Friday, May 25, 2007

Lost Your Mojo?

Rite Aid has everything! And at reasonable prices.
We should alert Austin Powers.

Introducing - TUNAK!!

This is just full of awesomeness...

Thursday, May 24, 2007


I've been sitting at my computer trying to figure out how to type up my feelings on my softball team. Its been a whole 5 minutes and I'm drawing a blank. Usually, when I have a blog to post, its basically written in my head by the time I get to the keyboard - but not tonight!

Lets just list the items that come to mind and see how that goes:
1) We have played 4 games and we are 0-4.
2) We have been mercy ruled 3 of those 4 times.
3) We play at a park that is frequented by transexuals and lets just say that Jake had quite an interesting look on his face on our first night at the park.
4) I finally got a hit last night!! I got a single and ended up scoring a run. And yes, when I got to first I started screaming, "I got a hit! I got a hit!" While standing at 2nd base, the second baseman jokingly told me to calm down - I told him to relax and let me relish my moment.
5) Some people take softball REALLY seriously.
6) Apparently, its a tactic for other girls on the teams to wear really short shorts and a push up bra in lieu of a sports bra. I may have to rethink my wardrobe.
7) If you are standing in right field - you dont get many balls hit to you...unless the guy is a lefty and shoots a line drive right at your head!
8) When I was the catcher, I was told to talk trash to get into their heads. Apparently, my teammates didnt mean flirting with the players.
9) If you are playing catcher, you can inhale really hard and get a good contact high from the guy on his bike behind the fence.
10) Is it a normal for someone to basically pass out from exhaustion when you get home from playing a game? Just asking

Reason 10,436 Why I Love My Kid

Conversation that Jacob and I had while watching the Red Wings/Ducks game on Sunday afternoon.

Jake: Mom - who are you cheering for?
Me: Hmm - probably the Red Wings - why? Are you cheering for the Ducks?
Jake: Of course! If the Kings arent playing - then I'm going to cheer for the Ducks!
Me: But you cant cheer for the Ducks if you are a Kings fan...its called a rivalry. If I had to choose between the Red Wings and the Ducks than I choose the Red Wings.
Jake: But you dont have to choose - you can just cheer for the Ducks, like me!
Me: You know, you are right - I shouldnt have to tell you who to cheer for. No one should. You have to make that choice on your own and decided what you like and what you dont like, just as long as you try everything out, right?
Jake: Right mommy.
Me: But there is one thing we do agree on right?

Jake takes a long moment to think about it...

Jake: Yes! Bush is an idiot!

Monday, May 21, 2007

The Royal Treatment

This morning I had my physical. Ahh - physical - with the physical comes an annual exam that tends to humiliate about 50% of the population.

I show up to the offices bright and early, almost excited to get rid of this thing on my "To Do" list. As I'm waiting in the exam room, this very cute boy comes in and introduces himself as Chris. Chris is a 3rd year med student that is going to be taking my history and answer any questions I may have before the exam actually begins.

I'm really too enthralled with Chris's boyish good lucks to realize that I'm answering his questions in a flirty/sarcastic way. I've almost convinced myself that Chris is flirting back! Is he really? How old is he? Is this professional? If it isnt, do I really care? No, I don't.

I answer the sex questions.
I answer the trick questions to find out if I'm depressed or not.
I answer the exercise/diet questions.

I'm almost home free!

He excuses himself while I change. My doctor comes back and asks me if I have any problems with Chris doing the actual cute doctor boy! I resolve that this would be my lot in life and say its fine. I do have a hard time actually "giving him access" because I've realized who Chris reminds me of. As I'm laying there, I'm thinking "Prince William is giving me a pap".

Nice knowing you William - you owe me dinner and a few drinks.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Whats the best way to perk up a Sunday?

Have a cute (younger) guy ask for your number at the supermarket.

Friday, May 18, 2007

I'm Famous!

I got on Pink is the New Blog!

Hey Anna - look at the bottom of the screen shot...LOL, I wonder what Melissa does all day at work...hmmmmm?

Monday, May 07, 2007

Ice, Ice Baby

I forgot a cardinal rule in first aid care for injuries - ice first then heat. That little trick would have saved me a week of aches and pains.

Last Saturday morning, while trying to do the lazy/stubborn thing of bringing all of my laundry up in one trip, I forgot to lift with my legs and thus lifted with my back. I immediately grabbed my back in agony and slowly took the hamper up, step by step, to my apartment on the 2nd floor. After I got there, I laid down on my bed and tried to relax and make the pain go away but to no avail.

I went downstairs to ask my neighbor for some advice since he suffers from back pain and he had a few suggestions. I'm sure the ice thing was said by people, but I didnt hear it. He gave me a heating pad thing that I could put on my back and as I went out the door for a birthday party, I slapped it on and went on my merry way. Now this thing was really helping - I was able to stand and even be rather charming. When I got home, I went to bed in hopes of feeling better and getting over this pain by Monday.

Oh I was so wrong.

Sunday, I basically stayed in bed all day - watching Battlestar Gallactica on dvd (I am not a geek! It was recommended highly by several friends). And the pain wasnt just soreness but actual pain! Pain when I sat up, pain when I got up, pain pain pain!

Monday rolls around and I go to work. Today is a bit better - I can sit and walk but I cant do any sudden movements or stand up with any sort of speed or grace. One of my coworkers recommends those icy/hot pads to put on my skin to help with the soreness.

Let me state that Icy/Hot pads are the freakiest things ever. One minute they are cool, then all of a sudden hot. Yes, I got the wise ass remarks of "duh, icy/hot is in the name" but seriously! I felt like I was going through menopause!

I'm finally just sore in one specific spot and I can run up the stairs, not that I have any need to run anywhere. I feel like I learned a major lesson about the importance of icing an injury. Just like my cousin learned one about which one is right: acid to water or water to acid.

Things To Do When You Are At Home Taking Care Of Your Sick Child

- Wash Dishes
- Fix vacuum cleaner CHECK!
- Check Email CHECK!
- Clean Bathroom
- Watch Oprah CHECK!
- Admire yourself for fixing vacuum cleaner CHECK!
- Forget to mail Netflix back because you need to find out if Commander Adama is ok from the Battlestar Gallactica season 1 finale CHECK!
- Clean Living Room
- Get your ass kicked by your 5 year old on Game Cube CHECK!
- Give up on the hold out to turn on the AC when its not even June yet because its 90 freaking degrees outside CHECK!
- Mop Kitchen

Lots of things I got done...of course none of the important ones...oh well!

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Martinis + Empty Stomach = Not Good

Yes, that maybe something that should have occured to me before I pounded 5 French Martinis down...but it didn't. It did however, occur to me after I was sick for most of the night.

Now, normally I wouldnt post this story because well, I dont want stories of myself sick and drunk flying around the net...but something happened that night that in the end, could only happen to me. So let me start at the beginning.

A group of coworkers and I went out for drinks on a fateful Friday night. I hadnt eaten because 1) it was Friday during lent and everything in front of me was made of meat and couldnt prepare for the night of intoxication and 2) wasnt planning to do all that drinkin'! This bartender was making these martinis that were so yummy and I was wrapped up in some conversation that I just kept drinking..and drinking...and...well you get the picture. We opted to move to another bar and as we were getting ready to go - I stand up and realize...damn...I had too many martinis.

So off we go to another bar. And there I am - drunk walking down Hollywood Blvd. I turn to Rozi and we were just having a grand time looking at the people (yes, I know the irony that I was laughing at someone else). And I stop and say "I want to talk a picture!" then I find my prize - Vin Scully's star. It was perfect! The Dodgers had just started their season and it was in the air to do something spontanous. So I lay down and proceed to hug Vin Scully's star, on Hollywood Blvd, on a Friday night, and I'm drunk.

Now, you would think that the infamy of that night would stop there because really...what else could go wrong right?

After she takes the shot (and I'm still on the floor laughing my ass off), I hear "PRIMA?!?" Which means "Cousin" in Spanish. Yup, my cousin is at his part time job of parking cars and I happen to pick THE ONE SPOT that he would be at to do this. He comes over and helps me up and makes a wisecrack about my state of mind. I hug him and walk away...knowing full well that he's going to call his sister, who is going to call her mother in Guatemala, who will call my aunt in New York, who will most definitely call my dad here and tell him what happened. CRAP.

So we make our way to our watering hole and I sit down to try to calm my stomach down. Meanwhile, one of my cohorts makes a wisecrack at the bouncer and she's no longer welcome in the bar...while another coworker tries to sort it out we are all asked not to enter the establishment! I havent even had a drink inside and I'm already being kicked out? WTF?

After some smooth talking and some ass kissing we are let in...and I head to the restroom to make my peace with the porcelain god.

The next day, I had to fess up to my dad what happened. I would rather have him hear it from me than from my aunt. But what do you suppose happens? HE CALLS MY AUNT TO TELL HER! Damn him.

SHUT UP! Its been a month?

Ok - so maybe the people have a reason to a little upset with me that I havent posted. Sorry folks! Much stuff has been going on - some good and some not good but c'est la vie.

We have soldiered through and survived!

I promise (really this time) a new and more dedicated poster. I have some stuff that has happened that will be posted and other stuff that will be left untold. But in the end - you get what you want, me posting...that is if you are still out there.

Upcoming on the blog!
~ I realize (yet again) why I don't drink martinis
~ Softball has started and I'm assigned "Backup Outfielder", which is sort of pathetic because its softball.
~ HEROES rules as THE BEST show on television...
~ Watching cartoons with a 5 yr old gets more interesting when you add your own storylines.
~ You have to lift with your legs...not your back...a hard lesson to learn.