East Coast Adventure: Day 1 - The Plane Ride

Holy Hell - this is a post in itself. I got to the airport relatively early and painlessly thanks to my wonderful buddy Rozanne taking me from work (after our manicures/pedicures and In and Out fix).

After I checked my bag - I realized that I didnt put a luggage tag on it, in case it gets lost. Since I have never EVER lost a bag, I hope that my streaked continued (it did). As I'm sitting in the sports bar, looking to see if the Oilers had beat the Ducks that night (they didnt but eventually did win the series), I see that a bunch of kids are passing along heading towards the gate where I'm supposed to be in.

I pray that they are not on my plane. That prayer is futile because about 30 teenagers are on my flight. DAMN!! Since I was leaving at 1030pm, I was hoping to get a little shut eye on the flight. Figured maybe the kids would pass out from the sheer excitement of flying to DC (that was my connection). I held on hope.

I'm killing some time by chatting it up with a friend on my cell and finally we start to board. As I approach my seat (I had the window seat), I see a really big fat woman sitting in the middle seat of an aisle. Again, I wondered if she was in my row....and she was. I tell her that I'm sitting in the window and she gives me this look like I'm an inconvinience to her. Dude, sorry! Then she uses her cane (not kidding) to get up and she's about 5'11" and about 280-300. I sat in my seat and then she sits down. NO JOKE - I couldnt even put my arm on the armrest because her fat was pouring over it. Sweet Jebus! I felt like I looked like a little kid next to her. So I'm trying to see if I can get comfortable laying next to the window and such - I even broke my pillow out (yes I took my pillow dammit). Then I hear her say:

Big Fat Lady: HEY RONNY! You ok up there?
Ronny (from the row in front of her): I'm fine...

This is my out! Here goes the conversation:
Me: Is that your son?
BFL: No (huffs, no lie), he's my nephew.
Me: Oh, well would you like me to switch seats with him so you can sit together?
BFL: You wouldnt mind giving up your window seat?
Me: Absolutely not - I'm sure you would like to have him closer to you.
BFL: Why thank you, thats very kind of you.
Me: No really, its my pleasure.
BFL: RONNY! Get your stuff together and move back here!
Ronny: Why?
BFL: BECAUSE I TOLD YOU! NOW MOVE!

So I get up and switch seats with Ronny (who is about 12). As I'm getting up, the guy sitting in the aisle seat gives me this look like I just stole his alibi! It was classic.

So in the middle of the night, I get up to use the facilities and when I get back - I turn around and see BFL had fallen asleep...and fallen on top of the guy in the aisle seat. He was scrunched down in his seat so low, I felt sorry for him. Not sorry enough for me to give up my seat though! I looked at the guy in my row and said "Looks like I lucked out, ?" And he laughed.

P/S What I also failed to elaborate on was the smell this woman had...I'll just leave it at that.