Thursday, August 31, 2006

Time for a Vote

Am I a dog hater if I think this is ridiculous?

Carry it by the handles or fling the straps around your shoulder or even waist, it enables the dog lover to go out and about with a little furry friend friend literally by their side...

"PuppyPurse makes it easier to take your dog with you, whether you're shopping, fly fishing or just taking a walk and nothing gets in the way of snuggling and kissing your baby whenever you want to,"


The Booby Trap

I lost count as to who this would apply to...

The 4400

I think I gasped like 3 times in about 45 seconds during the season finale.



Monday, August 28, 2006

The Big 3-0

Happy Birthday To Me!

(courtesy of Rozanne)

Happy Birthday To Me!

(courtesy of Rozanne)

Happy Birthday to my funny ass self....

(courtesy of the Jakeman)

Happy Birthday To Me!

(courtesy of Captain Tivo)

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Neltflix Rules, Blockbuster Sucks

Last night I had the urge to watch Pretty Woman and Beaches with my cousins, so I headed to Blockbuster to rent them. I have Netflix, but the downfall of it, is that it takes planning to use Netflix. Well, my friends, there are times in my life when I like to be wild and get any the movie my pretty little heart desires to watch. So thus my trip to Blockbuster. I cannot understand for the life of my why the hell I dont own these two "chick flicks" but I dont. That is a problem to be dealt with another day.

So after finally finding a parking spot after circling the lot twice (on a Friday, I dont know what is sadder, that all those people were at the Blockbuster or I was there with them) and waiting in a line for 20 minutes to check out, I realized that I had to reopen my account with Blockbuster because mine is in Ridgecrest. So I'm ready to go and the lady asks for my credit card and picture ID. I had her my debit card and my picture ID. She asks for credit card and I tell her I dont have one. Then she gives me this look like I dont have a freaking car in LA. And she said "YOU dont have a credit card?!?!" Damn, get on the surround system and announce it why dont you. No, thank you, I dont have a credit card, I like owning all my shit. So I ask if she can use the debit card and she said no but if my car is registered in my name I can use that.


If you dont have a credit card, you have to use your CAR REGISTRATION in order to rent a $3.99 movie at Blockbuster?

After I let out a GAFFAW, I walked out.

I love Netflix, I'll happily plan my dvd viewing from now on and if I have an impulse to watch something, I'll buy it. Its an investment dammit.

Friday, August 25, 2006

The Joys Of Parenthood

This morning things were rough in the Jake/Melissa household. The Jakeman was not feeling up to par in the plumbing department and he was finding it hard to evacuate (if you catch my drift).

As a mother, there are times when you do things that you child asks you to do them and you do them because 1) they ask and 2) it will make them feel better. But when someone asks you what happened, you feel like you can’t tell the story because they won’t understand. Parents will but non-parents wont (and by non-parents I mean people that dont usually deal with kids).

They don’t get that waking up covered in pee is just something that happens when your kid has an accident, they think it’s gross. As parents, we’ve come to just get up, take a shower and move on. Non-parents don’t get that having a kid throw up in your hands is just what happens when they don’t have time to make it to the toilet or trash can. Parents just catch as much of it as they can while running to the house to a trash can, sink or toilet, all the while comforting their child by trying to comfort them with their shoulder. Non parents also think that this is gross.

But this morning, while I was trying to comfort Jake in his time of need, the old non-parent Melissa tried to point out the weirdness of the moment. (I feel that years from now, Jake is going to be mad at me for posting this)

He couldn’t go. It was “stuck” and the poor boy was crying. He kept asking me if it was going to stop hurting and I was trying to explain that this happens to everyone and that you just have to ride it out. Then he asked me to look to see if it was coming out. And I did. I could see it. And I told him so. And he sort of felt better but he was still crying. It finally came out. And all was well and he wanted an explanation how the digestive system worked. So I explained it to him and also told him that eating certain foods would help. But I was still in shock of what had happened. To him, it was just par for the course. For me, it was one step more into the deep dark realm of parenthood.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Oh Diddy....

"moisturizes my situation and preserves my sexy" P.Diddy in his infomercial for Pro-Active.

Thanks Will!

The Slacking Of Posts


Monday, August 21, 2006

Doubt you'll see this on KTLA

STOCKHOLM, Sweden (AP) -- Sweden's state broadcaster SVT on Monday faced ridicule for mistakenly showing a porn movie in the background of a news broadcast over the weekend.
Viewers of a 5-minute news update at midnight Saturday could see explicit scenes from a Czech porn movie on a TV screen behind news anchor Peter Dahlgren.

The monitor -- one of many on the wall of a control room visible behind the studio -- normally shows other news channels during broadcasts.

But staffers who earlier in the evening had watched a sports event on cable channel Canal Plus -- which often shows X-rated films after midnight -- had forgotten to switch it back, said news director Per Yng.

"This is highly embarrassing and unfortunate," Yng said. "It must not happen again."
A producer quickly spotted the sex scenes and ran into the control room and turned off the monitor, Yng said.

He said there had been no complaints from viewers about the mishap, but "enormous interest from media."

Swedish tabloids on Monday poked fun at the steamy broadcast, jokingly changing the name of the show -- Rapport -- to "Rapporn."

Magnus Akerlund, who oversees the hourly news updates, told tabloid Expressen he was "shocked and dismayed" at the mistake.

"It's a huge blunder by us," he said.

LMFAO! This is so something that could happen to anyone and its totally being blown out of proportion. The funny thing is that I'm not helping by posting it on the blog - but come on its HYSTERICAL!


Monday, August 14, 2006

For the Trekkies

(This one is my favorite!)

If you like these, go here to read some more!

Oh Dear God...MUPPET PORN!?!?!

I honestly dont know what to think of this. In one hand - its the Muppets! You can never go wrong with the Muppets. On the other - its Porn. I seriously would have to tune in to see this because well...its MUPPETS AND PORN! I seem to recall a gif going around on the internet where Fozie and Kermit went at it. I thought that I could never get that image out of my head and now BAM! Read on:

First there were Tommy Lee and Pam and Paris and Rick. Now, the public could soon witness an even more shocking celebrity sex romp -- Kermit and Miss Piggy. Seriously. It turns out the creators of "The Muppets" and "Sesame Street" are staging a rude and lewd puppet show- strictly for adults- called "Jim Henson's Puppet Improv."

The live puppet show has already made quite an impression at the annual Edinburgh Fringe arts festival, which features this kind of adult, er, entertainment.

The late Jim Henson's son Brian, director of the "Muppet Christmas" and "Muppet Treasure Island" movies, tells Reuters "That really pleases me," and says he is reveling in the freedom of performing for adults only.

"It is lovely to do a show where you can go wherever your brain takes you," says Henson, winding down after a show where the audience asked the puppeteers to feature six hot dogs auditioning to be Ricky Martin's backup singers.

Henson, who has performed the improvisation show in Aspen and Hollywood, says he hopes to develop the edgy routine into a TV show. Two other projects he is working on are also just for adults.

"There is something really therapeutic for us about this adult improv," he says. So could Fozzie "Bare" and "Groper" be making their way onto the small screen in the near future? One can only hope.

Source: TMZ

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Proof of X-Games Attendance

Scott was kind enough to take this picture of Jake and I at the X-Games. There we are in the circle...thats a damn fine camera you got there Scotty Poo.


So there is this Chinese robot named Rong Cheng that has been created an is on display at the Institute of Automation of Chinese Academy of Sciences in Beijing. Rong Cheng is able to respond to some 1,000 Chinese words. She can dance, bow and greet people in the Sichuan dialect as she is destined for the Sichuan Science Museum to serve as a receptionist.

Now: doesnt this freak anyone else out?

Its great for technology an all but she reminds me of THE CARVER and I would not like my coffee served with milk and a slice across the cheek.

Monday, August 07, 2006

X-Games XII

Friday night I took my favorite man to Staples to see something we had never seen before. X-Games in person. I had always been curious about going to an X-games and finally that cat was getting killed.

By far my favorite aspect of the X-Games are the Moto X competition and we ended up watching the Moto X Best Trick competition that night. Let me say WOW - if you think that its impressive watching it on tv, you should really go in person. Scotty poo was there as well and my kid that the pleasure, no dare I say honor of meeting him that night for the first time.

Most memorable part of the night was when Travis Pastrana did his now infamous double backflip on the motorbike. Here is a video that Scott took with his phone.

Whats funny about this whole thing is that they kept playing it up, that Pastrana was going to do the backflip. I thought it was boloney and texted Scott telling him so, but I'll be damned if the guy didnt go out there and spin his little ass off on that bike.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Mabel vs. Barney

In a head to head battle - who do you think won?

Mabel - Elvis's cherished teddy bear valued at $75,000

Barney - the Doberman Pincher entrusted to protect and serve.
Read this article about it but I do have to quote from it because its that good...
"But for some reason Barney, the Dobermann pinscher charged with protecting the precious cuddly toy and the other fluffy exhibits, took against them, going on the rampage in a frenzied after-hours attack.

Mabel was disembowled of her soft stuffing and had her head severed. The damage is believed to be irreperable.

"Barney has been a model guard dog for more than six years. I still can't believe what happened," security guard Greg West was quoted as saying after the attack on Tuesday night.

"Either there was a rogue scent of some kind on Mabel, which switched on Barney's deepest instincts, or it could have been jealousy. I was just stroking Mabel and saying what a nice bear she was."

Thursday, August 03, 2006


The New Job
A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me."

The frightened passenger, apologized to the driver, and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's my entire fault, today is my first day driving a cab.... I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

On A Mission...

I’m on a mission to get my name on a blog. I think I found an in and way to entice this person to do this for me. My coworker Amaya met Trent from Pink is the New Blog and she wants me to do something for her. I told her that if she can get Trent to give me a shout out on his blog, I’ll do it. She has until Aug 31st to complete this task.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Updates and News and Stuff

Life just keeps on truckin’ doesn’t it?

Captain Tivo was in town last week and oh what fun was had. Even though he lived in Cali for a bit he never got to really experience LA much less, MY LA.

Quick recap of events:
1) Medieval Times
2) Universal Studios
3) Tokyo Delve’s
4) Stinking Rose
5) Howl At The Moon (where SOMEONE nearly re-enacted a scene from the Fabulous Baker Boys)

Fun had by all.

Last night – something so funny happened to Jacob and me that we were both speechless. And if you know us, this is NOT an easy feat! Jake and I made up some characters for some continuing adventures that are told as bedtime stories. These superhero-ish characters are Captain Underpants, Booger Boy, Fartman, and someone else who escapes me at the moment. Well we make up stupid problems, like no spaghetti in the world and they have to use their super powers to fight the evil doers. Captain Underpants throws underwear, Booger Boy throws boogers and Fartman – well you know.

So Jake and I are at Borders killing time until our movie started (Ant Bully is sooo funny, highly recommended). We were in the kids section looking for new books for us to read at night. I wanted to graduate from the books you can read in one sitting to books with chapters so we can put them down and continue the next night and so on. We were searching when we find something so amazing that I can only post the picture to share.


You bet your ass I bought the books and so far, into book 1 (out of 8), its pretty damn funny. I might have to do updates on the adventures of Captain Underpants. I swear I didnt know this existed.

Finally going to get to go home and relax tonight. Been out and about too much (although not as much as Scotty poo!).

Finished reading my July book - The Lovely Bones. Such a great book, very well written but the ending didnt really fly with me. Heard they were making a movie out of it with Dakota Fanning as Susie. Hmmm.

Movie review from the weekend - CRASH. Yup finally saw it. Pretty good, was rather riveted.

Crossing something from the NEVER HAVE DONE list - going to see the X Games live on Friday night. Rather excited about that!!!

Peace out homies see Scott and Anna...I posted!