Saturday, December 31, 2005

New Year - New You

I had read on someone else's blog about a website where you can set up a profile and list your goals - little things like "learning how to weld" or "getting my MBA" and it got me thinking about the things I want for the next year. Sure I can list what I want, but what is the new year going to actually bring me? Happiness? Success? Sadness? Empowerment? I'm not really sure what it will bring me but I can sure know what I'm going to be asking for.

Before the new year dawned on my new life I needed to let the old one go - I got in my car and I ended up in Santa Monica - I parked my car and made my way in the rain through the sandy beach and stood by the shore. Watching the surfers ride the weather driven waves and the birds fly above me - I realized this the moment to let things go. The rain stopped and I stood there and told the Pacific my dreams and my goals for the new year. I told her my fears and regrets of the past year and just like the sea foam, they seemed to disappear into the waves. It felt like an eternity as I stood by the shore telling the ocean my deepest thoughts, then all of a sudden the rain began to fall again. I turned to walk back to my car and I didnt feel like I was getting wet at all. I just kept walking through the sand - feeling the steps getting lighter and lighter. My new life is starting to take form because of the new outlook. I realized then when I sat on the warm, dry seat that I was soaked. I ended up driving to the Sherman Oaks Galleria and treated myself to lunch at the Cheesecake Factory. Women were sitting around drinking their spring water and eating their salads, while I ate a hearty meal with chicken and mashed potatoes. I even had dessert - tiramisu cheesecake. When I left - I was full and happy and ready to face the new year.

Friday, December 30, 2005

Poor Birdie!

Meet Candy

I started reading another blog after a funny story about a woman's hellish ride in a NY taxi cab during the transit strike. Low and behold I check it out this morning and I find a link to this story about Candy. See, Candy was attacked by her cagemate and lost her legs in the fight and a veterinarian made prosthetic legs for the bird.
Ahhh - TGIF.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Legit? Maybe...But Still Fun!

We all know that I'm a LOST fanatic - found this link to yet another LOST website. Dont know if its real or not but like I said, its nice to get sucked into it.

If you select all and then copy and paste in to an excel spreadsheet you will see a bunch of hyper links in the cells. My favorite is K-10. Also note that the copyright of the document is 2009.


Funny Things Around the Web

Since work is stressing me out beyond belief, I figured a nice breather would revitalize our minds (and the blog). Here are some things I found of interest from the web...

If you are trying to launch into a new career - how about this?

My Kings Rule! So much for Colorado being a powerhouse this year and damn, Rob Blake can be a big baby!

Ducks suck - the goalie gives up one goal and its his own teammate that scores - Selanne should have stayed in San Jose.

HOLY CRAP!!! I was reading my horoscope and they had this link to what your resolutions should be based on your sign. I freaked because one of the "suggestions" is exactly what I had planned to do.

I love Blogging LA - seriously.


I dont know about you, but this is pretty freaking cute.

I was wondering the same thing.

Is this why he sucks as our President?

I need the money - but no thanks.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Belated Xmas Greetings

Ho Ho Ho people - Merry Belated Christmas! I've been so wrapped up in things that I didnt even get a chance to send out Christmas cards. Sorry. If you were lucky, you got a phone call.

As for my Christmas, things went pretty well. I've come to the cruel realization that Christmas is really for the kids. Not too much loot - although a certain someone did feed the addiction to my crafty side and someone else gave me a cool ring with my birthstone on it - couple of sweaters and a box of licorice. Seriously, I love the box of licorice.

The Jakeman went crazy over his gifts. Loved the jersey and the kids digital camera that "Santa" brought him. AWWWW. After we took Jacob to his dad's for the week - I took my parents to Yuma to see the new baby in the family. How dumb are we that we didnt take one single picture of the baby! We were just involved in lots of family activity and low and behold, yours truly made a ham. My mom was shocked and kept asking me why I dont do anything at home - HAHA, because I'm a guest now in my home and at my aunt's I was "helping".

Back to work.

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Santa vs. Mommy

I'm starting to gather that every year its going to be a competition with Santa.

Last year, I had an epiphany about being a parent and not only just giving presents from Santa but also giving present from me. This year, the story is different - I dont want to be overshadowed by the man in red. Sure, Santa may bring him lots of books and such, but mommy is giving him a Kings jersey. When I buy him his presents, I want to give him the better gifts, you know? Some people think I'm over thinking I? I don't think so. Since, as adults, the joy is to watch the reaction that people have when they open that present that you searched high and low to find or even better, made for them - of course you want them to think and say "Damn this was the best Christmas ever!"

For me, its turned into this sick competition with a fictional holiday character for the sake of furthering an illusion for a preschooler.

Not only do I stack up the presents and say "This one will be from me and that one will be from him" but I'm also adhering to the strict "Two types of wrapping paper" rule. Yes, one paper from me and one from Santa. Why? You know why. THE ILLUSION!

I get home and for some reason my mom is not as interested in the whole two different wrapping paper theory that I have. She just doesnt think its as big of a deal as I do. She also is giving all the presents they bought as being from Santa - I told her he's going to think that they didnt want to give him anything. I never understood why Santa's gift tags had my mom's writing or that the paper was the same - its about putting thought into it. This is stuff that I (and I'm sure my brother) noticed growing up, if I'm going to lie to my child, I'm going to do it right!

This is hurting my head - being deceitful takes up too much time and effort.

Old Sox, New Yank

There is something causing a bit of a stir between Bean Town and the Big Apple - the free agency signing of Johnny Damon from the Red Sox to the Yankees. I am a big baseball fan, I love the Dodgers and have a soft spot for the Yanks because my dad is such a huge fan (I will however, cheer for the opposing team during the playoffs to egg him on). So, not only is this a big deal in terms of a star player leaving one team for its biggest rival, it is an even bigger deal that Johnny Damon had to adhere to Steinbrenner's strict "clean-cut" policy. If you are not familiar with Damon, here is a before and after shot.

***For 52 million dollars, I'd get a complete Steinbrenner makeover too.

Friday, December 23, 2005

Celebrity Sighting

Saw Andrea Parker at Mel’s Diner while our little department (5 people) went there for a holiday get together. I was the only one who recognized her. I loved that show she was on, Less Than Perfect. Patrick Warburton was great in it, kept calling his assistant Kip, "Secretary" instead of Kip.

My Name is Melissa and I'm a Procrastinator

2 more days till xmas...and I aint done shopping!

This little truth about me always comes to haunt me around holidays and birthdays. This year I’ve cut down on the list of people who are getting presents (I have a system) and for the most part I have most people taken care of. Of course, I forgot to put some people on the list that my son has to “buy” presents for. This part of Parenthood 101 they forget to go over. I may not need to buy anything for the ex, but my son sure as hell has to buy something for his dad. This kid needs to get a job quick.

Since these were mainly presents from my son, I decided to call him and ask him what he wanted to give his grandmother, his grandfather and his dad for Christmas. I told him what I had picked out for grandma and grandpa and he was happy with those, but for dad...he wanted to get daddy an action figure. An action figure? Yup, an action figure. I know my kid well enough to know that he will give the action figure to his dad and know that his dad will say "here you have it" and bam, he gets an extra present.

So last night I went to Target to finish off the shopping, let me rephrase - HOPE to finish off the shopping. Target is a funny place - last night, it was hell...H E L L. Not only do I hate to shop but people were downright pissyshit there. There were times where it felt like I was walking through the areas in slow motion, watching it all like a movie. People screaming at each other for cutting in line, clothes being thrown all over the place, dogs barking (its West Hollywood), and people fighting over a candle. I heart Christmas.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

All For The Carver

This was the plan – it was simple, I was going to go pick up a TV from Joel for my new place (oh ya I moved, didn’t I tell you guys that? Yeah, I rented a room in the Miracle Mile area, more on that later) set it all up, wrap Christmas presents and watch Nip/Tuck season finale. That was the plan.

In Melissa’s world, the plan never EVER works out.

Here is my day and I will try to keep timelines in because makes the blog more interesting I think.

6:15am – get woken up by grunts coming from the living room. Roomie is a personal trainer and trains people in the home. Worked out rather well since I needed to be off the street by 8am for the street cleaning.
7:55am – Leave for work – since its early, I opt to stop and pick up some stuff for wrapping and the room at the 99cent store and Target. Something I made a note to get was AAA batteries for my MP3 player (important).
9:10am – I get to work
10:00am - Interview
11:00am – Interview
12:00pm – Interview
12:30pm – Cover Receptionist for lunch
1:00pm – Interview
2:00pm – Interview
2:30pm – Walk to McD’s for some cheeseburgers and hope to see cute Britboy back in town.
3:00pm – 4:30pm Actually sit at my desk and do work
5:00pm – Fire someone
5:45pm – Staked out the parking structure so previous employee doesn’t come back.
6:30pm – Leave work
7:15pm – Arrive at Joel’s to pick up tv bigger than my child to take to my new place
7:30pm – Get phone call from mom asking why I haven’t called her all day (meanwhile I’m trying to control the huge tv in the front seat of my car from crushing me to death while I’m driving a STICK shift car AND talking on the cell phone)
7:42pm – Finally get mom off the phone after I pleaded for my life.
8:05pm – Arrive at the new digs, take some stuff up and ask new roomie to help me with the tv, he cant – bad back.
8:12pm – Pounce on unsuspecting male coming out of a car to help me with my tv, he knows roomie and is really cute.
8:15pm – TV delivered – cute guy calls me babe, I’m loving this neighborhood already.
8:17pm – Miraculously I find a parking spot on my street
8:20pm – Get to my room and plug in the tv – doesn’t work. Try again, nothing. Called Joel and he says that he always used a remote and it worked fine.
8:23pm – Off to Walgreens to find a universal remote for the tv
8:28pm – Arrive at Walgreens – damn Walgreens has a lot of good stuff.
8:32pm – Receive call from friend back east who only drunk dials me, I think its funny we chat for about 15 minutes.
8:41pm – Contemplated buying AAA batteries for the remote, remembered I bought batteries earlier today
8:50pm – Arrive home with new stuff, realized batteries I bought earlier today were AA not AAA’s.
8:50pm – Headed back to Walgreens
8:56pm – Arrive at Walgreens, buy batteries
9:01pm – Made it back home, bought AA batteries AGAIN! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!
9:01pm – Back to Walgreens, called Hope to tell her I’m an idiot
9:06pm – Arrive at Walgreens, bee line to the battery section, ask the clerk to verify that these are indeed AAA batteries (no lie, ask Hope, she was still on the phone)
9:14pm – Back home – load batteries (victory #1), read instructions to program remote, step #1 – Manually turn on TV (I’m fucked)
9:15pm – Started to think that this was not my day.
9:32pm – Called my dad for some daddy advice
9:47pm – Dad told me I was screwed
9:57pm – Accepted defeat, loaded the AAA batteries on my MP3 player and started wrapping presents
10:00pm – Nip/Tuck started, I wonder who The Carver is – still rockin out to my MP3
11:15pm – Decided to hit the hay, its been a long day.
11:21pm – Receive a text message from my cousin that my cousin Michelle’s water broke, dude, due date is a month away.
11:22pm – Called Jonathan to ask how she’s doing, he thinks she’s fine, he and my aunt are in LA and Michelle is ALONE in Yuma, drove herself to the hospital
11:23pm – Called mom to tell her
11:51pm – Get another text message from Jonathan that Michelle is in labor and at 2cm “whatever that means”
11:51pm – Immediately called Jonathan to tell him about childbirth
11:55pm – Off the phone with Jonathan, called mom with update
11:57pm – Called Oscar to update him and since he was going to be watching Nip/Tuck, he can tell me what happened.
11:58pm – Oscar didn’t watch because he kids are sick, ended up talking to my other wonderful sister-in-law for about 20 minutes.
12:31am – Finally went to sleep
6:23am – New baby arrives, shares birthday with Maya
7:12am – Got up and prayed today wont be like yesterday.

Here is a recap to what happened on Nip/Tuck – let me say that pictures of this leaked out sometime yesterday and people were hoping that FX didn’t let the cat out of the bag hours before the big finale. What dummies, seriously.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Who knew?

Who knew that a walk to McD’s yesterday morning would provide enough entertainment for a today’s blog posting. In a perfect world I would have run back to my computer and posted my little adventure but damn my employer and the fact that I've been working my ass off prevented that from happening. I can't believe they expect me to work and not slack off...I knew I should have stayed working for the government, oh well.

Anyways, on to the races...

I get into work and I was jonesing for a Sausage McMuffin with Egg - seriously I dont know why but I just wanted one so badly, I have been craving McD's lately, maybe its because I've really cut down on the fast food - I just find it funny. Anyways, as I'm walking down the street this guy is walking his dog towards me and as he gets close to me the guy crosses the street to avoid me. Ok, so do I have some sort of invisible freak flag flying over me? It struck me as odd oh well, c'est la vie. Onward ho to McDonald's.

I get there and there is this guy standing off to the side - he tells me he's already ordered and to go up..uh, ok thanks man. After I order, I go stand next to him and he's telling this guy (tourist) that he has to stand on this star to get service. I can tell this is going to be fun. So the tourist (might I add a few details - British, one of the most handsomest men I have ever seen in my life) stands on the star and is starting to guess that this man is fucking with him - a big clue was the fact that I was cracking up. So I introduce myself to the funny man and he says his name is Bernard. I ask what he does and he dresses up as Spongebob Squarepants and walks out in front of Hollywood and Highland along with other characters. Maybe it was the smell of hashbrowns in the morning but I found it to be very funny and cool. So Bernard gets his food and goes to sit down. Guess who comes and stands by me? Fine ass Brit boy. Since I was all miss social chatty Cathy I start asking him questions - where he's from? Why he's here? Does he want a personal tour of California...the usual. We had a nice little chat until the called my number - damn food tends to pull rank over everything so I grabbed my food and started to head back to work. Bye bye BritBoy.

As I walked back, I kept thinking about how we take things for granted - by we I mean Angelinos who walk through movie sets, see celebrities buying coffee and not really think much of it. When I turned the last corner to return to my building - I see Elvis and Marilyn Monroe walking a poodle and a cocker spaniel named Buttercup.

On another highlight of the day:
Scott threatened to ban me from his blog because I don’t like Coldplay. Geez.

Blog mention of the week. Thanks to Shannon for this one. Hope you feel better girl!

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Holiday Shnizzle at the Bowling Alley

Bowling, vodka with cranberry juice, and the coworkers - Good times, good times...

We had our Holiday party (thats for G) last night at Jillian's on Citywalk. So much fun, I had the great honor of coordinating the whole thing in like 3 days. Everyone had a good time - the best part was that some of our psychics showed up - LOVE IT! One of the ladies was chatting with a group and she started saying about a reading she had done for someone (question, is it ethical for a psychic to be talking about a reading she did? Is there like doctor/patient priviledge? Just wondering) and I walked up and joined the conversation while validating everyone's parking (since I was playing the hostess with the mostess that night). She made a comment about what was wrong with the person she was talking to - then I say - "Well whats wrong with me?" and she said, without missing a beat, "You are too nice." Fan-fucking-tastic.

Thats it - my whole world in a nutshell from a psychic at a holiday party.

Needless to say, I stayed away from the psychics (all of them) the rest of the night. I was tipsy and couldn't handle any more revelations - true or false.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Lack of Posts

Dear Vicks,

I'd like to thank you for your revolutionary products of NyQuil and DayQuil. They are quite helpful in my fight against this wicked cold/flu crap I have. Once again, I'm indebted.

Yours truly,
The Sicky

P/S Theraflu does nothing.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

I ain't one to gossip, but....

There has been so much juice out there, I have to jump on the gossip bandwagon, so here are a few "I cant wait to tell..." stories.

Apparently I'm not the only one that loves me some Avery.
Sean Avery that is.
He's a center for the LA Kings and "allegedly" is fraternizing with Elisha Cuthbert of 24 fame. They were spotted in Toronto - hand in hand!

I guess Elisha is also a huge hockey fan because she has her very own hockey blog over at Who knew?

At least this way he's cleaning up his image since his little rant about French-Canadian players being wussies, well change the W and replace with a P.


Things arent so sunny in the land of Spederline. "Apparently" she had his car repossed and returned to the lot. I'm sorry but that boy is a freaking BUM why she married him, I'll never know. But DAMN! So the rumor is that Mama Spears has moved in to help with the new baby and has pushed the Kevster out. THANK GOD!


I have been holding my tongue on the whole Jolie/Pitt/Aniston thing, but Brad has (in my opinion) crossed the line decency line by attempting to adopt Angelina's kids. You were unhappy in your marriage and wanted something else - fine, thats why you got the divorce.
But going out and adopting the children of the woman who (allegedly) broke up your marriage is bad form. I know that you want to move on with your life, but out of respect for Jennifer, you should have waiting. I was on Team Jolie, I'm now on Team Aniston.

Where's my shirt?


I just spent 20 minutes watching a drug bust at the crack/whore motel across the street from my work.

I love Hollywood.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005


Its been a while since I've done one of these but I guess its best to wait until you get a good one. So the good one for today is JESSICA!!! She's the very same Jessica from The Cheeky Monkey link you see in my Blogs I Read section and likes to make smart ass comments in the comment section.

So I've been waiting and waiting for a picture from Jessica and I finally get this (and by finally I mean over the weekend and this is the first time I can dedicate to getting it up).

Its cute! Except it doesn't show the flirting she's so good at.

So away we go with the Q&A

Begun at 12:10 am GST on 17 November, 2005. I told you I've been waiting for the picture for a long time.
1. Where do you live?
Bournemouth, England, United Kingdom. You know that collection of countries whose square mileage is smaller than that of Oregon and where everyone thinks a 2 hour commute is longer than the stone-age? The one with the Queen right?
2. What do you do?
I am a post-grad student in Events Management at Bournemouth University. The only American in my program, but not the only outspoken obnoxious person. Thank God! One of the other students told me the other day that I sound like the people on TV in Hollywood. No joke. Thats awesome - just so you know, you are going for a degree I could only dream of.
3. Why do you read my blog?
Mostly to pass the time between reading 500 books, writing in MY blog, and holding the hands of 19 other post-grad students. You know you crack me up. You only ask that question so people will boost your ego for crying out loud! HELLO - Its my blog and for the record I ask this of everyone, quit bitching you answered the question.
4. What is your favorite story?
It would have to be the one about that kid that woke up the hulk who then chased him up some giant bean-stalk thingy only to find repunzel at the top with a butch hair-cut and making out with Cinderella. I know I'm deranged at times. I also know you were talking about you, AGAIN.Let's see. I've only been reading this thing since July maybe....I'm going to have to say the standard cop-out - I like them all. No really. They've all made me laugh in some way or another and that's all that really matters. I refuse to alienate just one and make all of the others feel inferior. I just can't do it. It seems so cruel....Yet another shameless plug that she saw through...
5. How much do you Ridgecrest and China Lake?
This was an incomplete question when it was sent to me. Did you want to know if I missed the Ridge or China Lake? Or do I loathe them? Or how much do I want to invite them over for tea and bicuits?I don't miss R/C or CL, but I do miss the people that I met while working there (yes, even you). I miss my mom, grandma, and my cat -my big fluffy-wuffy, pink-nosed, little... er, sorry. Anyway, I don't hate R/C or CL, it just sucked to be single there because, well frankly, it just sucked.Places like R/C make you realize why people adopted rocks as pets in the 70s....Sorry, it was incomplete - and you did guess correctly. I hear ya woman.
6. Doesnt it suck that we didnt start hanging out until we had both decided to get the hell out of there?
Yes it does suck and I am quite traumitized by it actually. My therapist says that my only hope for the pain is to buy shoes. Lots and lots of shoes. Pointy toed shoes I suppose...its quite a good prescription.
7. Details about the cute Brit boys you are meeting - remember this blog has no rating -woohoo first amendment!
There have been two previous Brit boys before I even moved here. One is an idiot who I finally kicked to the curb (where he belongs) last month and the other is a Brit-Italian hybrid who still calls me weekly to make me feel gooood ;). Hey, blame Melissa for wanting details, ok?Since arriving in the UK: Brit boy #1: nice, but too old for me. Liked football and me a lot, but the feeling wasn't mutual. Brit boy #2: hotter than Hedes and built like a Roman God (jawline included) but a little on the duh side. He is a pilot for British Airways (scary, I know) that i pulled (picked-up) at a bar one night and went on 3 dates with. Then he kissed me and I knew that there would never be a destination wedding, 2 gorgeous kids, and retirement together in Fiji. Hoover anyone? Brit boy #3: sexy professional sailor that you can read about how I met in my blog. The third date ended with him pulling an asshole maneuver. Seeing a 3rd date pattern here? Destiny my ass!(Mel-please hyperlink my blog entry- too much info to explain again. Thanks!) Italian boy #1: works at Starbucks, which I frequent almost everyday (my little slice of America). He started talking to me last week, or did I start talking to him? Ah well, he asked me to go out dancing with him and some of his friends last weekend and it turned out to only be him (they apparently all pooped-out). He's handsome and totally sweet, but I'm not really physically attracted to him. If you saw the way he danced the other night, you would completely understand. Also, I thought for a moment that he might be bisexual (he's not). He's hilarious, so I know that he'll at least be a fun helping him with his english is quite entertaining. I get tired just reading about your men.
8. Yeah yeah - I finally put a link to your blog on mine. Happy now?
Yes. I FINALLY feel worthy. I can die happy now, well, as long as I'm also buried with all of my diamonds. I'm glad I can give closure to one person in my life.
9. Share a secret...
...but then it won't be a secret. Here it goes....I have eyebrow-plucking OCD. Not sure if there is a technical psychological term for it yet, but I'm sure its bound to be covered by Medicare when I no longer have eyebrows that need it. I border on that at times, but stop myself short of getting rid of them because I dont want to look like one of those women that take a pencil and stencil themselves the weirdest looking eyebrows on earth. BTW its called Trichotillomania, I looked it up.
10. JESSICA's question or questions....
Most commonly asked question of me: Are you Canadian? No, god-dammit, I'm not! Eh?
My turn now: Mel, have you and the dirty green knight slept together yet? No - I dont even know his real name. Not like that has stopped me before! My brother just cringed.
Do you think all of those boys would have really gathered for a picture with me before I left? Yes, being the pushy gals that we are and their need for attention - definitely.
Doesn't seeing those men pee in the street kind of get you a little excited? NO Be honest!! Ok...I find it funny (weird funny not ha ha funny) that people lay in doorways and say "Ok, I'm home" and part of that is turning around and urinating on their kitchen counter. When I walk by alleys and smell the stench, I wonder if it was from a homeless person or from someone who just couldnt wait to find a restroom. Then I get pissed at the person who couldnt wait and that they pissed in someone's possible home. Yes, I know I need help.
Have you found anything unrecognizable, questionable or blatantly sexual of your roomate's yet? Yes
What was it? ( I walked into Rob's room the other day and could have sworn it smelled like sex. Dirty, raunchy, all-night-long sex.Then I remembered who my flatmate is and thought "naaaa".) I can actually picture you doing that! I found his porn stash, which quite frankly wouldnt be an issue since I consider him one of my closest friends and we have had very candid conversations HOWEVER he does have a big screen in the living room and I did sleep on his couch...things started to click - sooooo I bought a new bed.
When are you and the Jakeman going to come to the land of crooked teeth and pub-crawls to see me? First I need to take care of somethings like finding an apartment, then I'll start saving for a trip. If I take the Jakeman we need to find a babysitter for the pub-crawl, I'm stating now that I refuse to leave him with Rob.
Phew, I'm spent....Finished 1:37 am GST 17 November, 2005.

Is this what busy feels like?

Because damn I havent had time to sit down and write in my lovely blog for a bit! Lets do a rundown of my latest activities...

Friday - drove to the desert to pick up the parentals and child for my cousin's baby shower. On the way there, I got very frustrated with traffic that I ended up in Porter Ranch of all places.

Here I made a visual so you can laugh at me appropriately.

Dont even ask me how I ended up out there...lets just say I was trying to circumvent all the freaking LA traffic and I TRIED to take side streets. When I called my dad for guidance, all he did was laugh at me. Thanks daddy...thanks.

The rest of the weekend was filled with family stuff, which was great. Always have a good time with the fam. My car is being worked on. I was supposed to get it back but some new things that were found, I hope to get it back tonight. Ho hum.

Since I was supposed to go get my car last night and couldnt I went home and the roomie and I spent some quality time watching a dvd called "The Best of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog". I love Triumph, he is so funny. So many sketches had me doubled over but only one made me cry from laughing so hard - I found it for you.

A little background on the bit that you see on the DVD but not on this video: Triumph is sent to Hawaii to cover the American Idol auditions and is thrown out. He goes to the local NBC affiliate to tell them about the injustice of it all and they have him do the weather on a news broadcast! ENJOY!

Friday, December 02, 2005


That is how I felt most of yesterday and it has carried over into today. Why you may ask?

Remember how I posted that I'm recruiting for a blogmaster for a new website we are launching? Well I got some responses and I was really pushing for one person while someone else was making suggestions of bloggers to contact. Well we have two people coming in two weeks from now to interview for the position (my #1 and their #1). I have been saying that mine is great and just pulling for her because talking to her on the phone and reading her blog, I think she would be perfect. Not to take away from the other person, but I just think my gal would be best.

I get into work yesterday morning and one of the owners sends everyone involved in the hiring a link to an LA Times article on blogging. I dont have time to read it since I'm still reviewing emails - then I come to a second email from the big man saying that the gal on the cover is MY NUMBER ONE PICK! He even brought in a hard copy of the article with the picture of the blogger on the cover.

Sweet Sweet Victory.

Yes, that may be a bit premature but it felt good that I was on the right track AND that my taste in bloggers is a good one.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Update: Mr. Happy Crack

Many of you may recall my little email exchange with the agent/bodyguard of Mr. Happy Crack and how I was promised a tshirt for my little advertisement of their ad campaign. Sydney came through my friends - today, I received a box in the mail from the Happy Crack team. I happen to call home to find out how things were and my mom told me about the box. Jacob, of course was all over the box. So I told him to go ahead and open the box for me and tell me what was in it. Here is the conversation or more like what I heard on the phone.

Jacob: Ok mom, I'm opening the package. (I like how this becomes like he's disarming a bomb)
Me: Ok, tell me whats in the box...I'm really excited you get to open it.
Jacob: Me too...ok OH MY GOD!!! There is some underwear in here...
Me: Underwear?
Jacob: Yes, like pajamas
Me: Great! (I still have no idea)
Jacob: Oh Yeah! There is a tshirt in here too!!! And another box! I have to open the other box!
Me: Uh, ok. (I can hear my mom in the background reading the shirt and saying Mr. Happy Crack)
Jacob: Its uh, something - like a toy.
Me: What kind of toy?
Jacob: I dont know, like a toy. Mr Happy Crack! Mr. Happy Crack (no kidding he starts singing some theme song for Mr. Happy Crack that he just made up)

Upon further investigation I figured that these are the things I received.

I get them tomorrow night when I see the family.

Action Packed Post!

Hopefully this post will make up for the weak ass postings that have been put up by yours truly lately.

BLOG OF THE WEEK - The Hollywood Machine
Ahhh yes, yet another blog that I have to add to my daily checks. THM is so funny and the adventures of the British Balcony Lover are to die for. LOVE IT!

LOST (spoilers ahead)
6 weeks! 6 WEEKS!?!? We have to wait 6 weeks to find out what happens to our favorite band of islanders? So Kate killed her stepdad because she found out he was her real dad and he was abusive towards her mother - then her mother turned her in. Damn I'd have trust issues too. Fuck.

So the roomie and I are glued to the tv and when Kate takes Sawyer outside and sees the horse, the damn TIVO switches to South Park - so we didnt get to see what happens in the end. We jump online and find out about Sayid being on TV while Kate is in the recruting office. See:

So we missed the whole watching of the film (although from reading stuff online we really didnt miss much in that dept) but we missed the whole IM thing with Michael and WALT?!?!?! Holy Crap.

South Park

Yet another gem from Trey and Matt. Free Willzyx is about how the boys go to the Sea Park in Denver and the whale starts talking to Kyle and telling him how he needs to be freed and wants to return to the moon to be with his family. Little do they know that the whale's voice is being provided by one of the announcers of the whale show and that they do this often to little kids. In true SP fashion, Kyle grabs his friends and they all get in on the action to help the killer whale return home and the hilarity ensues.

BTW - here is a recap of that "Trapped in the Closet" episode with the Scientologists and Tom Cruise.

The Colbert Report

This show has really grown on me and if you had seen it two nights ago (we watched it last night on TIVO) HOLY CRAP it was hysterical. With the avian flu running rampant, he asks the age old question - Was it really that bad: Black Death. I didnt get a chance to see all of the video online because I have to - whats the word...WORK. But if they have the interview with the author - its all worth it.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Belated Birthday Pictures

So I finally got around to getting those pesky pictures from Kings game when I took the Jakeman for his birthday. Enjoy!

If you look closely it reads - HAPPY 4th BIRTHDAY JACOB! I'm such a cool mom.

Thats Jacob realizing they just said his name over the loud speakers.

Darn - I wanted that one to come out the best.

You bet your ass we wore these hats throughout most of the game. It was a group effort.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Tidbit from the Hockey Game last night

Just a little something until I can post something worthy. This is a little conversationI had last night with some guy while waiting to go into Staples Center. Gotta make a note that I ended up going alone because the person I invited got sick then the back up had to work late.

This guy is about late 30's.

Him: Hi
ME: Hello
Him: Whats going on?
Me: Oh, nothing, I'm trying to see if I can sell my extra ticket, since my friend couldnt make it.
Him: So you are a big fan huh?
Me: Yeah, pretty big I guess.
Him: Damn, pretty and a hockey fan. Where were you when I was single?
Me: Probably in high school

His friend started laughing. I walked into the arena and lost them. I wasnt trying to be a bitch, I was just being funny. I saw them later waiting for the Metro and then again on the Metro. He kept looking at me but never once approached me again.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Just Random Updates

For as much as I dont have much to do, I have been damn busy the past few days. Mostly because I've been looking for an apartment. Damn apartment hunting, seriously. I found this place I love but they want a lot of money like in 3 days, I just can't do it without selling an internal organ or my child. So I may have to let it go - darn it.

So my new job - I'm a recruiter right? I'm supposed to hire people and I hired someone! I was so excited, I called him last week and offered him the job and he accepted and today - he didnt show. Bastard. I called him and he told me that his mother had a relapse of cancer and he couldnt leave her - how do you get mad at that? Seriously. How-without sounding like the bitch that I can be? I told him to call us when she feels better to see if an opportunity is still available. Ugh.

Talked to the Rockstar not too long ago. Its funny how you miss people's voices. I also called Kelena over the weekend and chatted with her. Somehow both conversations ended up on Harry Potter, which is cool since I saw the last movie.

I have to figure out how to spice up this blog, its getting kind of dull. More tweaking to come I guess.

Started to read Angels and Demons by Dan Brown (the book previous to The DaVinci Code). I'm at the part where they found out what was stolen from the basement.

Ho Hum....

Friday, November 25, 2005


Or the extra day off to some this may be old news but I just stumbled upon it - therefore not new to me! Tom Green posted his cell phone number on his website because he lost his mind. I called and his mailbox was full, so I paged him. We shall see if it works.

Thursday, November 24, 2005


Thats what time the turkey was done for tonight's feast. Amazingly enough, that is not the record in our family for the latest we have had Thanksgiving dinner - I believe it was 10:30pm a few years back. Also an interesting note was that my aunt and cousin's didn't show due to car problems and so 4 people got to share a 22 pound turkey.

Leftovers anyone?

See - I added things

Just killing time until the turkey is ready. I added some stuff on the side and probably more to come.

Happy Turkey Day!

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Movie Review: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Monday night I went to see Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire at Grauman’s Chinese Theater. The movie itself is so good – I swear every time I walk out of a Harry Potter movie (and subsequently buy them on DVD) I want to sit down and read the book. But this movie is so dark – on occasion I hid behind my sweater. PG-13 is an understatement. So yes, the movie – awesome, but what made it even better was watching it at Grauman’s. The majesty of the theater is, well, majestic.

Rating: Full price

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

RIP Ugly Dog

Man this dog is fugly...but still...RIP.

Monday, November 21, 2005

A Dream Come True!

Mark your calendars people!!! Yours truly will be riding the zamboni at the LA KINGS game on Monday, March 20th. Its going to be a sell out because we are playing Colorado.

I cannot express how excited I am about this.

Typical Monday

Had a pretty crappy week last week in the attitude department - mine not everyone else's. Don't know why - just the way it was. So just got tidbits for you since I had to drive in from Ridgecrest this morning and I'm freaking ass tired.

Going to see Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire tonight...WOOHOO!

Got myself a South Park Character - you can create one for yourself too - click HERE.

Here is mine, rather tame, but my personality still shines through.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Look at me! I'm playing with HTML!!!

Ok - its more like copy and pasting but none the less! BTW - this is my favorite CD at the moment. I may be behind the times, but I'll be damned if I dont just freaking love this song.

Got Nothing

I don’t have anything of particular importance to post at the moment – working on a featured reader, just waiting for the picture.

I’ve been doing all this blog research and have found a few blogs I have actually become a fan of. I’ll be revamping the page with new links and such next week – stay tuned!

Thursday, November 17, 2005

OMG - I can't wait!

Please tell me this movie will go into superfast production because I, for one, cannot wait!!

Got it from E!Online:

ICE ICE BABY:: Per trade reports, Will Ferrell and Napoleon Dynamite star Jon Heder in talks to star in Blades of Glory, a comedy about two male figure skaters banned from solo competition who team up for the pairs competition at the Olympics.

Could not have said it better myself

From a new reader - ya girl!

Breathless - for a few reasons

Howdy Ho people!

What a Wednesday night! Ever wonder why the nights that you figure are going to be lowkey are the ones that end up being the most entertaining?

After work I went to Target to buy the Jakeman a belated birthday present since we are having a belated birthday party for him this weekend. Since the toy section is RIGHT next to camping, I opted to check out the camping gear for an inflatable bed. A few nights ago, when I was sleeping on the couch, I got such a horrible back pain that I really couldnt sleep. I've had to sacrifice my favorite pillow to use as extra cushioning. Anyways, I opted to buy the twin bed in hopes to not feel so cramped in the morning. Spent more money I thought possible at Target and went home to make dinner. By the time I was all done with dinner and such, still had about 30 or so minutes left until LOST started. So I decided to open up my new bed and get it set up. Now this may be such a girl thing to do butI didnt realize it DIDNT come with a pump. Thats right - no pump. All the pictures had pumps, nowhere on the box did it say *Pump not included. Now I had a dilemma - do I go buy a pump or start blowing? My first instinct was to use the hair dryer but I'll be damned if it didnt say right on the instructions not to use the hair dryer - I must admit, I am a rebel but if the thought crosses my mind and I immediately see something to the contrary, I tend to take it as a sign. Bicycle pump didnt do my any good - so au natural I went. It didnt take me as long as I thought it would - I took breaks while we watched LOST and South Park to blow it up so not to shabby.

Come on now - Scott, I hope this episode redeemed the series for you. Answered some questions for me and I thought it was pretty damn good. I can't wait for next week and the reunions - Rose/Bernard, Sun/Jin, Kate/Sawyer...found this LOST theory that seems interesting. Who knows if its crap, I just like getting sucked into the madness of it all. I got to work early and missed Kevin and Bean's recap of last night's episode. Darn.

Last night had to have been one of the funniest episodes ever of SP. It was called "Trapped in the Closet" - Stan went to take a personality test with the Church of Scientology and they said that for a nominal fee they can cure his "depression". So he pays the fee and goes to take a reading of his phenoms (or something like that) - it registers through the roof and the heads of the Church of Scientology believe that Stan is the reincarnated spirit of L. Ron Hubbard. When they go to Stan's home and try to get him to lead their church they explain their beliefs and during the whole "story" they put a disclaimer up that said "SCIENTOLOGISTS REALLY BELIEVE THIS". Let me add that John Travolta and Tom Cruise where there trying to recruit Stan and after Stan insults Tom Cruise's acting, he locks himself in Stan's closet. The rest of the episode was a running joke of getting Tom Cruise to "come out of the closet" - eventually John Travolta and R. Kelly join him (the whole R. Kelly "Trapped in the Closet will be another post shortly because I just heard of the latest chapters). In the end - Stan refuses to be the leader of the C.O.S because its a scam and the congregation (that has gathered on his front lawn) starts saying that they are going to sue him for talking bad about the religion. So Stan dares them (the camera) to sue him and the show ends. In the credits, everyone's name was either John or Jane Smith. CLASSIC!!!

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Movie Review: SHOPGIRL

I forgot to tell you that I went to see SHOPGIRL last night. Should tell you what I though of the movie – BORING!
MAYBE if I had read the book I would have understood it more.
MAYBE if I had not been tired I would have enjoyed it.
MAYBE if it wasn’t so slow I would have liked it more.

I don’t understand how Claire Danes is getting rave reviews for her portrayal of Mirabella – she did about the same thing that she did in My So-Called Life” lots of looks and shy smiles. The best parts of the movie were when Jason Schwartzman gets into the picture. But these scenes were few and very far in between. On a certain level it was cute (like I how flip-flopped there?) but most of the picture I was waiting for it to end. And let’s not get into how creepy Steve Martin came across; I kept wondering how much plastic surgery he had.

Final Rating: RENTAL or Saturday Afternoon on TNT

Just Killing Time

Until Lost tonight...Ok Scott - hopefully tonight's episode will redeem the show for you. I, for one, cannot wait. I almost went to a friend's house to relish in it, but I shall head home and see it with the roomie via TiVo...I've learned to hate commercials. So in the spirit of killing time, I have a couple of things for you guys.

Killing Time Point Numero Uno
I saw this on another blog and thought it was kind of cool. I'm sure you've seen it before, like in an email that is forwarded to death throughout your companies. Here goes

If you are near to this picture, Creepy Scary Old woman is on the left and the Good Housekeeping model is on the right. If you view it from a distance, they switch places!

Option 1 - Squint, really. They switch places

Option 2 - Do save as on the picture and then use the zoom on some picture program. So much fun.

I feel like its one of those pictures that you would stare at when you were at the mall - I always pretended I saw whatever was there because I NEVER saw it. But I see this!

Killing Point Numero Dos

Alright - what is my favorite President doing?!?!

He gave the Prime Minister of Japan a Segway. A SEGWAY!! These were supposed to be the next best thing about 5 years ago (even more I suspect). Is he trying to revitalize the market by having the Japanese Prime Minister break something while riding this thing. I can see it now - the PM will fall and the Japanese will blame America.

Killing Point Numero Tres

In an effort to stay on top of breaking news - I was watching Good Morning America this morning andt they were talking about this 37 yr old woman who married her son's 15yr old best friend. And the kicker is that she's pregnant! The best part of the whole story is when they interviewed the grandmother. I cant figure out how to link directly to the video of the grandmothere - this is as close as I got. Do yourselves a favor and watch it-its one of those interviews that you can see the thought bubbles over the grandmother's head saying "Why is she asking me such a stupid question?"

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Holy Crapola!

So my last post - the Mr. Happy Crack thingy right? Never thought I'd get two posts out of it...but what do ya know! Please read my little email conversation that I swear has made me giddier than Michael Jackson at a Boy Scout jamboree (oh stop it).

Sidney Crackstein <> wrote:
From: Sidney Crackstein
To: Melissa
Subject: [My Misadventures of Life] 11/15/2005 08:50:08 AMDate: Tue, 15 Nov 2005 08:54:59 -0800 (PST)
Melissa:Thank you for the nice words regarding our mascot Mr. Happy Crack. And since we are shameless media whores, we would like to reciprocate by offering you a free Mr. Happy Crack tshirt.Please provide your, um, size and fashion nirvana can be yours. Keep up the great work and please feel free to gush over Mr. Happy Crack any time you please..........wait that didn't sound right.
Crackily Yours, Sidney Crackstein,
Agent/Bodyguard for Mr. Happy Crack
--Posted by Sidney Crackstein to My Misadventures of Life at 11/15/2005 08:50:08 AM

----- Original Message -----
From: Melissa
Sent: Tuesday, November 15, 2005 11:40 AM
Subject: Fwd: [My Misadventures of Life] 11/15/2005 08:50:08 AM
WOOHOO!! Free shirt! If this actually exists - I'll post a picture of me wearing it on the blog: my size is so where are you sending it to?


----- Original Message -----
To: Melissa
From: Mr. Happy Crack" wrote:

Melissa, it's Sidney here. That address thingy is a minor detail but I guess it would make things easier if we didn't have to guess where to send it. Care to provide an address to the bodyguard of a cartoon mascot? You'll also recieve a free personally autographed picture of Mr. Happy Crack. See Melissa, you thought this was going to be just another Tuesday.


----- Original Message -----
From: Melissa

Ok here goes -

555 Main Street
Lost in Angeles, CA 90210
(yes I gave him a real address)

You got my name, just put that sucker in the mail, I'll be looking forward to it. So do you get a lot of blog mentions?


P/S Yes my day totally got better and you bet your ass this is all going on the blog.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Mr. Happy Crack

Read on for more information about this interesting tale.
I'm still giggling at the ad campaign.

Blog, Blog, and More Blog

The new position I am recruiting for within my company is a blogmaster and I’ll be damned if I’m not more confused about being a blogger now than when I started. I have been going through resumes and blogs for different candidates trying to figure out who to weed out and who to keep and I’ve found my top four – that was Friday. It is now Monday and I have 10 more resumes/blogs to review for my meeting tomorrow. In doing this, I have opted to research other company blogs to see what information they are putting out, in trying to find these company blogs I have come across countless of articles on blogging. I’m blogged out. Articles on BlogSpotting, Making money off your blog, and the new marketing tool: the blog. Don’t get me wrong, I knew all this before I started but dear lord there is so much information out there. Maybe its just too much for a Monday morning – that might be it.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Just some observations....

Just a few tidbits from my walk across the street to the 7-11…

1) If you are going to go commando, please for the love of all that is holy – do not wear jeans with big holes so that we know you are going commando.
2) Screaming into the sunset and flashing the drivers on Sunset Blvd is a good thing to do – especially if you are a man dressed as Joan Jett.
3) Let me ask – is today see a homeless man pee on the street day? Because I just saw number 2. And I thought the first one was a treat!

Noooooooooo... Really? You Don't Say!

I didnt need a poll to tell me this.


We have all been guilty of being one at one point or another in our lives. My dad cracks me up that he is the worlds best tourist. I fondly remember a trip to the Mayan ruins of Tikal in Guatemala. The beauty and the spectacular architecture was enough to take your breath away – as was the fact that my dad and I climbed every single ruin – just plain breathless and close to succumbing to the state of unconsciousness. We were part of a tour group and the last temple was supposed to be the best one the problem was, however, that the excavation had not yet been completed and so they tied ladders (yes, wooden ladders) to trees (yes, the green things) with ropes to allow the tourists to climb to the top to get the breath taking view. Oh yes, you too have seen the breath taking view from the top of the temple – didn’t you know? Did you see Star Wars? At the end, when Princess Leah gives Luke, Chewy, and Han Solo the awards – did you see the jungle with the stone tops popping through? You betcha – that was our view after about a 20 minute climb. My whole favorite part about that climb was that my dad left the video camera on…so you see the camera crashing into the ladder or the tree, hear my mom complaining, and then hearing my dad say something like “Aye Dios mio! La camera!” Which translated is “Oh my God, the camera!” But I bet you figured that out my smart following.

So this morning, since I parked on the side of the street where you have to be gone by 8am or you reap the wrath of the “Parking Enforcement” police AND it was a holiday (have you hugged a Vet today?), I got to work at about 8:15am. In my wisdom and need for sustenance I opted to walk to McDonald’s for a sausage mcmuffin with egg and found myself with – you guess it, TOURISTS! At 8:15am? Don’t these people sleep? Well, sleep in at least? They had the cameras, fanny packs, and shirts from amusement parks – they were standing out louder than a drag queen in church. I remember working at Universal and just being floored by people and their all out tour de force to have a great time AT ALL COSTS! Its no wonder I’ve never actually had a vacation, when I travel and use “vacation time” its to go do something somewhere else…most likely a wedding. Ahh, tourism – the economic force that keeps certain cities otherwise in the red – floating comfortably in the black. So to see people pay good money to come see where I live and where I work, it’s a little mind boggling at times. When an out of town friend or family would come and beg to go to Universal or Citywalk my first reaction was to go “UGH” – why? Because I worked there!!! I usually bit the bullet but it was funny that they would be excited about the tram ride and taking pictures while I sat back and talked to the tour guide about the party last weekend. But I digress – I had great times at Universal, on of the best was at a Christmas party when Scott and (cough) came with me and a friend of mine gave us a special backlot tour which involved the boys going INTO the Psycho house. Yeah, no thanks, I’ll happily freak out in the car with (cough). Back to the tourism thing – so I always find it funny to see people taking pictures of places I work and I realize where I am. People come to see my home, my place of business – dare I say…me? Ok not me, but there are some fetching pictures of me with a group of Japanese girls that loved me when I jumped in their group shot at Universal a long time ago.

Speaking of Kodak Moments, saw a homeless man peeing in an alleyway when I was walking back from McD’s this morning. Yet another reason to get a camera phone.

Thursday, November 10, 2005


I know what I'm going this weekend! Let me know if you'd like to join - looks like I'm going on Sunday.

LOST and Dying Plants...

New episode of Lost last night and wowie…its wasn’t mind blowing and since I had my suspicions as to who was going to kick the ole bucket, it didn’t come a big shock. HOWEVER in finally allowing myself to go on to the message boards –there is a theory a brewin’ that I’m all over. I need to stop. But it was good, oh so good.

As funny as this sounds, even though I’ve been down here for about 3 weeks or so, I’m finally branching out and being sociable. I kind of have, but for one reason or another I’ve been rather reserved about going out after work and having fun. Maybe because I feel guilty that I’m the one down here and my son is up with his dad – I don’t know (see, who needs therapy, I can do this myself). I have plans to go bowling with Sophia again tonight AND I have a shopping list of things to replenish at the apartment. Finally, other than doing the dishes, I’m feeling useful.

Celebrity Sighting –
I saw Mark Moses this morning putting mail in a mailbox on the corner of Whitsett and Moorpark. Mark Moses plays Paul Young on Desperate Housewives. When I told my mom she said “ Did you ask him what was going to happen to his son?” My reply “No mom, I was DRIVING! Plus my window still doesn’t work.”

Plant Update
Talk to the Jakeman this morning and I told him it was his job to take care of my plant since my mom told me that she used piece of string to wrap around all the leaves and stems to make sure they are standing up. Somehow I think he will do a much better job than her.
Me” Jakey, I have a job for you.”
Jakey: What is it?
Me: You are in charge of my plant, Grandma isn’t doing a good job.
Jakey: What do I have to do?
Me: You have to water it, put it in the sun for a little bit, and then talk to it on occasion
Jakey: Talk about what?
Me: School, what you did that day…whatever you want
Jakey: Will it talk back?
Me: No *(Made a mental note never to show Little Shop of Horrors to my child until he is about 10yrs old)

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Plant Killer!

For 6 months or so, I managed to keep the beautiful plant that I had received when I started my new job at the squadron alive. My mom has had it for 3 weeks and its on its last legs.

I just spoke with her and she wanted to tell me that it wasn't doing very well and that I needed to "be prepared". Doesnt that suck?

All I Got

Yeah kind of quiet on the homefront today. Left work early after someone pulled the fire alarm in the building – made my way to Target in search of some storage drawers but the place looked like it had been ransacked, so no drawers = no organizing. Got home and made dinner – it came out surprisingly good. I’m actually always surprised when the food comes out better than just edible. If you know me, you know my lack of cooking skills - somehow watching all that Food Network with Jacob has worked. I made Beef Stroganoff – I giggle when I say it because it sounds dirty. Hung out on the couch and watched Arrested Development, My Name is Earl, and the Office – then I started my new “catch up on this show on DVD” quest – NIP/TUCK. Holy Crap! I was speechless and couldn’t tear my eyes away from the first episode.

Happy Birthday to my little brother. I had to do the math that we do every year to figure out how old you are. Penguin – I’m proud of you, not because you forgot my son’s birthday (ARGH!!) but because of the life you have made for yourself and your family. Love you all – give them my love. Especially Missy – and tell her to smack you in the forehead for me. You may be bigger than me but I’m still your older sister! Until I hit 35 then I’ll be doing the switcharoo that Tia Lucy does with dad.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

For Scott

I feel so special! Who knew I had that much power with someone I didnt give birth to. Things are good - had a date last night nothing like Taco Bell and watching TV to bond people. Actually it was nice because I was a bit down since Jacob was gone and tired from the long weekend.

I was listening to Kevin and Bean this morning and they were talking about people having sex with inanimate objects. My question is why most of the callers were guys? I mean seriously – are you that horny you just cant use your hand? I heard about a car tailpipe, a watermelon, between the mattress and box spring, a roll of bagels…I formally apologize to Peggy for that little rant.

Also I had a little bit of a revelation, I bought some pointy toed shoes for my pimp costume and I loved them. Now I put my other boots on (with a square toe) and it just doesn’t have the same feel. I heard or read somewhere that once you get into the pointy toed shoes, you never really go back and I’m finding this is true…what do you think Scotty Poo?

As for voting – hmmm I’m all about taking down Ah-nold but I don’t know if my residency is going to pose a problem. I’m registered in Kern County and since I can’t drive up there to vote…I’m still going to try. Have to find a polling place around here and go show my little card. I’m sure it won’t be that hard since it seems like a majority of people around here hate the Govenator. I have no interest in seeing 50-Cent’s movie. I’ll eventually watch it on VH1 like I did Eminem’s movie. But yes, I’d like to avoid the gang conflicts as much as possible.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Medieval Times Pictures

Here are some pictures from Medieval Times - I cant for the life of me find the camera from the Kings game, I have to look harder, even if it means actually cleaning out my car.

My mom after the soup incident...

Jacob and his soup...even at 4 he's more coordinated than my dad.

$20 my ass! See - I can have the memory of the night with my little $4 disposable camera.

Look at my kid pay attention...awwww


You can say it - we make quite the pair huh...


I saw John Tesh this morning at the Starbucks and I'm still not sure if I should be excited that I recognized him.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

The Jakeman has left 3 and entered 4...

Yup, yesterday was Jacob's birthday and boy do I have a story to post! I will post the weekend festivities and then post pictures later, because I know that procratination comes really easily to me and since the memories are fresh - its better to do it now. By the way, there is the slight chance that my brother is reading this and realizing that he forgot his nephews birthday. I wonder....

Par-TAY weekend...I first have to tell this story that Shannon loved about Jacob and yes this will be a fairly Jacob-centric post but since crap always happens to me, I hope it will be fun to read.

This was the plan:
1) Drive up Thursday night and do laundry
2) Drive down Friday late afternoon and spend the night at Shannon's
3) Kings game Saturday afternoon
4) 8pm Medieval Times show
5) Spend the night at my uncle's house
6) Have my parents take Jacob back home (they were going to drive down for Medieval Times)

***Side note - I needed to remember to bring back my pillow that I had left up there a couple weeks ago and bring back a Harry Potter movie that my friend had borrowed...I remembered the pillow and forgot the movie, I managed to call my parents before the drove down to bring it with them, and like a dumb ass I forgot to get it from them. Its no wonder I make TO DO Lists for everything***

On Friday, before we headed out of town, I wanted to go buy little birthday party hats to wear to the hockey game so we go to Kmart to get them. I tell Jacob before we enter what we are getting (its a little trick that sometimes works - as you will soon read). I grab the bag of hats and Jacob starts grabbing other party stuff, like plates, napkins and such. I tell him that we are only getting hats for the hockey game, he doesnt get it (or doesnt want to) and holds on to the stuff even tighter, like for dear life. My child typically doesnt cause a scene sooooooooo this was kind of bewildering to me. There we are and I'm trying to calmly get the party stuff back to put it on the shelf. Not a chance, I go to grab for them and they fall on the floor, he accuses me of taking them out of his hand (duh) and I put them back on the shelf. Now he's standing there yelling AT ME about getting the party stuff. I decided to save some dignity and decided to leave - preferably with the child but that wasnt working out very well. In front of the photo "lab" with the photo guy there, he starts yelling (oh yeah, YELLING) at me about getting the plates. If you have ever heard kids scream - they have this ear piercing squeal that sends shivers down your spine. I have kind of gotten used to it - the photo guy on the other hand was caught off guard. So finally I pick Jacob up forcibly remove him from Kmart. I take him to the car and strap him in his car seat. As I walk around to the driver's side, this lady looked at me like I was evil - I just looked at her and said "The parent always needs to win". She looked at me with this look I'm still trying to figure out. As we are driving away, he starts apologizing and then says "I don't know what came over me" Yeah...gotta love it. I tried very hard to keep from breaking out in laughter. We didnt go back but did end up buying then before the hockey game - which he tried to pull that trick again and I walked back to put the hats back and he immediately apologized - gotta love the power!!!!

Hockey Game
Got to the game late because of the aforementioned party hats. We got to our section and I passed out the hats. I loved that the two guys behind me wore the hats for the majority of the game. It was so much fun - I had arranged it so they would announce his birthday and put it on the jumbotron and he freaked out. It was so cool. Kings game back from 2-0 to win in a shut out, great hockey afternoon all the way around. To Scott - no Mike...darn it.

Medieval Times
I have to admit, I was a little leery about taking the Jakeman to Medieval Times for dinner, but it can be a crapshoot with kids - but holy shit it was AWESOME! I had shown him the website and clicked on the videos to prepare him and it worked. The party crowd was my parents, Jacob, Sophia, Sophia's friend Nicole and moi. You have to get there so early and I was nervous about the whole short attention span, we nearly lost him a few times but he held on. My dad bought him a little wooden sword that he kept sticking in his pants. I swear it was as funny as it sounds. So we sat with the Green Knight - who is the dirty, smelly, disgusting knight. Gotta love it. We sat down and soon the festivities began.

THE BEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT: They were about to introduce the Green Knight and its tradition to bang your soup bowl on the table to welcome him into the arena. So my dad goes to get his soup bowl to start banging - what he failed to notice was that the soup had already been served. Oh yeah, all over himself and my mom. It was hysterical. She thought it was pretty funny.

In cheering for the green knight - we found him to be arrogant, cute, and sexy; especially when he would stick his tongue out. We had to endure the attitude all night and it was fun. In case you have never been or heard of Medieval Times - there is a little story involved - where the King's brother is killed and they have to have contest to find out who the best knight is to take over. Midway through the show the wizard has a vision that the brother was betrayed by someone. Remember, how I mentioned that Jacob had seen some of the videos? Yeah, he's screaming - THATS THE BAD GUY, THATS THE BAD GUY, when they were talking about something else. Then I asked him how he knew and he looked at me and said "The Internet" Great, I wonder what else he's going to pick up from the damn internet. I have to say that he loved it - when I post the pictures you will see just how much he was paying attention. He was sitting on my lap when the jousting and hand to hand combat started and he was dodging and mumbling words of encouragement. I'm telling you - awesome.

After the show, the Knights came out into the "nightclub" to mingle with the fans. I took a picture with the green knight because hello - he was our knight. And so Sophia, Nicole and I were chatting and then this blond gal goes up to our night and starts flirting with him. We wondered if there were knight groupies - figured probably but she was full on wanting the green one. She would giggle, toss her hair, went to get her picture for him to sign - it was shameless and WE needed to do something about it. So we did a little p-blocking. You guys can figure that term out. Its not like WE wanted him, but it really needed to end. I took a picture of Nicole and Sophie with the green knight and he had to ask her to move away because she was crowding the picture. I was laughing too hard that by the time I took the picture, she had walked away. We'll have to see if you can see her in the background.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Time to Reminisce

Every year, usually around your birthday or the holidays, you look back to see how things have changed. I’ve just started to look back and see how much my life has changed in the past 16 months. I was in a relatively happy marriage (relatively because things could always improve and nothing is ever perfect) living in a small town that kept me content but I was never happy in. Now I’m a divorced single mom living back in LA. I remember my brother making a comment on his blog a while back about how truly the decision to change your life really does rest in your own hands. You can chose to hide behind excuses but those are excuses not to do what you really want to do, out of fear, retribution – whatever. Ok, that last part was either his or mine, it’s a little blurry. But its true, in a snap of your fingers, you can choose to have a life you want or settle for something else. And living in the desert, I felt like I was settling for a life that wasn’t mine.

A lot of people would make remarks like “Why would you want to sit in traffic for hours on end?” when I first started talking about moving back to LA. Honestly, I don’t mind the traffic, just gotta know how to work it. I can get to and from work in about 25 minutes. Takes me 10 minutes by streets to get to the freeway, jump on the freeway for about 10 minutes because there is no straight road into Hollywood except maybe Highland but that can get just as jammed up, and then another 5 minutes from the freeway to work. In the morning I have Kevin and Bean and in the evenings I have Tom Leykis. Maybe it’s the fact that I grew up in LA and makes all this acceptable for me, I don’t know. But sometimes, there are things that just make it worth it.

Like this morning, as I was walking back from getting my coffee at Starbucks, I passed by some trucks that were setting up to film a tv show or a movie – its such a different world than what I’ve gotten used to but the funny thing is that I’ve never felt more at home. When I walk out of Starbucks I see the stars on the ground, like that of Walt Disney, walk by the Erotica Museum (which I still have to check out one day out of sheer curiosity), and dodge traffic as I run across Hollywood Blvd, and it feels so surreal yet homey. I always sort of felt out of place in the desert – felt like I was missing out on something and now just walking through some filming I feel like I’ve regained it – is that odd?

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Damn the Virus!

Not only have I started to reorganize my roomie’s place but I’ve managed to accidentally download a virus on his computer. Let me explain the gravity that this holds in the homestead…the man is compulsive – in a good, cute, loving way. For example – I went to his place and we had an “Entourage” marathon – I had gotten up to get something to drink and we needed to change the disk, so since I was up I offered to do it…the answer was no. I jokingly asked if he just didn’t want me touching his fancy schmanzy DVD player and the answer was yes. Now not only am I allowed to use the remotes but I’m allowed to change DVD’s freely. I also figured out the TIVO thing and don’t bother deleting anything I just watch.

Back to the virus – so I went to a website I had gone before to get HTML codes for my MYSPACE profile. All of a sudden, pop up windows everywhere, I tried closing them but they kept popping up. Roomie is an early bird and so when the anti virus popped up, I closed everything and let the computer do its thing. Next morning, I told him what had happened. He wasn’t pissed so I figured that was a good thing. The next night, the computer was running some anti virus thing I didn’t even bother logging on. Ok, following night – all seemed to be fixed so I logged on to Yahoo and BAM! The anti virus thing pops up again – this time the roomie was still awake but in his room reading so I went to get him. I jokingly asked him if I was banned from the computer and he said no, but to lay off the porn site…yuk yuk.

P/S I just finished watching FIREFLY the series, which is what the movie SERENITY is a continuation of and WOW! I mean WOWIE WOW WOW. People, rent it buy it, have parties for it. It was such an awesome series, I loved the movie and so I wasnt surprised by how much I liked the series but it was still funny, poignant, and just all around great.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Animal Style!

I've never ever had "animal style" anything at In and Out and today I tried the "animal style" fries. HOLY COW! Ever have those "How have I lived my life so long without this" moments? Yeah that was me during lunch.

Try it, trust me - JUST TRY IT....

What the hell is wrong with me?

I got home last night and immediately started to cook - then I cleaned for about and hour and a half?!?! I actually reorganized a closet for the roomie that was driving me nut. How anal am I that I actually refolded his towels. Anyways, that was my Monday exciting huh?

Monday, October 31, 2005


Here is my I said, I got a lot of compliments. You can't see it too well, but I'm also wearing a key around my neck...for what? Its for the drano - watch Dirty Harry if you don't get the reference.

Happy Halloween!!!

Ahhh - nothing like a 90 degree day to remind you of Halloween. Damn its hot outside, trust me, I know - I went out there. I dont know if I mentioned that my cousin works right next door, I mean literally NEXT door me and he called me over because they were having tacos - since I love free lunches and tacos...I said yes. Damn they were yummy, well thats the reason why I was outside, in the sun, in my costume. Did I say costume? Yup, I'm all dressed up, one of 8 or so people in the company dressed to impress. I've been getting a lot of compliments on my costume. Still not telling you though!!! I'll be posting a picture up later. Its just too good to just let out of the bag like this.

So I went to a costume party on Friday night and let me see - highlights...
1) I was pretty much the only sober one there (which hearing what my friend went through on Saturday and Sunday I was damn grateful)
2) Got spanked by two gay guys
3) This guy was telling me about how he was attacked by Nazis, even though I was convinced he was one
4) Someone said I looked hot...luckily it was a guy but not to my face - he told my friend. BUT STILL!

Friday, October 28, 2005

Is it wrong?

I'm giddy over the indictment and resignation.

Bad Melissa. At least I didn't woohoo like my roommate did this morning when he heard the news, I just smiled - widely.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Get Comfy...its going to be a long one...

I have so much to say today that I’ll start off with a rather obvious and categorize these suckas for an easier read.

DUBYA: Yes, the big man has done it again. His ally has decided to walk away from the Supreme Court nomination; his vice president, chief advisor, and who knows how many other people are probably going to be indicted for the CIA leak…its like his crafty house of cards is collapsing on itself. All I want to do is sit back and watch – is that wrong? If you know me well enough, you know that I am NOT a fan of the Dubya. Never was, never will be. And it appears to me that all his scheming and conniving are finally coming to a head. Did anyone watch Al Franken on The Daily Show with John Stewart? Yeah – that was hysterical.

The Da Vinci Code: I FINISHED IT!! Holy cow that was a page turner, everyone was right. Now I’m hearing from a couple of people, one whose opinion I regard very highly, that Brown’s book Angels and Demons, which apparently is the prequel to The Da Vinci Code, is even better. So yes, I’m borrowing it. I still have The Widow of the South at home; I need to knock that one out.

Halloween Costume: Ok, this is just too good not to share. Last night I was trying on my Halloween costume that I bought online (mistake #1) – on the website it said that a medium would fit 8-10, so that’s what I bought. When the package arrived earlier in the week, it said that a small would fit 6-10 and a medium would fit 10-14 – that’s a big jump…not to mention that I miraculously dropped a pant size over the weekend. So now I was panicking, I rush to the bathroom to try on the costume and the pants are actually a little tight. I check the tag and it says medium but damn, it’s a little snug. Not too bad, I can deal with it (mistake #2). So that past couple of nights I’ve been helping out the roomie with his costume – tailoring it a bit if you will. So I’ve been doing a lot of sewing (or earning my keep as he liked to put it). Last night I finished what I needed to do with his and opted to work on mine, not a lot needed to be done just a little taking in here and there. I put the whole costume on, even with the accessories I had bought that evening and VOILA! Not too shabby – damn dropped something…I bend over to pick it up and RRRIIIPPP! Oh yeah…I immediately turn around and damn skippy, right down the seam. The roomie’s reassurances that “The material is cheap” and “They don’t put them together very well” were a nice try to make me feel better, but failed. I sewed it up again but I fear that it’s going to happen again. I need to find a back up pair of pants, so we’ll see how that goes since I have bowling plans tonight.

P/S To Scott and Kelena - the costume I told you is not what I decided to go with....something very different.

The Jakeman – he’s sick (again) and he was supposed to go on his very first field trip to the pumpkin patch today with his preschool. Damn that sucks, he was so unbelievably excited. He also got a haircut which apparently did not go that well because he banned me from allowing him to go back. I find that odd because he loves his stylist (yes, the boy has a stylist) – so I have to get the non-3yr old version of the story from my mom.

The Twins – since I was done with my Da Vinci Code reading, I opted to rejoin society and listen to Kevin and Bean (if you are not in LA, that’s a local morning radio show) and they were talking about these twins that um…well…how should I put this…are cute little blonds who have put out an album and are used widely for recruitment purposes for the White Supremacy movement. I just can’t even type any more because not only was I speechless in the car, but now I seem to be wordless here on the blog. Click HERE for the story.

Ok – I’m spent. Maybe more later.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005


Here is a picture of Thai Elvis from when I went to dinner with Sophia and Waymond last week at Palms Thai. I swear that place rocks. I'm considering having another birthday party there since the last one went over so well.

On an LA Kings fan note, Marty McSorley was hanging out in the press box, which my seats are in front of and I screamed at him to get this picture. I swear its him - damn those picture phones and me jumping up and down to get his attention. See the comparison?

Monday, October 24, 2005


A loyal reader of this blog is coming back from the Middle East today. I'm happy you are back, I'm sure Kelena is happier.

Welcome Home!


I had typed this long ass post about my weekend and such filled with wit, insightfulness and just plain great and now I get an error message!!??! Not to mention the fact that when I clicked on the back button, the message had erased. DAMN YOU BLOGGER!!!

Here is the quickie version:
1) Bought The DaVinci Code on CD - I dont mind commuting anymore, as a matter of fact bring on gridlock! For those of you that read the book - I'm at the part where they are at the safe deposit box.
2) My cd player in my car sucks ass.
3) Thai Elvis
4) Shannon and I at the hockey game last night. Nice car Shannon.
5) Went to the car wash on Saturday, which worked out nicely since today its misty and forgot the sunroof was open a wee bit. When telling the story, Jacob tells people that "Mommy and I were screaming like little girls"

The Weekend Plus A Little More...

Whats up my peeps? Such a gloomy day in Los Angeles...what grand coffee drinking weather and since I got to work a whole half hour early, I walked the three blocks to Starbucks to get myself a little something. Still dont know if there is a Coffee Bean within walking distance, have to scope that out. Probably Jessica and Shannon would appreciate that little bit of knowledge. Let me just say that the whole city just seems deserted. Is it the weather? The time of morning? I have no idea, but I barely waited to get my coffee. I stayed at Shannon's last night because we the two single gals were hitting up the hockey game last night (Damn those ref's! We should have won!). Hey Shannon - I like your car...

So I drove in to Hollywood from Long Beach, I got here in about an hour and thats because I opted to get off the 110 and take the 10 and then streets, this may not mean anything to anyone else but I might have extended my commute this morning by about 20 minutes and I was happy about it! Why-you may ask. Because Melissa bought herself THE DAVINCI CODE on CD and I have been hooked on that damn thing since I drove down from desert yesterday. Here is the funny thing about the cd player in the car is crap. Remember how much trouble I have with my car - on top of the oil leaks, my car cd player is rather tempermental. I have come to the conclusion that the cd player will play every other CD that I buy and absolutely no CDs that are burned, unless they burned on a Saturday and with music that is downloaded - no copied CD's...welcome to my personal hell. So after I bought my book on cd, first thing I did was try disk out. IT WORKS!! Yeah, all good. I start on my road trip the first CD already in. I get into the 2nd hour of my drive and I pop the 2nd CD in and - ERROR. WTF? I try again - ERROR. No way! So there I am driving down the 14 fiddling with this CD popping it in and out, its bad enough there are no good radio stations at this point to switch over - so I put in another music CD to hold me over until I get to the gas station and lunch spot (In and Out...yum!). I tried 3 CD's until I finally got one to work (thank you Ray Charles!). I thought that maybe the vibration from the car might be keeping the disk from catching - who knows. My car is like a girl you are trying to seduce sometimes, everything has to be perfect for it to work. Anyways, so I get lunch and gas and still no CD working. A half hour later...I get it work - WOOHOO!!! Five minutes into it, my friend calls me on my cell. Let me say that I seriously considered it going to voicemail, but we had been playing phone tag for a week. I told her my little adventure with the damn CD player and she was laughing - because of course, this stuff does happen to me. Thats why I'm happy that I was stuck in commuter hell this morning - because of the book. Damn that book is good so far. For those of you that are curious - I'm at the point where they are at the safe deposit bank.

These past few days have been rather busy. Last week, I went to dinner with Sophia and Waymond to a place called Palms Thai and they had a Thai Elvis. HOLY SHIT! It was awesome. I highly recommend it. Waymond had taken a picture of the Elvis on his phone but I have yet to see it. I'll post it eventually. Speaking of pictures - I took a picture of Marty McSorley at the hockey game last night with someone's cell phone. By someone I mean the guy who sits with two gals that I know - he has some weird Russian name but Julie tells me to just call him Puckhead - which I do, since I cant remember his name!

Jakeman Adventure of the Weekend
I went up to visit the Jakeman this weekend and this kid is a crackup. He's just plain funny. I took my car to get washed on Saturday, which worked out nicely since it was drizzling this morning. We did the drive through thing that he loves. Did I fail to mention that I had forgotten that my dad had opened the sunroof a little bit earlier that morning? Yes...the water came into the car! Luckily, because the sunroof was only popped open it wasnt as bad as it could have been. So here is my dilemma - I got water coming in, Jacob laughing and screaming, I'm laughing and screaming, I'm trying to stop the water with the only thing that can soak things up on hand - my scarf, and Jacob clammering to hit the button to close the sunroof. I'm trying to stop him because he can easily go the wrong way - which probably worked out better if he did it, because thats exactly what I did. I think I finally got it closed when they were air drying the car. When Jacob retells the story - he's happy to include the detail that "Mommy and I were screaming like little girls" No lie - thats my kid.