Every year, usually around your birthday or the holidays, you look back to see how things have changed. I’ve just started to look back and see how much my life has changed in the past 16 months. I was in a relatively happy marriage (relatively because things could always improve and nothing is ever perfect) living in a small town that kept me content but I was never happy in. Now I’m a divorced single mom living back in LA. I remember my brother making a comment on his blog a while back about how truly the decision to change your life really does rest in your own hands. You can chose to hide behind excuses but those are excuses not to do what you really want to do, out of fear, retribution – whatever. Ok, that last part was either his or mine, it’s a little blurry. But its true, in a snap of your fingers, you can choose to have a life you want or settle for something else. And living in the desert, I felt like I was settling for a life that wasn’t mine.
A lot of people would make remarks like “Why would you want to sit in traffic for hours on end?” when I first started talking about moving back to LA. Honestly, I don’t mind the traffic, just gotta know how to work it. I can get to and from work in about 25 minutes. Takes me 10 minutes by streets to get to the freeway, jump on the freeway for about 10 minutes because there is no straight road into Hollywood except maybe Highland but that can get just as jammed up, and then another 5 minutes from the freeway to work. In the morning I have Kevin and Bean and in the evenings I have Tom Leykis. Maybe it’s the fact that I grew up in LA and makes all this acceptable for me, I don’t know. But sometimes, there are things that just make it worth it.
Like this morning, as I was walking back from getting my coffee at Starbucks, I passed by some trucks that were setting up to film a tv show or a movie – its such a different world than what I’ve gotten used to but the funny thing is that I’ve never felt more at home. When I walk out of Starbucks I see the stars on the ground, like that of Walt Disney, walk by the Erotica Museum (which I still have to check out one day out of sheer curiosity), and dodge traffic as I run across Hollywood Blvd, and it feels so surreal yet homey. I always sort of felt out of place in the desert – felt like I was missing out on something and now just walking through some filming I feel like I’ve regained it – is that odd?