnt have anything to do with the porn thing. I've checked this website out here and there and finally opted to share in case you havent seen it. Slate Magazine has a section dedicated to Bushisms. Oh yeah baby...even more pearls of wisdom from our fearless leader.

Here are a few of my faves...
"I mean, I read the newspaper. I mean, I can tell you what the headlines are. I must confess, if I think the story is, like, not a fair appraisal, I'll move on. But I know what the story's about." —Philadelphia, Dec. 12, 2005 Sure I read the book - well I saw the movie, ok someone told me what the movie was about....

"Those who enter the country illegally violate the law."—Tucson, Ariz., Nov. 28, 2005 Thanks for that lesson.

"I think it's important to bring somebody from outside the system, the judicial system, somebody that hasn't been on the bench and, therefore, there's not a lot of opinions for people to look at." —On the nomination of Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court, Washington, D.C., October 4, 2005 Lets hire someone with no resume and with no experience!

"See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda."—Greece, N.Y., May 24, 2005 PROPAGANDA!

"If they pre-decease or die early, there's an asset base to be able to pass on to a loved one."—On Social Security money stored in private accounts, Cedar Rapids, Iowa, March 30, 2005 Is pre-deceased even a word and did anyone else get the heebie geebies from this?

"In this job you've got a lot on your plate on a regular basis; you don't have much time to sit around and wander, lonely, in the Oval Office, kind of asking different portraits, 'How do you think my standing will be?' "—Washington, D.C., March 16, 2005 "But...but...President Adams told me it was ok to attack Iraq!"

"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB/GYN's aren't able to practice their love with women all across the country."—Sept. 6, 2004, Poplar Bluff, Mo. No comment.

"After all, Europe is America's closest ally."—Mainz, Germany, Feb. 23, 2005 I actually have a story that ties in well to this quote and unfortunately only like 3 people know it, so now I'm going to share with my blogging audience. I had a business law class and we had to research some topics and do some group presentations. The group with the class kiss ass in it had the European Union and she began describing the European Union - then the teacher asked - who does the European Union report to and she said (no lie) The Queen of Europe. I tried so hard to cover up the laughter and I had to literally put my head down and suppress the laughing. I was doing the whole heaving chest thing and tears - TEARS comind down my face. The teacher corrected the kiss ass (who was like 50 yrs old). I still laugh when I think of it. So for the rest of the semester my study group and I referred to her as the Queen of Europe.

Busy Busy Busy

I swear for someone (me) who claims not to have much to do (a life) - I've been rather busy and living it up lately.

Wednesday night I went to see Gone With the Wind at the Arclight. I never EVER realized how funny that movie was until I saw it with other people and heard the laughter. Let me also say that the theater was packed and when the movie started and the credits rolled - the audience broke into applause, it was really an awesome experience. Since the movie is like 3 days long - I didnt get to bed until 1am and sacrificed watching the USC game. Let me say, I'm kind of glad I missed it, I would have been to disappointed if I had seen SC lose. Oh well, moving on.

Last night took the hockey virgin to the game and watching my Kings beat the shit of the Phoenix 4-0. LOVE IT! He rated the game/experience at a 9, so yeah! Looks like we got ourselves another fanatic in the making. Finally saw my crazy/loud seat neighbor Mike and low and behold he gives me a present for Jacob. In December he followed the Kings on their road trip to Montreal and Quebec and brought back pucks for the Jakeman as a souvenier. For as much as he annoys me at the game, the guy really is a sweetheart. But still sings offkey like no other.

Looking forward to a less hectic week next week, although I have to figure out what I'm going to do about my TV issue since LOST starts up next week. EGAD!

Riding the Elevator

One of the perks the gals in my office have come to love about being in this building is that there is not one...but TWO casting offices here.

Just went downstairs and had a nice little flirty moment with a hottie. If I wasnt so hungry I would have found a way to strand ourselves in there.

Back to Work

Always kind of sucks going back to work after a holiday weekend. For me, the holiday weekend was filled with a lot of driving - Fontana/Montclair, West Hollywood, Long Beach, La Puente, Ridgecrest, then back to Hollywood. I should have bought my car a present for at least she didnt leave me stranded anywhere.

I went to go see Memoirs of a Geisha on Sunday night with Shannon and some of her friends. I barely finished reading that book that afternoon (talk about under the wire!) and obviously its not going to be as good as the book - it remained pretty true to it. Favorite part of the night was there is this twist to the story and some gals seated behind us yelled "OH SNAP!" - so funny.

My Kings came back last night and won against Dallas in overtime. Sucks I wasnt able to go to the game (I didnt want to be driving so late at night back to Ridgecrest) since it seemed the game was really exciting at the end. I'll be there Thursday night though - excited about going to a game since I havent gone for a bit - taking a game virgin. I hope it will be fun.

Rose Bowl tomorrow!!! GO TROJANS!!! Love my boys - still don't surpass the Kings but they've always been up there.

Yo 2006!

I talked about this website that allows you to track your goals and such. I created my list and until I figure out how to RSS feed it to my sidebar (*cough* calling Scott *cough*). Until then...here is it.

Melissa's active goals at Superviva.com

Get a laptop

Take Tango Lessons

Get my Passport

Refresh my French

Volunteer with the Habitat for Humanity

Read at least one book a month

Learn how to shoot a gun

Why Stephanie...Why?

This is mainly for the Angelinos...

Why was Stephanie Edwards not in the booth for today's broadcast of the Tournament of Roses's parade? She sat in the audience (in the rain) and was brought in to make the strangest comments.

Whaddup with dat?

New Year - New You

I had read on someone else's blog about a website where you can set up a profile and list your goals - little things like "learning how to weld" or "getting my MBA" and it got me thinking about the things I want for the next year. Sure I can list what I want, but what is the new year going to actually bring me? Happiness? Success? Sadness? Empowerment? I'm not really sure what it will bring me but I can sure know what I'm going to be asking for.

Before the new year dawned on my new life I needed to let the old one go - I got in my car and I ended up in Santa Monica - I parked my car and made my way in the rain through the sandy beach and stood by the shore. Watching the surfers ride the weather driven waves and the birds fly above me - I realized this the moment to let things go. The rain stopped and I stood there and told the Pacific my dreams and my goals for the new year. I told her my fears and regrets of the past year and just like the sea foam, they seemed to disappear into the waves. It felt like an eternity as I stood by the shore telling the ocean my deepest thoughts, then all of a sudden the rain began to fall again. I turned to walk back to my car and I didnt feel like I was getting wet at all. I just kept walking through the sand - feeling the steps getting lighter and lighter. My new life is starting to take form because of the new outlook. I realized then when I sat on the warm, dry seat that I was soaked. I ended up driving to the Sherman Oaks Galleria and treated myself to lunch at the Cheesecake Factory. Women were sitting around drinking their spring water and eating their salads, while I ate a hearty meal with chicken and mashed potatoes. I even had dessert - tiramisu cheesecake. When I left - I was full and happy and ready to face the new year.

Poor Birdie!

Meet Candy

I started reading another blog after a funny story about a woman's hellish ride in a NY taxi cab during the transit strike. Low and behold I check it out this morning and I find a link to this story about Candy. See, Candy was attacked by her cagemate and lost her legs in the fight and a veterinarian made prosthetic legs for the bird.

Ahhh - TGIF.

Legit? Maybe...But Still Fun!

We all know that I'm a LOST fanatic - found this link to yet another LOST website. Dont know if its real or not but like I said, its nice to get sucked into it.

If you select all and then copy and paste in to an excel spreadsheet you will see a bunch of hyper links in the cells. My favorite is K-10. Also note that the copyright of the document is 2009.

Enjoy!

Funny Things Around the Web

Since work is stressing me out beyond belief, I figured a nice breather would revitalize our minds (and the blog). Here are some things I found of interest from the web...

If you are trying to launch into a new career - how about this?

My Kings Rule! So much for Colorado being a powerhouse this year and damn, Rob Blake can be a big baby!

Ducks suck - the goalie gives up one goal and its his own teammate that scores - Selanne should have stayed in San Jose.

HOLY CRAP!!! I was reading my horoscope and they had this link to what your resolutions should be based on your sign. I freaked because one of the "suggestions" is exactly what I had planned to do.

I love Blogging LA - seriously.

HELL NO!

I dont know about you, but this is pretty freaking cute.

I was wondering the same thing.

Is this why he sucks as our President?

I need the money - but no thanks.

Belated Xmas Greetings

Ho Ho Ho people - Merry Belated Christmas! I've been so wrapped up in things that I didnt even get a chance to send out Christmas cards. Sorry. If you were lucky, you got a phone call.

As for my Christmas, things went pretty well. I've come to the cruel realization that Christmas is really for the kids. Not too much loot - although a certain someone did feed the addiction to my crafty side and someone else gave me a cool ring with my birthstone on it - couple of sweaters and a box of licorice. Seriously, I love the box of licorice.

The Jakeman went crazy over his gifts. Loved the jersey and the kids digital camera that "Santa" brought him. AWWWW. After we took Jacob to his dad's for the week - I took my parents to Yuma to see the new baby in the family. How dumb are we that we didnt take one single picture of the baby! We were just involved in lots of family activity and low and behold, yours truly made a ham. My mom was shocked and kept asking me why I dont do anything at home - HAHA, because I'm a guest now in my home and at my aunt's I was "helping".

Back to work.

Santa vs. Mommy

I'm starting to gather that every year its going to be a competition with Santa.

Last year, I had an epiphany about being a parent and not only just giving presents from Santa but also giving present from me. This year, the story is different - I dont want to be overshadowed by the man in red. Sure, Santa may bring him lots of books and such, but mommy is giving him a Kings jersey. When I buy him his presents, I want to give him the better gifts, you know? Some people think I'm over thinking this...am I? I don't think so. Since, as adults, the joy is to watch the reaction that people have when they open that present that you searched high and low to find or even better, made for them - of course you want them to think and say "Damn this was the best Christmas ever!"

For me, its turned into this sick competition with a fictional holiday character for the sake of furthering an illusion for a preschooler.

Not only do I stack up the presents and say "This one will be from me and that one will be from him" but I'm also adhering to the strict "Two types of wrapping paper" rule. Yes, one paper from me and one from Santa. Why? You know why. THE ILLUSION!

I get home and for some reason my mom is not as interested in the whole two different wrapping paper theory that I have. She just doesnt think its as big of a deal as I do. She also is giving all the presents they bought as being from Santa - I told her he's going to think that they didnt want to give him anything. I never understood why Santa's gift tags had my mom's writing or that the paper was the same - its about putting thought into it. This is stuff that I (and I'm sure my brother) noticed growing up, if I'm going to lie to my child, I'm going to do it right!

This is hurting my head - being deceitful takes up too much time and effort.

Old Sox, New Yank

There is something causing a bit of a stir between Bean Town and the Big Apple - the free agency signing of Johnny Damon from the Red Sox to the Yankees. I am a big baseball fan, I love the Dodgers and have a soft spot for the Yanks because my dad is such a huge fan (I will however, cheer for the opposing team during the playoffs to egg him on). So, not only is this a big deal in terms of a star player leaving one team for its biggest rival, it is an even bigger deal that Johnny Damon had to adhere to Steinbrenner's strict "clean-cut" policy. If you are not familiar with Damon, here is a before and after shot.

BEFORE

***For 52 million dollars, I'd get a complete Steinbrenner makeover too.

AFTER

Celebrity Sighting

Saw Andrea Parker at Mel’s Diner while our little department (5 people) went there for a holiday get together. I was the only one who recognized her. I loved that show she was on, Less Than Perfect. Patrick Warburton was great in it, kept calling his assistant Kip, "Secretary" instead of Kip.

My Name is Melissa and I'm a Procrastinator

2 more days till xmas...and I aint done shopping!

This little truth about me always comes to haunt me around holidays and birthdays. This year I’ve cut down on the list of people who are getting presents (I have a system) and for the most part I have most people taken care of. Of course, I forgot to put some people on the list that my son has to “buy” presents for. This part of Parenthood 101 they forget to go over. I may not need to buy anything for the ex, but my son sure as hell has to buy something for his dad. This kid needs to get a job quick.

Since these were mainly presents from my son, I decided to call him and ask him what he wanted to give his grandmother, his grandfather and his dad for Christmas. I told him what I had picked out for grandma and grandpa and he was happy with those, but for dad...he wanted to get daddy an action figure. An action figure? Yup, an action figure. I know my kid well enough to know that he will give the action figure to his dad and know that his dad will say "here you have it" and bam, he gets an extra present.

So last night I went to Target to finish off the shopping, let me rephrase - HOPE to finish off the shopping. Target is a funny place - last night, it was hell...H E L L. Not only do I hate to shop but people were downright pissyshit there. There were times where it felt like I was walking through the areas in slow motion, watching it all like a movie. People screaming at each other for cutting in line, clothes being thrown all over the place, dogs barking (its West Hollywood), and people fighting over a candle. I heart Christmas.

All For The Carver

This was the plan – it was simple, I was going to go pick up a TV from Joel for my new place (oh ya I moved, didn’t I tell you guys that? Yeah, I rented a room in the Miracle Mile area, more on that later) set it all up, wrap Christmas presents and watch Nip/Tuck season finale. That was the plan.

In Melissa’s world, the plan never EVER works out.

Here is my day and I will try to keep timelines in because makes the blog more interesting I think.

6:15am – get woken up by grunts coming from the living room. Roomie is a personal trainer and trains people in the home. Worked out rather well since I needed to be off the street by 8am for the street cleaning.
7:55am – Leave for work – since its early, I opt to stop and pick up some stuff for wrapping and the room at the 99cent store and Target. Something I made a note to get was AAA batteries for my MP3 player (important).
9:10am – I get to work
10:00am - Interview
11:00am – Interview
12:00pm – Interview
12:30pm – Cover Receptionist for lunch
1:00pm – Interview
2:00pm – Interview
2:30pm – Walk to McD’s for some cheeseburgers and hope to see cute Britboy back in town.
3:00pm – 4:30pm Actually sit at my desk and do work
5:00pm – Fire someone
5:45pm – Staked out the parking structure so previous employee doesn’t come back.
6:30pm – Leave work
7:15pm – Arrive at Joel’s to pick up tv bigger than my child to take to my new place
7:30pm – Get phone call from mom asking why I haven’t called her all day (meanwhile I’m trying to control the huge tv in the front seat of my car from crushing me to death while I’m driving a STICK shift car AND talking on the cell phone)
7:42pm – Finally get mom off the phone after I pleaded for my life.
8:05pm – Arrive at the new digs, take some stuff up and ask new roomie to help me with the tv, he cant – bad back.
8:12pm – Pounce on unsuspecting male coming out of a car to help me with my tv, he knows roomie and is really cute.
8:15pm – TV delivered – cute guy calls me babe, I’m loving this neighborhood already.
8:17pm – Miraculously I find a parking spot on my street
8:20pm – Get to my room and plug in the tv – doesn’t work. Try again, nothing. Called Joel and he says that he always used a remote and it worked fine.
8:23pm – Off to Walgreens to find a universal remote for the tv
8:28pm – Arrive at Walgreens – damn Walgreens has a lot of good stuff.
8:32pm – Receive call from friend back east who only drunk dials me, I think its funny we chat for about 15 minutes.
8:41pm – Contemplated buying AAA batteries for the remote, remembered I bought batteries earlier today
8:50pm – Arrive home with new stuff, realized batteries I bought earlier today were AA not AAA’s.
8:50pm – Headed back to Walgreens
8:56pm – Arrive at Walgreens, buy batteries
9:01pm – Made it back home, bought AA batteries AGAIN! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!
9:01pm – Back to Walgreens, called Hope to tell her I’m an idiot
9:06pm – Arrive at Walgreens, bee line to the battery section, ask the clerk to verify that these are indeed AAA batteries (no lie, ask Hope, she was still on the phone)
9:14pm – Back home – load batteries (victory #1), read instructions to program remote, step #1 – Manually turn on TV (I’m fucked)
9:15pm – Started to think that this was not my day.
9:32pm – Called my dad for some daddy advice
9:47pm – Dad told me I was screwed
9:57pm – Accepted defeat, loaded the AAA batteries on my MP3 player and started wrapping presents
10:00pm – Nip/Tuck started, I wonder who The Carver is – still rockin out to my MP3
11:15pm – Decided to hit the hay, its been a long day.
11:21pm – Receive a text message from my cousin that my cousin Michelle’s water broke, dude, due date is a month away.
11:22pm – Called Jonathan to ask how she’s doing, he thinks she’s fine, he and my aunt are in LA and Michelle is ALONE in Yuma, drove herself to the hospital
11:23pm – Called mom to tell her
11:51pm – Get another text message from Jonathan that Michelle is in labor and at 2cm “whatever that means”
11:51pm – Immediately called Jonathan to tell him about childbirth
11:55pm – Off the phone with Jonathan, called mom with update
11:57pm – Called Oscar to update him and since he was going to be watching Nip/Tuck, he can tell me what happened.
11:58pm – Oscar didn’t watch because he kids are sick, ended up talking to my other wonderful sister-in-law for about 20 minutes.
12:31am – Finally went to sleep
6:23am – New baby arrives, shares birthday with Maya
7:12am – Got up and prayed today wont be like yesterday.


Here is a recap to what happened on Nip/Tuck – let me say that pictures of this leaked out sometime yesterday and people were hoping that FX didn’t let the cat out of the bag hours before the big finale. What dummies, seriously.

Who knew?

Who knew that a walk to McD’s yesterday morning would provide enough entertainment for a today’s blog posting. In a perfect world I would have run back to my computer and posted my little adventure but damn my employer and the fact that I've been working my ass off prevented that from happening. I can't believe they expect me to work and not slack off...I knew I should have stayed working for the government, oh well.

Anyways, on to the races...

I get into work and I was jonesing for a Sausage McMuffin with Egg - seriously I dont know why but I just wanted one so badly, I have been craving McD's lately, maybe its because I've really cut down on the fast food - I just find it funny. Anyways, as I'm walking down the street this guy is walking his dog towards me and as he gets close to me the guy crosses the street to avoid me. Ok, so do I have some sort of invisible freak flag flying over me? It struck me as odd oh well, c'est la vie. Onward ho to McDonald's.

I get there and there is this guy standing off to the side - he tells me he's already ordered and to go up..uh, ok thanks man. After I order, I go stand next to him and he's telling this guy (tourist) that he has to stand on this star to get service. I can tell this is going to be fun. So the tourist (might I add a few details - British, one of the most handsomest men I have ever seen in my life) stands on the star and is starting to guess that this man is fucking with him - a big clue was the fact that I was cracking up. So I introduce myself to the funny man and he says his name is Bernard. I ask what he does and he dresses up as Spongebob Squarepants and walks out in front of Hollywood and Highland along with other characters. Maybe it was the smell of hashbrowns in the morning but I found it to be very funny and cool. So Bernard gets his food and goes to sit down. Guess who comes and stands by me? Fine ass Brit boy. Since I was all miss social chatty Cathy I start asking him questions - where he's from? Why he's here? Does he want a personal tour of California...the usual. We had a nice little chat until the called my number - damn food tends to pull rank over everything so I grabbed my food and started to head back to work. Bye bye BritBoy.

As I walked back, I kept thinking about how we take things for granted - by we I mean Angelinos who walk through movie sets, see celebrities buying coffee and not really think much of it. When I turned the last corner to return to my building - I see Elvis and Marilyn Monroe walking a poodle and a cocker spaniel named Buttercup.

On another highlight of the day:
Scott threatened to ban me from his blog because I don’t like Coldplay. Geez.

Blog mention of the week. Thanks to Shannon for this one. Hope you feel better girl!

Holiday Shnizzle at the Bowling Alley

Bowling, vodka with cranberry juice, and the coworkers - Good times, good times...

We had our Holiday party (thats for G) last night at Jillian's on Citywalk. So much fun, I had the great honor of coordinating the whole thing in like 3 days. Everyone had a good time - the best part was that some of our psychics showed up - LOVE IT! One of the ladies was chatting with a group and she started saying about a reading she had done for someone (question, is it ethical for a psychic to be talking about a reading she did? Is there like doctor/patient priviledge? Just wondering) and I walked up and joined the conversation while validating everyone's parking (since I was playing the hostess with the mostess that night). She made a comment about what was wrong with the person she was talking to - then I say - "Well whats wrong with me?" and she said, without missing a beat, "You are too nice." Fan-fucking-tastic.

Thats it - my whole world in a nutshell from a psychic at a holiday party.

Needless to say, I stayed away from the psychics (all of them) the rest of the night. I was tipsy and couldn't handle any more revelations - true or false.

Lack of Posts

Dear Vicks,

I'd like to thank you for your revolutionary products of NyQuil and DayQuil. They are quite helpful in my fight against this wicked cold/flu crap I have. Once again, I'm indebted.

Yours truly,
The Sicky

P/S Theraflu does nothing.

I ain't one to gossip, but....

There has been so much juice out there, I have to jump on the gossip bandwagon, so here are a few "I cant wait to tell..." stories.

Apparently I'm not the only one that loves me some Avery.
Sean Avery that is.
He's a center for the LA Kings and "allegedly" is fraternizing with Elisha Cuthbert of 24 fame. They were spotted in Toronto - hand in hand!

I guess Elisha is also a huge hockey fan because she has her very own hockey blog over at NHL.com. Who knew?

At least this way he's cleaning up his image since his little rant about French-Canadian players being wussies, well change the W and replace with a P.

(source)

Things arent so sunny in the land of Spederline. "Apparently" she had his car repossed and returned to the lot. I'm sorry but that boy is a freaking BUM why she married him, I'll never know. But DAMN! So the rumor is that Mama Spears has moved in to help with the new baby and has pushed the Kevster out. THANK GOD!

(source)

I have been holding my tongue on the whole Jolie/Pitt/Aniston thing, but Brad has (in my opinion) crossed the line decency line by attempting to adopt Angelina's kids. You were unhappy in your marriage and wanted something else - fine, thats why you got the divorce.
But going out and adopting the children of the woman who (allegedly) broke up your marriage is bad form. I know that you want to move on with your life, but out of respect for Jennifer, you should have waiting. I was on Team Jolie, I'm now on Team Aniston.

Where's my shirt?
(source)

BREAKING NEWS!!!

I just spent 20 minutes watching a drug bust at the crack/whore motel across the street from my work.

I love Hollywood.

READER PROFILE: Jessica

Its been a while since I've done one of these but I guess its best to wait until you get a good one. So the good one for today is JESSICA!!! She's the very same Jessica from The Cheeky Monkey link you see in my Blogs I Read section and likes to make smart ass comments in the comment section.


So I've been waiting and waiting for a picture from Jessica and I finally get this (and by finally I mean over the weekend and this is the first time I can dedicate to getting it up).

Its cute! Except it doesn't show the flirting she's so good at.

So away we go with the Q&A

Begun at 12:10 am GST on 17 November, 2005. I told you I've been waiting for the picture for a long time.

1. Where do you live?

Bournemouth, England, United Kingdom. You know that collection of countries whose square mileage is smaller than that of Oregon and where everyone thinks a 2 hour commute is longer than the stone-age? The one with the Queen right?

2. What do you do?

I am a post-grad student in Events Management at Bournemouth University. The only American in my program, but not the only outspoken obnoxious person. Thank God! One of the other students told me the other day that I sound like the people on TV in Hollywood. No joke. Thats awesome - just so you know, you are going for a degree I could only dream of.

3. Why do you read my blog?

Mostly to pass the time between reading 500 books, writing in MY blog, and holding the hands of 19 other post-grad students. You know you crack me up. You only ask that question so people will boost your ego for crying out loud! HELLO - Its my blog and for the record I ask this of everyone, quit bitching you answered the question.

4. What is your favorite story?

It would have to be the one about that kid that woke up the hulk who then chased him up some giant bean-stalk thingy only to find repunzel at the top with a butch hair-cut and making out with Cinderella. I know I'm deranged at times. I also know you were talking about you, AGAIN.Let's see. I've only been reading this thing since July maybe....I'm going to have to say the standard cop-out - I like them all. No really. They've all made me laugh in some way or another and that's all that really matters. I refuse to alienate just one and make all of the others feel inferior. I just can't do it. It seems so cruel....Yet another shameless plug that she saw through...

5. How much do you Ridgecrest and China Lake?

This was an incomplete question when it was sent to me. Did you want to know if I missed the Ridge or China Lake? Or do I loathe them? Or how much do I want to invite them over for tea and bicuits?I don't miss R/C or CL, but I do miss the people that I met while working there (yes, even you). I miss my mom, grandma, and my cat -my big fluffy-wuffy, pink-nosed, little... er, sorry. Anyway, I don't hate R/C or CL, it just sucked to be single there because, well frankly, it just sucked.Places like R/C make you realize why people adopted rocks as pets in the 70s....Sorry, it was incomplete - and you did guess correctly. I hear ya woman.

6. Doesnt it suck that we didnt start hanging out until we had both decided to get the hell out of there?

Yes it does suck and I am quite traumitized by it actually. My therapist says that my only hope for the pain is to buy shoes. Lots and lots of shoes. Pointy toed shoes I suppose...its quite a good prescription.

7. Details about the cute Brit boys you are meeting - remember this blog has no rating -woohoo first amendment!

There have been two previous Brit boys before I even moved here. One is an idiot who I finally kicked to the curb (where he belongs) last month and the other is a Brit-Italian hybrid who still calls me weekly to make me feel gooood ;). Hey, blame Melissa for wanting details, ok?Since arriving in the UK: Brit boy #1: nice, but too old for me. Liked football and me a lot, but the feeling wasn't mutual. Brit boy #2: hotter than Hedes and built like a Roman God (jawline included) but a little on the duh side. He is a pilot for British Airways (scary, I know) that i pulled (picked-up) at a bar one night and went on 3 dates with. Then he kissed me and I knew that there would never be a destination wedding, 2 gorgeous kids, and retirement together in Fiji. Hoover anyone? Brit boy #3: sexy professional sailor that you can read about how I met in my blog. The third date ended with him pulling an asshole maneuver. Seeing a 3rd date pattern here? Destiny my ass!(Mel-please hyperlink my blog entry- too much info to explain again. Thanks!) Italian boy #1: works at Starbucks, which I frequent almost everyday (my little slice of America). He started talking to me last week, or did I start talking to him? Ah well, he asked me to go out dancing with him and some of his friends last weekend and it turned out to only be him (they apparently all pooped-out). He's handsome and totally sweet, but I'm not really physically attracted to him. If you saw the way he danced the other night, you would completely understand. Also, I thought for a moment that he might be bisexual (he's not). He's hilarious, so I know that he'll at least be a fun friend....plus helping him with his english is quite entertaining. I get tired just reading about your men.

8. Yeah yeah - I finally put a link to your blog on mine. Happy now?

Yes. I FINALLY feel worthy. I can die happy now, well, as long as I'm also buried with all of my diamonds. I'm glad I can give closure to one person in my life.

9. Share a secret...

...but then it won't be a secret. Here it goes....I have eyebrow-plucking OCD. Not sure if there is a technical psychological term for it yet, but I'm sure its bound to be covered by Medicare when I no longer have eyebrows that need it. I border on that at times, but stop myself short of getting rid of them because I dont want to look like one of those women that take a pencil and stencil themselves the weirdest looking eyebrows on earth. BTW its called Trichotillomania, I looked it up.

10. JESSICA's question or questions....

Most commonly asked question of me: Are you Canadian? No, god-dammit, I'm not! Eh?

My turn now: Mel, have you and the dirty green knight slept together yet? No - I dont even know his real name. Not like that has stopped me before! My brother just cringed.

Do you think all of those boys would have really gathered for a picture with me before I left? Yes, being the pushy gals that we are and their need for attention - definitely.

Doesn't seeing those men pee in the street kind of get you a little excited? NO Be honest!! Ok...I find it funny (weird funny not ha ha funny) that people lay in doorways and say "Ok, I'm home" and part of that is turning around and urinating on their kitchen counter. When I walk by alleys and smell the stench, I wonder if it was from a homeless person or from someone who just couldnt wait to find a restroom. Then I get pissed at the person who couldnt wait and that they pissed in someone's possible home. Yes, I know I need help.

Have you found anything unrecognizable, questionable or blatantly sexual of your roomate's yet? Yes

What was it? ( I walked into Rob's room the other day and could have sworn it smelled like sex. Dirty, raunchy, all-night-long sex.Then I remembered who my flatmate is and thought "naaaa".) I can actually picture you doing that! I found his porn stash, which quite frankly wouldnt be an issue since I consider him one of my closest friends and we have had very candid conversations HOWEVER he does have a big screen in the living room and I did sleep on his couch...things started to click - sooooo I bought a new bed.

When are you and the Jakeman going to come to the land of crooked teeth and pub-crawls to see me? First I need to take care of somethings like finding an apartment, then I'll start saving for a trip. If I take the Jakeman we need to find a babysitter for the pub-crawl, I'm stating now that I refuse to leave him with Rob.

Phew, I'm spent....Finished 1:37 am GST 17 November, 2005.

Is this what busy feels like?

Because damn I havent had time to sit down and write in my lovely blog for a bit! Lets do a rundown of my latest activities...

Friday - drove to the desert to pick up the parentals and child for my cousin's baby shower. On the way there, I got very frustrated with traffic that I ended up in Porter Ranch of all places.

Here I made a visual so you can laugh at me appropriately.

Dont even ask me how I ended up out there...lets just say I was trying to circumvent all the freaking LA traffic and I TRIED to take side streets. When I called my dad for guidance, all he did was laugh at me. Thanks daddy...thanks.

The rest of the weekend was filled with family stuff, which was great. Always have a good time with the fam. My car is being worked on. I was supposed to get it back but some new things that were found, I hope to get it back tonight. Ho hum.

Since I was supposed to go get my car last night and couldnt I went home and the roomie and I spent some quality time watching a dvd called "The Best of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog". I love Triumph, he is so funny. So many sketches had me doubled over but only one made me cry from laughing so hard - I found it for you.

A little background on the bit that you see on the DVD but not on this video: Triumph is sent to Hawaii to cover the American Idol auditions and is thrown out. He goes to the local NBC affiliate to tell them about the injustice of it all and they have him do the weather on a news broadcast! ENJOY!

VINDICATED!!!

That is how I felt most of yesterday and it has carried over into today. Why you may ask?

Remember how I posted that I'm recruiting for a blogmaster for a new website we are launching? Well I got some responses and I was really pushing for one person while someone else was making suggestions of bloggers to contact. Well we have two people coming in two weeks from now to interview for the position (my #1 and their #1). I have been saying that mine is great and just pulling for her because talking to her on the phone and reading her blog, I think she would be perfect. Not to take away from the other person, but I just think my gal would be best.

I get into work yesterday morning and one of the owners sends everyone involved in the hiring a link to an LA Times article on blogging. I dont have time to read it since I'm still reviewing emails - then I come to a second email from the big man saying that the gal on the cover is MY NUMBER ONE PICK! He even brought in a hard copy of the article with the picture of the blogger on the cover.

Sweet Sweet Victory.

Yes, that may be a bit premature but it felt good that I was on the right track AND that my taste in bloggers is a good one.

Update: Mr. Happy Crack

Many of you may recall my little email exchange with the agent/bodyguard of Mr. Happy Crack and how I was promised a tshirt for my little advertisement of their ad campaign. Sydney came through my friends - today, I received a box in the mail from the Happy Crack team. I happen to call home to find out how things were and my mom told me about the box. Jacob, of course was all over the box. So I told him to go ahead and open the box for me and tell me what was in it. Here is the conversation or more like what I heard on the phone.

Jacob: Ok mom, I'm opening the package. (I like how this becomes like he's disarming a bomb)
Me: Ok, tell me whats in the box...I'm really excited you get to open it.
Jacob: Me too...ok OH MY GOD!!! There is some underwear in here...
Me: Underwear?
Jacob: Yes, like pajamas
Me: Great! (I still have no idea)
Jacob: Oh Yeah! There is a tshirt in here too!!! And another box! I have to open the other box!
Me: Uh, ok. (I can hear my mom in the background reading the shirt and saying Mr. Happy Crack)
Jacob: Its uh, something - like a toy.
Me: What kind of toy?
Jacob: I dont know, like a toy. Mr Happy Crack! Mr. Happy Crack (no kidding he starts singing some theme song for Mr. Happy Crack that he just made up)

Upon further investigation I figured that these are the things I received.


I get them tomorrow night when I see the family.

Action Packed Post!

Hopefully this post will make up for the weak ass postings that have been put up by yours truly lately.

BLOG OF THE WEEK - The Hollywood Machine
Ahhh yes, yet another blog that I have to add to my daily checks. THM is so funny and the adventures of the British Balcony Lover are to die for. LOVE IT!

LOST (spoilers ahead)
6 weeks! 6 WEEKS!?!? We have to wait 6 weeks to find out what happens to our favorite band of islanders? So Kate killed her stepdad because she found out he was her real dad and he was abusive towards her mother - then her mother turned her in. Damn I'd have trust issues too. Fuck.

So the roomie and I are glued to the tv and when Kate takes Sawyer outside and sees the horse, the damn TIVO switches to South Park - so we didnt get to see what happens in the end. We jump online and find out about Sayid being on TV while Kate is in the recruting office. See:

So we missed the whole watching of the film (although from reading stuff online we really didnt miss much in that dept) but we missed the whole IM thing with Michael and WALT?!?!?! Holy Crap.

South Park

Yet another gem from Trey and Matt. Free Willzyx is about how the boys go to the Sea Park in Denver and the whale starts talking to Kyle and telling him how he needs to be freed and wants to return to the moon to be with his family. Little do they know that the whale's voice is being provided by one of the announcers of the whale show and that they do this often to little kids. In true SP fashion, Kyle grabs his friends and they all get in on the action to help the killer whale return home and the hilarity ensues.

BTW - here is a recap of that "Trapped in the Closet" episode with the Scientologists and Tom Cruise.

The Colbert Report

This show has really grown on me and if you had seen it two nights ago (we watched it last night on TIVO) HOLY CRAP it was hysterical. With the avian flu running rampant, he asks the age old question - Was it really that bad: Black Death. I didnt get a chance to see all of the video online because I have to - whats the word...WORK. But if they have the interview with the author - its all worth it.