Tuesday, October 17, 2006

The Case of the Potentially Dead Bum

Boy, it was quite an adventurous morning for yours truly today. Not only did I have an argument with the Jakeman about the validity of Oreo Cookies as a breakfast food item, but the words “I was trapped in a stairwell and I couldn’t get out because I think there is a dead bum blocking my door” actually escaped my lips. Let me explain.

As “Deputy Safety Director” (no, I don’t have a badge or anything), I have to help train our employees on evacuation and safety procedures. Because some of our staff isn’t here all the time, I have to catch them when I can and do the training then. This morning was such a morning for two of our employees. I met up with them and started my little speech on where the exits to the suite are and where the fire extinguishers are. Then we proceeded to go down the stairwell so I can show them where the leads to and our meeting place. As I’m typing this, I’m realizing that I forgot to conclude the training and tell them where our meeting place is. Oh well.

We get to the bottom of the stairs and I make my little remark “I suggest you knock first because sometimes there is a bum sleeping on the stoop and he blocks the door”. As I say this, I am knocking and the door and opening it when BAM! It’s jammed. I look down and could see a head of hair – that’s it. So I close the door and bang on it again and open it. BAM! Again into the bum who…hasn’t…moved. Crap. Ok, now I’m annoyed. I open and close the door about 5 times and screaming “HEY GET UP!!!” But to no avail. The first thought that comes to mind is “Oh My God! He’s dead!” As I have told this story throughout the day to my coworkers, the first thing they think of is that he’s passed out drunk, but that’s beside the point.

Crap, so as one employee is doubled over in laughter, I’m trying to figure out how to get out because the doors to access the floors are locked on the stairwell side to “prevent unauthorized building access”. None of us have a key to the stairwell and I didn’t bring my cell phone. One of the gals did have a sidekick though, but she only had internet access and no phone access. Its like we cant catch a break. So she’s trying to log onto the Instant Messenger system that our office uses to ask someone to come open the door for us. As we go back up the stairs (oh yeah, we are on the 5th floor, I think I forgot to mention that), we are checking all the doors. FINALLY, she says she finds someone to come open the door. Meanwhile, I’m banging on the door hoping that someone will hear it and let us in. The door opens and its someone from another suite on our floor. The person she asked to come open the door went to the OTHER staircase to help us.

So now I’m 1) pissed off that the homeless guy is blocking the door and I couldn’t finish the training and 2) worried that the guy might be dead – I was seriously torn. So I called the building maintenance guy to tell him what happened and he told me that the homeless guy will chase you down and threaten you if you attempt to remove him. And since I’m notorious for being a chicken, I call the cops. C’mon! He might be DEAD!!! Later that morning, the maintenance guy calls me and tells me that the homeless guy is indeed alive and was asked to leave but who knows if he’ll stay away.

Let me say, that if you have a chance to hear me tell this story in person, please ask. I’ll be happy to oblige because I actually made one person snort today.


Anna said...

call me later and tell me the story!!!!!

mr_g said...

Sorry, I had a lot to drink that morning and didn't know it was you knocking...