The Thrill of Victory and The Agony of Defeat

On Sunday, I was cheering the Raiders on to win in OT only to watch them get robbed of their victory when the Broncos's coach (the bastard) called a timeout as Janikowski, the kicker, was kicking a 52 yard field goal (which made it). After everyone calmed down, they redid the play with the ball hitting the goal post - not even on the side, but right on top! Broncos went on their own drive to score a field goal and win the game. (Sorry to be rehashing this Derry, SO SORRY!)

Tonight, I watched the Dodgers, up 8-7 in the bottom of the ninth and two outs, give up a walkoff homerun with a man on first base. I screamed at the tv (and Seito) and nearly cried.

What is it about competitive sports that allow us to get so emotional? I know I'm going to get really bad this year with the Kings. They traded ways their strong veteran players (I still haven't forgiven them for trading Matty Nostrom, even if it was for Jack Johnson), resigned used up players (cough - ROB BLAKE-cough), and now we have to deal with the damn Duck fans rubbing the Stanley Cup in our faces? Yeah, I dont know if I'll be able to handle all that.

But there is hope - I have found it in NINJA WARRIOR! Jacob and I (and yesterday I found out, my parents) are hooked on this tv show on G4. I've been talking up this show for a bit and tonight I had to add it to my TiVo season pass. Kids - this show is CLASSIC. Ninja Warrior is an obstacle competition show in Japan. G4 slaps some subtitles on it and instant entertainment. The show, I believe has been on for about 10 years, and in those 10 years only 2 people have successfully beaten the course - 2 people. Of course, my favorite part is watching the people fail in the very first leg of the obstacle course.

So with the downfall of our favorite sports teams, I urge you to try out Ninja Warriors. As an inspiration and sample of the degree of difficulty, I present you with Makoto Nagono, 1 of 2 men to complete the course. But when you watch, pay attention to all the potentials of hilarity available to you. Where this man has succeeded; many, many, have failed...most quite miserably. ENJOY!

Weekend Wrap-Up

Ahh, the weekend. The time that we all look forward to all week to enjoy time with friends, family, and the couch.

This past weekend was a quite a doozy for yours truly and the Jakeman.

Friday night, I chaperoned Jake's first date. Yes, I said Jake's first date. I wish I was exaggerating but alas, I am not. The kid actually went up to his "girlfriend" and asked her out to the movies. Here is a picture of the cute little couple:


We decided to go the El Capitan and watch "The Jungle Book" on the big screen. If you havent seen a movie at El Capitan, you really have to make an effort to do so - it is so much fun. Before the beginning of the movie, they have this guy come out with Baloo and do a little sing-a-long of "The Bare Necessities" and "I Wanna Be Like You" for everyone to get into the mood.
I swear, Disney movies are the best. A part of me really hates to admit it, but its true. I never noticed how many different movies the voice actors did in that time period. I know at least 3 people from the Jungle Book were in Robin Hood - just an observation.

After the movie, we head home because we have a long day on Saturday planned. What wasn't planned was this huge allergy/sinus headache that woke me up at 4:30am. So I was up, catching up on my TiVo watching when 7am rolled around and I had to get Jake up and ready for the day.

We had four things to do that day:
1) A friend of mine was running in a mini marathon, and much to his dismay, I was going to go support him, ok - yell at him to run faster
2) Go to the LA Kings Open House to buy tickets for the home opener and watch the open practice
3) Meet up with a friend at Santa Monica pier for lunch and a play date with Jake and her daughter (seriously, how many dates does my kid have in one weekend?)
4) Meet up with a group from Meetup.com for a bonfire at Dockweiler Beach

So off to do the yelling and screaming first at the Coliseum. I figure if we get there before the race starts, we can catch him early and then take off for the Kings stuff. So we get there right when the race started - we walked all over and found a map of the race. If I had been able to find a map of this thing before that morning, I would have parked my car near Staples Center and went on Figueroa to cheer him on because it got pretty close to where I was supposed to be. Instead Jake and I waited at the end of the race. We got back just in time to see the really fast people get in. Now, I wasnt sure how fast my friend runs and since they were having concerts along the race route, I wasnt sure if he was opting to stop along the route to enjoy the music. So I had no gauge to find out when he would be passing. Jake, learning that he must listen to his mother, is starting to complain about how hungry he is even though he passed up 3 offers for breakfast and is getting ancy for the hockey portion of the day. I stalled as much as I could and after seeing a kid with a mohawk, a dude wearing a leather vest and leather shorts, and a blind man all cross the finish line before my friend - I figured it was time to jet. Later I found out, that if we had waited about 10 minutes, we would have seen him pass. Oh well - next time we will bring the signs.

So off to the Kings event. Now, this marathon closed off a bunch of streets and made it such a freaking headache to get to Staples Center. Finally we arrive and go inside to see the practice. This is the place where I would put the really cool up close pictures I would have taken of the Kings players being 3 feet away from me. But, my battery died. :(

After the hockey thing, we jump in the car and head to Santa Monica. We walked along the beach towards the pier and had lunch at Hot Dog on a Stick. Amazingly enough, I had never eaten at the OG Hot Dog on a Stick. Those things never disappoint. We meet up with my friend and had a good time letting the kids play and chatting. After a while, I realize that maybe I should take my shirt off and just be in my tank top for the heat and tanning purposes. Later that night, when I look in the mirror, I will see that I took my shirt off a little too late. Oh well. I love going to the beach. Its one of those simple pleasures in life that I truly love. Jake and I sat and made a sand castle, ok I tried to make a sand castle, he decided that Megatron was going to destroy it.

After a while, we decided to blow off the bonfire and head home. We ended up getting chinese take out and prepared ourselves to watch the Kings preseason game against the Ducks - only to find out that they weren't showing it. I think we ended up watching some saved episodes of Mythbusters and called it a night. Happily - the day was over and the recovery had begun. My arms are itchy from the sun and now I have wierd tan lines - DAMMIT!

Embracing Your Inner Nerd

If you know me pretty well, you know that I love me some trivia. And to appease that love, I created a group on Meetup.com for other trivia lovers. Our first Trivia Night came and I walked away with one of those "only Melissa" stories that will live on....in my blog.

I was unsure how my first meetup event was going to go since 1) I had never hosted one and 2) I was attending my very first Pub Quiz nights. After failing to get some friends to join me for moral support, I faced it alone. I get there and introduced myself to the Quizmaster. He tells me that he had heard my group was coming and that as far as he knew, they hadn't shown because most people were regulars. Now, do you remember that feeling of being the new kid in school (or work) and for as much as you tried to be friendly the others well, weren't? Thats how it was for me for the first 30 minutes of being there. I walked over to people's tables to ask if the seat was taken and they would grab it and say "TAKEN!" or "Expecting someone!" I seriously have never seen people so wound up over trivia, and let me also say that it was just the beginning of that.

I walk to an open area of the bar and the Quizmaster graciously gets another table to be set up for me and my group, if anyone would show up. As the table is getting set up, this guy taps me on the arm and asks if I'm Melissa - I say yes and its my first group member Jack! I'm so happy to see someone show up! And all of a sudden, the Quizmaster and Jack are chatting it up like old college buddies. I soo love trying to figure out conversations that I'm not a part of. Jack is talking about meeting Brad and the Quizmaster is saying that he might be there and so might someone else. And Jack is talking about how he hadn't seen him since Millionaire....wait - what? Millionaire? Now I was putting the pieces together....apparently Jack had tried out for Who Wants to Be a Millionaire and some people from the quiz show rounds show up to this pub quiz. Then the Quizmaster looks at me and says "Do you know who this guy is?" And I say, "Well no actually, we are just meeting tonight but I'm assuming its Jack, right?" And the Quizmaster says, "Not just any Jack - but Jack!" Yeah, apparently, Jack is a 5 time Jeopardy Champion. WOOHOO!!! So we grab our table and all of a sudden Jack is talking it up with some guy. He introduces me to Bob. Bob makes a little joke asking if Jack and I are on a date. Then I ask Bob how he knows Jack. Apprently, Bob met Jack at the Jeopardy Tournament of Champions. Then Bob asks me if he can join my trivia team. Pull up a fucking chair Bob! I gots me 2 Jeopardy champions! By this time, 3 of my other meetup members have shown up and the games have begun!

Some of the questions that were asked, I kind of knew but most of this time a question was posed and I sat there sort of going "Ummm, uhhhhh - yes, I agree with that." But then, my moment finally came when the question was asked:

Quizmaster: "What primetime soap opera is narrated by Sean Astin and features characters named Flower, Zaphod, Hannibal, and Daisy?"
Me (jumping up and down in my seat) "MEERKAT MANOR! MEERKAT MANOR!"

I was proud of myself for that one. Sure, those Jeopardy champions could name the exact calendar year that the United States didn't have a Vice President in office but they didn't know Meerkat Manor. I needed my moment of glory, albeit a small one.

We ended up in a three way tie for 1st place and had to go through 3 tie breaker questions before coming in 2nd place. We wouldn't have been able to win anyways because we had 9 people on our team and the maximum allowed is 6, a fact that someone on another team kept reminding us of constantly.

We have our next meetup for trivia night in Pasadena next week and I'm really looking forward to it. I'll be happy to learn new things and get to know my new gang of fellow trivia lovers. In addition, I am a competitive person, I have no shame in admitting this. I have been mocked for it many many times. Its good to take the brain out and exercise it every now and then and see what your limits are. However, this night proved that 1) I need to commit even more useles knowledge to memory and 2) I will NEVER be good enough to be on Jeopardy. That dream has died, I will now concentrate on getting on Wheel of Fortune.

Did-Ney-Lan!

For my birthday, Jacob decided to invite me to Disneyland. What a great lad. I'm sure the fact that I had to pay for our entrances, drive, and be the adult in all this never quite crossed his mind.

A few days before our trip, he informed me of a few "requirements":

1) We have to be there before it opens

2) We have to ride Star Tours

3) We have to ride Pirates of the Carribbean

4) We have to go on the Finding Nemo Submarine Voyage

5) We have to go to Mickey's Toontown but not go on the Roger Rabbit ride

6) Under no circumstances are we to go on Its A Small World

Its a miracle what waving a trip to the Magic Kingdom would do to a 5 year old. In the past year, I could not for the life of me get Jacob to wake up before 8am. But this fateful day, the boy was ready to go at 6:45am. The park opens at 9am and we arrived about 8:40am. Growing up, my family would get there early and I think we would be with about 75 people tops waiting for the park to open. This morning - there must have been about 500 people there!

Look for yourself:

Crap! Jake was adament about going on these subs. I'm actually rather excited about them myself and trying to use my Disneyland knowledge (I know this park like the back of my hand) I figure there is one way to get to the subs quickly - lie and cheat my way to the front. So I grab Jake's hand and we start weaving our way through the line into the Penny Arcade. I figure I can go through the shops and land close to the front of the line and then make a beeline to Tomorrowland. Smart plan - right? We get to the candy store to find that the other store is closed - darn! So we head out with the people and formulate another plan. I got it! I whisper to Jake to play along and I pick him up. I start waving to an imaginary person and start excusing myself through the crowd

Me: "Pardon me, I have to get to the rest of my party. My mom is over there."

Jake: "Grandma's not here! Mommy, you shouldn't lie like that."

D'oh! Damn the good upbringing I'm instilling on my child. By the time all this happened, the park was about to open. So we stood our ground and I put Jake down I told him we were going to make a run for it. The park opens and we go.

Now - I have never in my life felt a level fear from being run over by stollers AND wheelchairs as I did that morning. Jake and I are running and I'm using all of the shortcuts I can think of to get the entrance of Nemo Subs. We get there and they are directing us to another entrance....near the entrance to Matterhorn - we are screwed! We make our way there and not only is the like about 250 people deep, but the ride opening is delayed. Jake and I decide to book it and get on Star Tours. I love 5 minute waits.

For the rest of the day, the wait for Nemo never went below one hour. Needless to say, we never made it. We rode Autopia twice, went on the teacups, and covered everything in Toontown (except for Roger Rabbit of course) before 11am.

For lunch, I wanted to surprise Jake and we ate at the Blue Bayou. For those of you who don't know the restaurant, its located in Pirates of the Carribbean. When you get on the ride and look to your left as you depart the dock, you will see people eating...that would be us. I swear, that restaurant is the bomb. I don't care that its overpriced even more than everything else - it rules.

After our lunch, we work it off by heading over to The Pirate's Lair and then jumped on the Explorer Canoes. No matter how old I get, I will always think those canoes are great. Especially when its about 100 degrees and you're stupid enough to be at Disneyland. Jake had a particularly good time too!

After the canoes, we headed back to Tomorrowland and noticed something going on at the Plaza Pavilion. They had this activity that was starting in about 10 minutes called Junior Chef. We hung around and low and behold, they have people come out and teach kids how to make cookies. We even got free cookies! Anything free in Disneyland is a high five in my book. Here are some pictures of Jake doing his chef thing.

The day finally came to and end and we had to throw one more ride in. Gotta ride the rockets!

I have to say that taking a kid (or kids) to Disneyland is so draining. I was praying to go home at 3pm and practically accused Mary Poppins of giving me attitude. Ok, I did accuse her, but not to her face, on a text to a friend. I wouldn't go at it with Mary Poppins - Daisy Duck, no problem, but not Mary Poppins.

Getting Back In The Saddle

Oh yeah - how easy it is to procrastinate with this thing. I swear, its not like my life has been quiet and I have nothing to write about...I just don't update it! Ok, enough of that bs - I'm just lazy.

Here is a quick recap before returning to our regularly scheduled program:

The Car Drama
So I'm driving my dad's car and other than the fact that it runs, its a vast improvement over my previous devil car. Why do you ask (or I'll pretend that you ask for narrative purposes)? Because the driver's side window works. Let me say that I never truly appreciated windows until these 2 weeks happened. I can get fresh air, I can do the "my arm is flying" trick while driving, and I can use the drive thru without shame! But the best part of this borrowed car is the fact that its a four door and Jake has the ability to roll down the window in the back. Reason being is that earlier this week, we were on the freeway coming home from work and school when I hear this scream, blood curdling scream as if he had gotten hurt. I look back and Jake is indeed crying his little heart out. I ask what happened and apparently his pencil (his favorite pencil of all time!) went flying out the window and he actually asked me to stop and go get it. I was trying to comfort him but quite frankly I could not stop laughing. I actually had to stop at 7-11 to buy him a slurpee to calm him down. The ease of bribing your child will never get old in my book.

George Clinton
A good friend (who is totally awesome and knows who he is and he knows that I think he's totally awesome) hooked me up with some tickets for the George Clinton concert a couple of weeks back at the Greek. Before going in, my friend and I made bets to see how many 1) white people were going to be there, 2) inappropriately dressed women were going to be there, 3) pimp suits were going to be seen, and 4) dancing that made us laugh out loud. I think we called off the bet before we even got inside. Moment of the night: when I rushed George Clinton and told him it was a great show - I would have gotten a picture but noooo, I forgot my camera. And by the way - why isnt this posted on YOUR blog...hmmmm?

Jacob and the Tooth Fairy
Since we last met up with Jacob and his trials of growing up, he has lost two of his bottom teeth. Let me say that doing the who Tooth Fairy routine really brings back memories of when I found out that the Tooth Fairy didn't exist. My brother can back me up on this one. I remember waking up and sticking my hand under my pillow looking for my dollar but there was nothing - no tooth, no dollar. The Tooth Fairy robbed me - the little bitch! So I did what any decent child would do...I screamed for my daddy. My dad runs in and I tell him what happened. He said that maybe I missed the dollar and it should be there...so he helps me look for it. I look to my left to see my dad put his hand in his pocket, then I look to my right while he moves the money from one hand to the other and slips it in between my bed and the wall. In my memory, its still very slow-mo (and cuts to dramatic reaction shots along the way). I was disheartened to say that least. Back to my child and his moment of fantasy - he had put his tooth in a ziplock back and put the bag under his pillow. Before I went to bed, I put a dollar in a ziplock and switched out the bags. In the morning, he woke up and pulled out the bag with the dollar and had this look of just sheer joy...its no wonder parents keep this fantasy alive for so long because so help me I'm still kicking myself for not getting a picture of his face that morning.

Oh Yeah, My Birthday
Earlier this week I had a birthday. Yay me. Birthdays have a tendency to have me re-evaluate everything and look at where I've been, where I am, and where I want to go. We'll see how this year turns out - so far, its looking good. I also kind of see birthdays like Christmas - I love the anticipation but when it actually gets there, its sort of a let down. I guess a part of me will always wish for Jake Ryan to show up in his little sports car and take me to his house where he has a birthday cake ready for me. Ahhh - fantasies that will never happen. But this birthday has been good - I have friends and family that care about me and I'm very lucky to have that. Another great thing about this birthday is that Jake "took" me to Disneyland to celebrate. Oh yes, that is another post. Stay tuned...

The Joys of Public Transportation

This past week was a test of wills. My wills. My will to have the patience to take public transportation to and from work everyday because of my car debacle. Luckily, I had a good book to read and it made it all bearable.

Unfortunately, the only time I didnt have my book - all hell broke loose. On my way home on Thursday, I realize after I've gotten on the train that I had left my book at work. So I decide to just sit back and people watch. I really have to thank the 65 year old man who played his guitar badly and sang even worse to entertain me. I'd also like to thank the abnoxious 5 year old that kept trying to sit on my leg to talk to her mother. Not only was she going anywhere she felt like, but she was rude to people around her. I didnt feel all that bad when I "accidentally" stepped on her foot as I got out of my seat to get off the train. Life sucks kid, suck it up.

I had opted to take a new way home and it worked out pretty well. So well, that I opted to do the same thing into work. My goal was to jump on the bus to Pershing Square in Downtown LA then hop on the Red Line to my exit for work. Sounded simple right? RIGHT?!?!

The day before, the bus had picked me up at Olive and 5th. So I was waiting for Olive and 5th the next morning. But Olive and 5th never came. See, I didnt realize that on the way down, the bus goes on Grand and on the way back it comes up Olive. This information could have been helpful, especially when I ended up being kicked off at the end of the line near Staples Center.

Here is the thing - I wasnt lost. I knew exactly where I was. But for a split second, I felt hopeless. I dont know why, I just did - the thought of calling my dad actually crossed my mind even though I knew there was nothing he could do about it. The bus driver was kind enough to tell me to walk up one block to Olive and most of the buses would pass by Pershing Square. I knew from my Kings game experiences, that I could have just walked up a few streets and caught the Blue line to 7th/Metro station and switch to the Red Line. I mostly just felt stupid for not paying enough attention and putting the 2 and 2 together to get off at 5th and walk over a few blocks to the station. Being oblivious is something I hate being, I need to know and I need to do. If I dont, I figure it out, then I do. I ask a few bus drivers if they indeed passed by Pershing Square and I did get a few no's with the doors slamming in my face (nice). Finally, I got a live one. As I was trying to put my dollar in, I was telling the driver about my mistake. He got a good laugh out of it and let me ride for free to the station.

I doubt any this would have happened if I had had my book because I would have been so freaked out about missing it, I would have paid more attention. The upside to all this is that I was able to see LA in a new light. I had never seen the Disney Concert Hall as well as the MOCA. I never realized just how busy LA is in the morning. Not to mention how balanced life seems to be, with coffee shop owners having breakfast ready for their patrons to workers arriving at the jobs just in time. It was nice to see that side of LA and realizing why I really do love this city so much with the absent-minded harmony we have with one another. I may have to ride the public transportation a bit more.

Well, I Guess I Was Due

Its been a good couple of weeks for yours truly.

Got a promotion at work. Been happily busy with Jake and friends. I have even been enjoying Tango with the weird Chinese guy snapping his fingers at me to dance with him (I wish I was kidding). And I can't forget to mention that Psych and My Boys are back on the air for the summer.

But this weekend, the Ying to my Yang caught up.

My devil car died on me. It didnt even have the decency to die in my parking spot! Oh no, it picked the off ramp on the 60 freeway in Chino to ask for its last rites. I knew I had been tempting fate for a while with my ride so it doesnt completely surprise me. And I should be grateful that I was with my parents (instead of alone with Jake) and near my friend's house when it happened. I just have no luck with vehicles as of late - so I'll be hitting the Metro all week. At least I have my latest Thursday Next novel to keep me company.

Now, if I could only find my damn debit card things could start looking up.

Movie Review: The Simpsons Movie

OK - one word: VERY FUNNY! Alright, that was two words.

Actually this review isnt about the movie itself (although I must say that I'm scarred for life where Bart is concerned). No, this review is more of a statement. I've come to be spoiled when it comes to movie going experiences. And this viewing of The Simpsons Movie proves it.

When I went to see Dreamgirls at the Arclight, I was surrounded by the people who would most appreciate the movie. Yes, those lovely boys who I wouldnt have dares shhh'd when Jennifer Hudson finished her take on that showstopping number - you guys know what I'm talking about.

When I went to see Transformers at the Arclight, I was surrounded by people who had the tenacity to hoot and holler and cheer when Optimus Prime said lines from the original cartoon. And yes, I mocked but deep down inside I wanted to be screaming too.

When I went to see The Simpsons Movie at the Santa Anita AMC - it was a mistake! There were times in the movie when I was laughing all by myself...and many of you have heard my laugh, it ain't pretty. I was shocked...no...dare I say appalled at the lack of humor in that crowd. There was no sense of camaraderie to experience these 2 hours together and watch an artist's vision come alive on the big screen. Nothing. Zip. Zilch. NADA.

I am making a stand now my loyal reader(s). Any movie that I have any sort of anticipation of seeing, I will only see at the Arclight. If a movie somewhat piques my interest, then I will consider going elsewhere (and probably end up paying a matinee price on a Sunday morning). The Arclight will now be my default theater for my movie going experiences.

I knew that those pesky crepes that are sold in the food court were going to be my downfall - damn you Santa Anita AMC and your liberal outside food policy, DAMN YOU!

America's Got Talent Made Jake Cry! BASTARDS!

I guess I shouldn't say America's Got Talent but more like the general American population that voted. Jake loves watching the show and he absolutely adored a band on there called "Jonny Come Lately". Jonny Come Lately's members are teenagers who play music from Elvis Presley, Queen, and The Stray Cats.

Needless to say, they were not voted through to the next round and Jake was visibly upset when the group SIDESWIPE (a martial arts troupe that got by on their abs) got the last spot in the finals. I wish I was kidding, I had to console the poor kid!

At least we got our votes in for Boy Britney this time around.

Not As Dumb As I Look

My car has been more drama in the past 6 months than in the 3 and change years that I've had it total. I've needed to get it smogged for my registration and if it wasnt one thing it was another. I finally had gotten the mysterious check engine light to disappear and now, it was time!

Now, remember my trip to Vegas a few posts down and how it leaked oil most of the way to and from Sin City? I kept an eye on the oil and decided before I go get it smogged, that I was going to get an oil change just to be safe.

So off I go to the local EZ Lube with my (expired) coupon for 40% off the full service deal. I know this coupon is expired but I'm going to use my negotiating skills that I've developed at work to make this happen.

When I arrive to the EZ Lube I'm greeted by a man who you know was a car salesman in his previous life. He introduces himself and explains the services they offer. I tell him that all I'm really interested in getting is an oil change and that I have my coupon. He looks at the coupon and says "Well ma'am, this coupon is expired. Let me check with my manager if we are able to accept it." He leaves and while he's gone, his group of merry men are chatting it up with me a bit. One guy is especially obvious that he's hitting on me, which is pretty good for the ego considering I just rolled out of bed to get cracking on my car errands for the day.

Mr Helperman comes back to inform me that they can't give me the coupon discount because its expired - however, I can go to the EZLube website and print out another coupon and bring it back to them. Now...why would a business send me home to get a coupon? This was going to be easier than I thought. I pulled out the doe eyes and say "But I dont have a printer at home." He looks at me and says, "Well, see here, there is a code at the bottom of the coupon that I need in order to give you the discount." I look him straight in the eye and say "If you only need the code, can't you just look at the coupon on the website to get the code and input it into your computer?" Yeah, got him with that one.

So he asks to pull my car in to do a check on it, I explain about the oil leak and that I just really want the oil changed for the smog check I'm on my way to. Yes, yes, I know - I screwed up with that one. They have me wait in the little waiting room and he comes in to tell me the services they are suggesting I get for "the good of my car". Most of everything he is suggesting "would improve my chances of passing the smog test". I love how they use fear to upsell. When I looked at the initial quote, my mouth actually dropped - $312.40. I walked in with a coupon for a $19.99 oil change people! So he's throwing all this stuff in there, like a free air filter and a free fuel injection somethingorother, which would bring the price down to around$200. Meanwhile, the guy that had been flirting with me is behind him mouthing the words - "Don't do it!" I swear it was a circus. And then, he showed his cards, he said "Well, I'll give you the discounted price for the full service oil change if you get these services."

HELLO! The elusive code appears.

I tell him that the only thing I will get is an air filter and he can go ahead and give me the discount that he knows I came in for. He's trying to call me on how he just can't do that. And I tell him its crap because I can see that he's inputting the code right in front of me. I'm doing him a favor by purchasing an air filter from him because I can easily go to Kragen's or Pep Boys and get one myself and change it out. He knows he's beat. The only other time I saw a salesperson's face fall so quickly was when I was trying to buy my first new car with my dad and the man had the audacity to try to negotiate with my father instead of me, even though it was my money. But thats for another time.

So after my oil change, I head over to the smog place. The nice men at the smog place told me that my car was a piece of shit and not to bother putting any more money into the engine because it might die on me any minute, including while they were doing the test. I hear them revving up my engine and I'm just praying it doesnt die. Pass or fail, I would like for my car to at least be able to drive me home. As I'm waiting for the results, it feels like I'm at the hospital waiting to hear how a loved one had come through a surgery. The tech walks in and the first thing I said was , "Pass, Fail, or car dead?" He said "Pass" and I yelled "Sweet Jesus!".

Oh, Happy Day!

Today was a good day...dare I saw GREAT day.

I love it when people show their appreciation and they are able to voice your value aloud.

Oh yes, absolutely, fabulous day.

MICHAEL BOOOOOBLAAAYYYY!!!

On Friday, I embarked on a journey.

Destination: Las Vegas
Mission: To See Michael Buble' In Concert

I have to admit some roadblocks that were laid out for my mission.
1) I was supposed to get tickets for his show in August at the Greek Theater, but the show sold out so fast, I wasn't able to buy any.
2) My devil car was getting a little work done and I actually didn't get it back until the night before I left town.
3) I wont lie - I was broke.

Friday morning, I pack the car with the kid and all of my stuff (including some laundry I could do there) to head to my brother's abode in beautiful and hot as hell Las Vegas. Between Baker and Stateline, I notice that my oil light has turned on. Hmmm...last time it did this - it had no oil. But I had JUST gotten it checked out - what was my devil car up to? I kept an eye on the oil light and realized that it wasn't just turning on to say hi -but something was up. So I turn off onto one of those exits that has a scary gas station where you feel you wont survive if crack a bad joke. We get out of the car and sure enough - I have a leak. I check the oil and it seems fine, but I put another quart in just in case and hop back on the freeway because Jake had already started the "Are we there yet?" routine about 20 minutes before. It was a godsend to see Stateline so I can finally say "YES! We are in Nevada!".

I get to my brother's house and we are waiting for my parents to arrive to eat. Finally they arrive and the weekend festivities begin. The next day, my cell decides to randomly call numbers. Like the phone is possessed or something - its closed and sitting on the floor when BAM, it starts calling a number. I take out the battery, the sim card, and even give it a few whacks for good luck and to no avail. The phone is inoperable. The only thing that works on the phone is the on/off button. Which, by the way, doesn't matter that the phone is completely turned off because my cell phone alarm still went off and now that I'm typing this, I think I'm going to take it to the church tomorrow to have it exorcised.

So Saturday night rolls around and my wonderful sister in law and I head to the concert at the MGM Grand. Now - I know that I am not the most punctual person. But there are a few times in my life where I want to be where I need to be at the precise time my ticket says to be. Most of those are hockey games, especially when Canadian teams are in town so I can hear their national anthem, but that is neither here nor there.

The show starts at 8pm. We arrive at the (packed) parking lot at 7:50pm. My sister in law can see that this is giving me some sort of tick and drops me off at the entrance of the arena at 7:58pm after circling the lot a few times with no success. I grab my ticket and run into the arena. Luckily there is an opening act, Jann Arden who was fabulous and funny as hell. But because I dont have my cell phone - I cannot call and tell Missy that she had time. Oh and did I forget to mention that my camera's battery died? Um yeah....

So Missy shows up right when Jann Arden is wrapping up and we have a few minutes to gather ourselves before the performance.

Now - let me say that I am not one of those ladies that will scream and swoon over a singer or actor. The last time I got all starry eyed was when I met Donnie "I was in New Kids On The Block" Wahlberg about 6 years ago at Universal Studios. And by starry eyed, I mean when I got in front of coworkers that knew who he was I actually did the clapping and jumping up and down thing and shrieked "OH MY GOD! I JUST SAW DONNIE WALBERG FROM NKOTB!" Nowadays, I will stalk quietly and subtly but I will keep it together for appearances sake. And you bet your ass that I will text everyone that I feel my sighting will have the same giddy response to it.

But then...then came Michael Buble'. Michael Buble' is in one word DREAMY. He's handsome. He sings. I learned that night that he's funny in a campy sort of way. And any man that refers to anything, especially himself, as fantabulous, cannot be bad in my book. This video is from a concert he performed and I can tell you that he had just finished running through the audience.



The concert was so awesome! I cannot begin to tell you how much fun we had laughing at his jokes and singing along to his songs. One of my favorite bits of the night was when he got offended that after his band played without him singing, everyone cheered really loud. He stood there and would stop singing and kept saying "But I'm the star! How can you cheer louder for them?" and then stormed off stage, throwing the microphone on the stage and everything. One of the trombone players got up and apologized for the "Buble' Diva" and proceeded to sing in his place because the show must go on! Of course Michael came back and the show continued. You can tell he was having a great time on stage and he is one hell of a performer. I may have to suck it up and buy a ticket to see him in LA next month.

And yes - I did go apeshit at the end of the show and started screaming for Michael to do the encore. I freely admit it!

SWEET VICTORY!!!

WE WON OUR GAME LAST NIGHT!!!!

This may not be a big deal to anyone not on our team but this was our very first win of the season. It went down in dramatic fashion no less - tied going into the top of the ninth inning. The opposing team scores three runs and we finally get them out to have our shot.

Vim - pops out

Rosemary - Walks

David - Single

Burhan - Single

Will - Lines Out

Bases loaded - 2 outs...Evan up to the plate - he has hit 2 homeruns in this game alone.

Evan - Doubles up the center

Two Runs score! We are down by one with the winning run on second base.

Adam up to bat....hits a loop past first - Burhan scores from third...they mishandle the throw, Adam is safe at first! Meanwhile, Evan is running from second base to score and sweet jesus we win!!! When I say that we jumped up like little kids and ran, yes, RAN into the field to celebrate - I am not exaggerating.

We looked like this:

I swear I was so happy, I nearly cried. I even called Jacob who was with his dad and told him....do you know what he said, "FINALLY!" No respect, even from the kid.

Who cares - WE WON!!! Two more games left and we play this team one more time. YAY!!!

Our Trip To The Kwik-E-Mart

Ever wonder how it would be to step into a Simpson's cartoon? Well, some 7-11's across the country are giving the people an opportunity to find out.

The one in Burbank is on our way home, so I opted to give it a whirl. Let me just say how entertaining it is to be in there! First of all, we had to wait in line to get in. I felt like I was waiting to go into a club with the rent-a-cop as the door man. I guess because of fire codes they could only have so many people in the 7-11 at a time, so when three people came out, three went in.

Got to meet Apu!

The don't miss the little details huh...


The food selection is amazing!



Even Jake found a new friend.

MMMM - DONUTS!


Short on cash? The Bank of Springfield looks like a good bet.

No Apu, thank YOU for the memories...THANK YOU...

A Reason To Random Drug Test Employees

Softball

We lost yet again last night. I hate the team we played and I mean HATE. I would rather listen to a speech made by Bush than to play this team H.A.T.E. I was convinced that their shortstop, pitcher, and catcher were drunk.

Thank goodness we only have 3 games left and its against teams we like to play.

Snow, Snow, Kick, Kick, Snow

Oh yeah...tonight I embarked on my 10 week journey of fabulous entertainment. I'm crossing something off of my life list - Learn How To Dance The Tango.

Yup, Iliana and I signed up at our local Parks and Rec office for this course and let me say - WOW. Nothing I can say can live up to the awesomeness of this class. Let me give you a little statistical lowdown.

Total people in class: 40
Women: 22
Men: 18
Over 50 years old: 85% of the class
Not Asian: Iliana, this girl Christa, a middle aged couple and moi.

Iliana's partner was 4'11", Iliana is 5'7"!!!! With her heels - he had a goood luck at the girls all night long. This was a particular conversation that transpired between them:

(After doing some outlandish moves, that are more for Salsa than Tango)
Mr 4-11: How much do you weigh?
Iliana: Um, why?
Mr 4-11: So I can pick you up?
Iliana: WHHHAAAATT?!?!?!
Mr 4-11: Like 120?
Iliana: I WISH!
And then while he would dance he would say "Slow, Slow, Quick, Quick, Slow" and then clap his heels together like Dorothy wishing to return to Kansas.
Meanwhile, Iliana was trying to overcome his unfortunate odor, that was a combination of garlic and b.o. (her words not mine!)

As for me, I lucked out in the partner department. I met Jerry - an asian man in his mid-40's who was rather light on his feet. And who would say "Snow, Snow, Kick, Kick, Snow!" as we moved along the dance floor doing the promenade and the fans; which Iliana and I will never EVER learn properly because our partners DONT KNOW HOW TO DO IT RIGHT!

I wonder if Netflix has a How To Tango DVD...

BUT the best part....was when Iliana's partner ASKED HER OUT! Yes....

ASKED
HER
OUT

To a club to "practice their moves". I remember this same scenario in Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. I wonder if it would turn out the same way for Iliana and Mr 4-11. You know, end up kicking ass on a national televised dance-off against the mean rich girl. When does Paris get out of jail again?

What do you give a screaming child in a restaurant to make him stop?

BUTTER!!!

Well - at least it worked for Bruce

Best Fight Scene - EVER!

There is cheese and then there is CHEESE!

Derry might move up a few spots on my myspace Top Friends section for sending me this. I know Evan is going to love it - oh yeah Evan, I went there! p/s Tell (ask nicely) your wife to call me back.

Highlights:
1) The conveniently oiled up chests
2) The backspring somersault
3) "Yeah, See Ya!"

ENJOY....

Oh Those Damn Ducks!

What sucks more?

Your child selling out to the Ducks ~OR~ Considering selling out yourself

Game 3 is tonight and I'm actually tempted to cheer for the DU...C...K...S. Typing it was harder than I thought.

A friend texted after their Game 2 victory that they have a solid shot of doing this. I agree! Ottawa hasnt been able to keep up and Giggy is back on his game. I'm not discrediting the Ducks being a good team - they are. They have enough experience to drive to the net and go for the win (unlike the Kings who I am still pissed at they sent Mattias Nostrom to the Dallas Stars, even though we did get Jack Johnson - was still a horrible move that probably wouldn't have happened if they didnt sell out and gotten Rob Blake to come back to LA to fill the "name" requirement that disappeared when Luuuuuc retired).

So if you are a die hard fan and your rival shows up in the big show - do you suck it up and cheer for them because they are the best team or do you stick to your guns?

Let me know because I have to practice my quacks for tonight's game.

Lost Your Mojo?

Rite Aid has everything! And at reasonable prices.

We should alert Austin Powers.

Introducing - TUNAK!!

This is just full of awesomeness...

Softball!!

I've been sitting at my computer trying to figure out how to type up my feelings on my softball team. Its been a whole 5 minutes and I'm drawing a blank. Usually, when I have a blog to post, its basically written in my head by the time I get to the keyboard - but not tonight!

Lets just list the items that come to mind and see how that goes:
1) We have played 4 games and we are 0-4.
2) We have been mercy ruled 3 of those 4 times.
3) We play at a park that is frequented by transexuals and lets just say that Jake had quite an interesting look on his face on our first night at the park.
4) I finally got a hit last night!! I got a single and ended up scoring a run. And yes, when I got to first I started screaming, "I got a hit! I got a hit!" While standing at 2nd base, the second baseman jokingly told me to calm down - I told him to relax and let me relish my moment.
5) Some people take softball REALLY seriously.
6) Apparently, its a tactic for other girls on the teams to wear really short shorts and a push up bra in lieu of a sports bra. I may have to rethink my wardrobe.
7) If you are standing in right field - you dont get many balls hit to you...unless the guy is a lefty and shoots a line drive right at your head!
8) When I was the catcher, I was told to talk trash to get into their heads. Apparently, my teammates didnt mean flirting with the players.
9) If you are playing catcher, you can inhale really hard and get a good contact high from the guy on his bike behind the fence.
10) Is it a normal for someone to basically pass out from exhaustion when you get home from playing a game? Just asking

Reason 10,436 Why I Love My Kid

Conversation that Jacob and I had while watching the Red Wings/Ducks game on Sunday afternoon.

Jake: Mom - who are you cheering for?
Me: Hmm - probably the Red Wings - why? Are you cheering for the Ducks?
Jake: Of course! If the Kings arent playing - then I'm going to cheer for the Ducks!
Me: But you cant cheer for the Ducks if you are a Kings fan...its called a rivalry. If I had to choose between the Red Wings and the Ducks than I choose the Red Wings.
Jake: But you dont have to choose - you can just cheer for the Ducks, like me!
Me: You know, you are right - I shouldnt have to tell you who to cheer for. No one should. You have to make that choice on your own and decided what you like and what you dont like, just as long as you try everything out, right?
Jake: Right mommy.
Me: But there is one thing we do agree on right?

Jake takes a long moment to think about it...

Jake: Yes! Bush is an idiot!

The Royal Treatment

This morning I had my physical. Ahh - physical - with the physical comes an annual exam that tends to humiliate about 50% of the population.

I show up to the offices bright and early, almost excited to get rid of this thing on my "To Do" list. As I'm waiting in the exam room, this very cute boy comes in and introduces himself as Chris. Chris is a 3rd year med student that is going to be taking my history and answer any questions I may have before the exam actually begins.

I'm really too enthralled with Chris's boyish good lucks to realize that I'm answering his questions in a flirty/sarcastic way. I've almost convinced myself that Chris is flirting back! Is he really? How old is he? Is this professional? If it isnt, do I really care? No, I don't.

I answer the sex questions.
I answer the trick questions to find out if I'm depressed or not.
I answer the exercise/diet questions.

I'm almost home free!

He excuses himself while I change. My doctor comes back and asks me if I have any problems with Chris doing the actual exam...Chris...my cute doctor boy! I resolve that this would be my lot in life and say its fine. I do have a hard time actually "giving him access" because I've realized who Chris reminds me of. As I'm laying there, I'm thinking "Prince William is giving me a pap".



Nice knowing you William - you owe me dinner and a few drinks.

Whats the best way to perk up a Sunday?

Have a cute (younger) guy ask for your number at the supermarket.

I'm Famous!

I got on Pink is the New Blog!



Hey Anna - look at the bottom of the screen shot...LOL, I wonder what Melissa does all day at work...hmmmmm?

Ice, Ice Baby

I forgot a cardinal rule in first aid care for injuries - ice first then heat. That little trick would have saved me a week of aches and pains.

Last Saturday morning, while trying to do the lazy/stubborn thing of bringing all of my laundry up in one trip, I forgot to lift with my legs and thus lifted with my back. I immediately grabbed my back in agony and slowly took the hamper up, step by step, to my apartment on the 2nd floor. After I got there, I laid down on my bed and tried to relax and make the pain go away but to no avail.

I went downstairs to ask my neighbor for some advice since he suffers from back pain and he had a few suggestions. I'm sure the ice thing was said by people, but I didnt hear it. He gave me a heating pad thing that I could put on my back and as I went out the door for a birthday party, I slapped it on and went on my merry way. Now this thing was really helping - I was able to stand and even be rather charming. When I got home, I went to bed in hopes of feeling better and getting over this pain by Monday.

Oh I was so wrong.

Sunday, I basically stayed in bed all day - watching Battlestar Gallactica on dvd (I am not a geek! It was recommended highly by several friends). And the pain continued...it wasnt just soreness but actual pain! Pain when I sat up, pain when I got up, pain pain pain!

Monday rolls around and I go to work. Today is a bit better - I can sit and walk but I cant do any sudden movements or stand up with any sort of speed or grace. One of my coworkers recommends those icy/hot pads to put on my skin to help with the soreness.

Let me state that Icy/Hot pads are the freakiest things ever. One minute they are cool, then all of a sudden hot. Yes, I got the wise ass remarks of "duh, icy/hot is in the name" but seriously! I felt like I was going through menopause!

I'm finally just sore in one specific spot and I can run up the stairs, not that I have any need to run anywhere. I feel like I learned a major lesson about the importance of icing an injury. Just like my cousin learned one about which one is right: acid to water or water to acid.

Things To Do When You Are At Home Taking Care Of Your Sick Child

- Wash Dishes
- Fix vacuum cleaner CHECK!
- Check Email CHECK!
- Clean Bathroom
- Watch Oprah CHECK!
- Admire yourself for fixing vacuum cleaner CHECK!
- Forget to mail Netflix back because you need to find out if Commander Adama is ok from the Battlestar Gallactica season 1 finale CHECK!
- Clean Living Room
- Get your ass kicked by your 5 year old on Game Cube CHECK!
- Give up on the hold out to turn on the AC when its not even June yet because its 90 freaking degrees outside CHECK!
- Mop Kitchen

Lots of things I got done...of course none of the important ones...oh well!

Martinis + Empty Stomach = Not Good

Yes, that maybe something that should have occured to me before I pounded 5 French Martinis down...but it didn't. It did however, occur to me after I was sick for most of the night.

Now, normally I wouldnt post this story because well, I dont want stories of myself sick and drunk flying around the net...but something happened that night that in the end, could only happen to me. So let me start at the beginning.

A group of coworkers and I went out for drinks on a fateful Friday night. I hadnt eaten because 1) it was Friday during lent and everything in front of me was made of meat and couldnt prepare for the night of intoxication and 2) wasnt planning to do all that drinkin'! This bartender was making these martinis that were so yummy and I was wrapped up in some conversation that I just kept drinking..and drinking...and...well you get the picture. We opted to move to another bar and as we were getting ready to go - I stand up and realize...damn...I had too many martinis.

So off we go to another bar. And there I am - drunk walking down Hollywood Blvd. I turn to Rozi and we were just having a grand time looking at the people (yes, I know the irony that I was laughing at someone else). And I stop and say "I want to talk a picture!" then I find my prize - Vin Scully's star. It was perfect! The Dodgers had just started their season and it was in the air to do something spontanous. So I lay down and proceed to hug Vin Scully's star, on Hollywood Blvd, on a Friday night, and I'm drunk.

Now, you would think that the infamy of that night would stop there because really...what else could go wrong right?

After she takes the shot (and I'm still on the floor laughing my ass off), I hear "PRIMA?!?" Which means "Cousin" in Spanish. Yup, my cousin is at his part time job of parking cars and I happen to pick THE ONE SPOT that he would be at to do this. He comes over and helps me up and makes a wisecrack about my state of mind. I hug him and walk away...knowing full well that he's going to call his sister, who is going to call her mother in Guatemala, who will call my aunt in New York, who will most definitely call my dad here and tell him what happened. CRAP.

So we make our way to our watering hole and I sit down to try to calm my stomach down. Meanwhile, one of my cohorts makes a wisecrack at the bouncer and she's no longer welcome in the bar...while another coworker tries to sort it out we are all asked not to enter the establishment! I havent even had a drink inside and I'm already being kicked out? WTF?

After some smooth talking and some ass kissing we are let in...and I head to the restroom to make my peace with the porcelain god.

The next day, I had to fess up to my dad what happened. I would rather have him hear it from me than from my aunt. But what do you suppose happens? HE CALLS MY AUNT TO TELL HER! Damn him.

SHUT UP! Its been a month?

Ok - so maybe the people have a reason to a little upset with me that I havent posted. Sorry folks! Much stuff has been going on - some good and some not good but c'est la vie.

We have soldiered through and survived!

I promise (really this time) a new and more dedicated poster. I have some stuff that has happened that will be posted and other stuff that will be left untold. But in the end - you get what you want, me posting...that is if you are still out there.

Upcoming on the blog!
~ I realize (yet again) why I don't drink martinis
~ Softball has started and I'm assigned "Backup Outfielder", which is sort of pathetic because its softball.
~ HEROES rules as THE BEST show on television...
~ Watching cartoons with a 5 yr old gets more interesting when you add your own storylines.
~ You have to lift with your legs...not your back...a hard lesson to learn.

What's wrong with this picture?

What do you see when you see this picture? What is the FIRST thing that pops into your mind?

Yeah...thats all I'm sayin' without having to spell it out for people.

P/S Its the World's Tallest Man and he got himself a wife.

You know what song I'm thinking about?

ITS A SMALL WORLD. Yup, yes it is.

Last night after my softball practice (um, yeah, dont ask), the Jakeman wanted to go to the rink and watch the roller hockey game. While we were sitting there watching the game, I noticed that one guy had a jersey with a last name on the back of it. A strangely familiar last name. So I called a friend to see if she knew what had happened to this person we last saw 12 years ago in high school.

I got her voicemail, where I might add, I proceeded to leave a rambling message that only a few people are priviledged to receive from me. So after I hung up, I wondered how curious I was to see if this was the same person from high school. I asked the girl sitting the stands if she knew the team in black - no luck. She suggested that I just scream the name to see if it was him. Normally, I would not be opposed to screaming random guys' names in parks - however, I was tired and even though I was curious, I wasnt that curious. Then there was a breakaway and my mystery man had the puck. I swear I heard his name called by his teammate. And I wasnt hallucinating because Jacob heard it too. So now...the curiosity was hitting its zenith. I was getting ready to scream the name but by this time, the game was over. Lucky me.

So Jake and I get up and walk around to the bench to see if it sthe guy. I walk up to him and I say "Excuse me, are you..." and he screamed "MELISSA!"

Now - here is my issue with this.

Not that its awesome that someone remembers me after 12 years but someone remembers me after 12 years! Do I look exactly like I did in high school? I had to think and make sure make phone calls for goodness sake and after that it was mostly the facial hair that threw me off but still.

Anyways, we did a quick catchup and since he plays at that park every week, I'll see him next week after my softball practice. YAY!

Its a small world after all!

Well...that was fun in a creepy way.

Our office has great windows and with great windows come great views.

The rains came and went rather quickly not too long ago and with it a path of destruction. Yes, I actually suggested we call the local news to report what we saw.

Down the street, a building has a huge Apple iPod advertisement...you know, the type that are made out of fabric and are basically draped on the side of the building. And when the rains came, so did the wind and it ripped that puppy to shreds. Then the birds started flying all weird...like an earthquake was on its way. About 15 people gathered in our lunch room to watch.

It was fun!

Bitching from the East Coast to the West Coast...

The complaining has been clear – what, calling me and asking me how I’m doing does nothing for you?

Damn…ok, I’ll post.

Even my brother, who doesn’t even bother to call his own mother on her birthday, called to complain about the blogging. And I’m not even mentioning the daily harassment I get from Anna on IM.

Here is a quickie that I've been dying to put up...

Last week – I got probably the best giveaway at a hockey game ever. Ladies and Gents – Mr. Chazz Michael Michaels.

Oh yes, the Kings got in on promoting Will Farrell’s new movie, Blades of Glory. As you may recall (probably not because I’m the only one that can recall what I have or have not put in the blog) I talked about this movie when it was first put on E!Online and the countdown on my desk has begun! Not only were they giving out a crapload of Blades of Glory stuff at the game – those funny dudes that do the Real Men Of Genius came out and did one for Mr. Chazz Michael Michaels. Now, I’ve tried finding this mp3 online and apparently its not out yet, but its just a matter of time since I heard it on KROQ on Monday. So here goes:

Today we salute you Mr. Chazz Michael Michaels. (Mr. Chazz Michael Michaels)
You made it ok for every man in America to wear skin tight leotards and fly through the air with reckless abandon. (You can fly!)
Being a professional figure skater doesn’t necessarily mean that you stink at football, basketball, or every other sport (yes it does)
And when you skate well, you are a crowd pleaser. And when you crash your partner into the wall, you are a crowd pleaser too.
So here’s to you Chazz Michael Michaels, you may never get a medal, but sequins are shiny too. (Mr. Chazz Michael Michaels!)

Being Afraid of My Guatemalaness - LMFAO!

Found this little ditty on Yahoo - golly I love my people.

Priests to purify site after Bush visit
By JUAN CARLOS LLORCA, Associated Press WriterFri Mar 9, 12:20 AM ET

Mayan priests will purify a sacred archaeological site to eliminate "bad spirits" after President Bush visits next week, an official with close ties to the group said Thursday.

"That a person like (Bush), with the persecution of our migrant brothers in the United States, with the wars he has provoked, is going to walk in our sacred lands, is an offense for the Mayan people and their culture," Juan Tiney, the director of a Mayan nongovernmental organization with close ties to Mayan religious and political leaders, said Thursday.

Bush's seven-day tour of Latin America includes a stopover beginning late Sunday in Guatemala. On Monday morning he is scheduled to visit the archaeological site Iximche on the high western plateau in a region of the Central American country populated mostly by Mayans.

Tiney said the "spirit guides of the Mayan community" decided it would be necessary to cleanse the sacred site of "bad spirits" after Bush's visit so that their ancestors could rest in peace. He also said the rites — which entail chanting and burning incense, herbs and candles — would prepare the site for the third summit of Latin American Indians March 26-30.

Bush's trip has already has sparked protests elsewhere in Latin America, including protests and clashes with police in Brazil hours before his arrival. In Bogota, Colombia, which Bush will visit on Sunday, 200 masked students battled 300 riot police with rocks and small homemade explosives.

The tour is aimed at challenging a widespread perception that the United States has neglected the region and at combatting the rising influence of Venezuelan leftist President Hugo Chavez, who has called Bush "history's greatest killer" and "the devil."

Iximche, 30 miles west of the capital of Guatemala City, was founded as the capital of the Kaqchiqueles kingdom before the Spanish conquest in 1524.

LULZ

Ok - this is too funny not to post. I had some reservations when my brother sent this to me but it was worth it...This is "A Beginners Guide To Faking Your Death On The Internet". ENJOY!

I'm back!

WOOHOOO!!!

Back to the warm, sunny weather! Back to the 405 emails that awaited me at work! Back to the Britney Spears baldness!!!

I'll post pictures and narrative of my adventure...oh yes my friends...adventure.

nooooooooo!

Why the hell am I flying towards the cold wintery weather?!?

WHY? WHY? WHY?

oh yeah, I remember now. Stupid Valentine's day.

I dont know if I'll blog while I'm on my trip...so.......

p/s Anna I'm at the airport checking the progress of the ANS story at the stupid internet station...so sad.

pp/s HI SCOTT!

Happy Belated Birthday Kelena!!

No - I didnt forget, my phone call to you on Saturday proves it! But I've been having major blog, internet, phone and overall issues (which will be discussed in another post)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY FRIEND!!!

I'm sorry I couldnt make the soiree in Vegas - I hope you tipped the strippers well, I mean you and they sounded like you guys were having a ball and no, I dont know what I would do with 5 pounds of vaseline...am I making this up because your husband and his crew are reading this and I can screw with him? Maybe.....

One more because I know you can take it...here is your card:

This Week's Events

Quite the eventful week we got going on.

Mexico lost to the US in soccer (yes I know, please contain yourselves). Since I was at my uncle's house for my cousin's birthday dinner, I knew to keep my mouth shut since I wanted to eat, but the US deserved the win...even if the ref should get an assist on Donovan's goal.

Anna Nicole Smith DIED! I’ll admit that my first thought was that she faked her own death so she can get away from the legal babble she’s in, I’m not proud of myself but I’m not the only one who has these thoughts run through my head. And yes, I'm somewhat obsessed by this. Again, not proud of myself.


Jake got glasses – doesn’t he look cute?










He freaking loves those glasses. Every night, he puts them in the case he got them in and then he puts that under his pillow. Yes - you can say awwww. Stop rolling your eyes - I dont brag much! Ok some..but not much!

LOST is back! What do you think? I’m intrigued and am willing to give it a shot again and yes Scott, I know now the whole “bus thing” was from Final Destination and not from Nip/Tuck.

Colts Schmoltz!

Yeah, so what that the Colts won the Superbowl - I WON MY FOOTBALL POOL!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANNA!

Today's post is dedicated to a loyal reader - Miss Anna.

WELCOME TO THE CLUB! Its all downhill from here but I tell ya, its one of the best rides ever (ok, next to the zamboni)!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Movie Review: Little Miss Sunshine

Saturday night, I was still recovering from Friday night. Recovery is also known as pajamas by 6pm and watching a movie in my hood- damn I'm getting old.

My friend and I decided to watch Little Miss Sunshine and boy it was worth the effort of pressing the "BUY" button on the OnDemand screen. I had heard lots of good things about this movie and have been wanting to watch it for a while now. This movie made me cry (which frankly isnt that hard to do), laugh (ok, not hard to do to either), and, well, I lost count the times either one of us said "I cant believe they did that!".

The best scene of the movie is at the end, when they finally arrive at the Little Miss Sunshine pageant and Olive is going to do her "talent". If you havent seen the movie - go get it and watch it, it worth it. If you have seen it, you know you want to see this again.

Harry Freakin' Potter!

Thats who I thought of when I woke up the other day and found this on my forehead.



I feel like i should be on my toes waiting for Voldemort to show up and terrify the bejesus out of me.

Speechless - yea me, speechless

So Knuck sent me this and I finally got around to watching it today and words cannot describe what I saw. Let me just state that 1) these gals REALLY needed Cirque de Soleil and 2) they either were freaks or really popular with the boys.





P/S I dont know if I would really like the talent of being able to touch my ass to my head - would be interesting though.

Yeah baby - a FEATURED profile

Dont burst my bubble on this!

I have posted before about JOBSTER - which is this networking site that was launched last year. I've had a profile on there for about a month and today my friends, I have arrived!

I'm a Featured Profile!

Feast your eyes on this!

Ok - so you cant see it very well, but I'm the 2nd from the right on the 2nd line.

Scott said this was better:

The one of a kind Scotty-poo helped me with this. And when my curiousity asked "How did you do that?" His response: Can a beautiful sunset explain how it is? It can't its just a gift from God, like me, I am that awesome.

Its no wonder we are friends.

What to blog about today?

Since I havent posted in a while, I wondered what the hell I was going to talk about.

1) My lack of tv viewing?
2) My wonderful eggplant parmagiana that I made on Monday night?
3) My crappy little car that needs its tags renewed?
4) My kid that is obsessed with the Dreamgirls soundtrack (just as I am)?

No no...I'm going to talk about the book I finally got around to finishing in the wee hours of the morning. That book is The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon. Holy crap people! This is one of the best books I have ever read. I actually got this book during my long layover in Atlanta during Thanksgiving weekend but I havent found the time to actually dedicate to getting lost in the pages of the story. Last night, I opted to get in a few chapters in the hopes of at least getting out of the page 300 area and I got sucked in that I finished that 500ish page novel by this morning at 7am.

The Shadow of the Wind is the story of a boy named Daniel who is taken by his father, who owns a bookstore, to a place called the Cemetery of Books. The legend is that the book he choses is the book that will be a part of his soul. He finds a book called "The Shadow of the Wind" by Julian Carax and after staying up all night reading it, he has to find other books that Carax has written. The digger he deeps, he realizes that something beyond him is going on. Slowly he finds that all the books that Julian Carax are being systematically destroyed leaving Daniel with the only copy of the author's work. With that, he also gains a mysterious figure who watches him and threatens him - going by the name of a character from the book who is the devil in disguise. Not only that but as Daniel looks into Julian's past, he cant help but notice the similarities between his life and Julian's.

OOOOOOOOOO - I know!

Its even better than that! The characterizations are wonderful and unforgettable. A little more history of this book is that it was originally published in Spain and it was such a big hit over in Europe, that they brought it over to the US. A couple of my coworkers recommended it to me and when I got to a major plot twist I literally screamed "SHUT UP!" and Jacob being the only person in the room with me thought I was yelling at him. I had to explain that I was talking to the book and that only got me a roll of the eyes. Since I didnt have any of my coworker's numbers, I resorted to calling the only person I felt would understand - my dad. He just laughed at me and asked me how long until I was done. My dad has been waiting for me to finish it so he can properly steal it from my apartment...just like he did "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time"

If Anna wont listen to the IM....

Maybe she'll listen to the blog.

Sign up for JOBSTER - its the new myspace!

WOOHOO!! I WON! I WON!

I was on KROQ this morning! Scotty poo heard me!

I won tickets to the Kings game this weekend!

But I cant go!

And I'm still using exclaimation points!

Movie Review: DREAMGIRLS

OH.MY.GOD

Run to see this movie. Believe the hype about Jennifer Hudson. This movie was so incredibly good. I got to see it in the Dome at the Arclight (first time there, yay!) and it added to the experience.

The movie stealing Jennifer Hudson has her show stopping rendition of "I'm Telling You I'm Not Going" and by golly I sat there and just started to cry for the woman. Click below to listen to it!




If you dont know the story of DREAMGIRLS, this movie is actually a remake. In the original, Jennifer Holliday, played the role of Effie White and her rendition is considered the best. I found it and you can listen and compare for yourselves.

Those Last Minute Gifts

As I stood in line at Target last night, I looked around at everyone carrying potential Christmas (of Festivus) gifts, along with wrapping paper, candy, and decorations that will fill their heart with joy. I was thinking about how people go crazy to make the holidays "just right" for their families, friends, and themselves.

Then as I was paying for my items, I look at the guy behind me and it seemed like he had his priorities in order.

He only had two items to purchase - condoms and KY jelly.

Cock or Dick?

Justin Timberlake was the host on SNL a couple of nights ago and he did a digital short. In the spirit of Christmas, I'm sharing this holiday song. Enjoy! Its hilarious! I need to figure out how to put this as my new ringtone.

OH and be careful if you are at work - dont say I didnt warn ya.

A Gift For That Special Caveman In Your Life

One of my favorite coworkers, Kerry, found this "browsing" on Amazon and I just couldnt pass up the opportunity to entertain my readers.


THE MANGROOMER!

If this isnt good enough- they give you a pictorial that includes the picture on the right.

And the best part (I know, how can you get past the pictorial, right?), instructions on How the MANGROOMER Can Improve Your Life:

Look and Feel Clean and Manicured -- Eliminating unsightly back hair presents a more refined, clean image to others.
Confidence -- Increase your confidence knowing that you are "back hair free" and no one will be staring or snickering at you, or get turned off by unsightly back hair.
Romance -- Start up that spark in your relationship or marriage by surprising your partner with a smooth, sexy back.
Muscle Definition -- Shaving the hair off your back shows your muscle definition in much greater detail. You'll simply look in better shape after using the Mangroomer.
Sweat -- Keep your back shaved clean and help keep your back dry with less sweat and less chance for body odor.
First Impressions -- As the saying goes, you only get one chance to make a first impression. Don't let back hair ruin the image you are trying to project.
Summer Essentials -- When your shirt is off this summer, no back hair is a big plus. Whether you're at the beach or a pool party, use the Mangroomer to avoid embarrassing, hairy-back jokes.
Avoid Embarrassing Public Treatment Options -- With the Mangroomer you can shave your back privately, easily, quickly, painlessly, and inexpensively by yourself, in the comfort of your own home.

I can't pick my favorite reason...I wonder how the person who wrote the copy for this felt. I'm imagining it being a woman and having to ask her hairy coworkers for personal reasons to use this product. I'm loving this more and more.

My Secret Shame

There is a movie that I love to watch and I hate...HATE to admit it. I've started talking to my cousin about it and he laughs at me - its one of those "its so bad its good" movies. **cough**SHOWGIRLS**cough***

Well my fans in internet land - I have found something else to be shameful about and I'm not going to hide it. I love this song, I find myself humming it throughout the day at work. If I hear it on the radio, I sing along.

From me to you - Fergie with FERGILICIOUS

I'm a dumbass (again)

I manage to reiterate to the world that I can be a dumbass a few times yesterday, much to the enjoyment of my friend Iliana who was enjoying it way too much through IM as I sent her messages with updates of the situation.

Here is the story:
Last week, I needed to schedule a service call for the gas in my apartment. I received an email and I made a mental note that it was on Wednesday, Dec 13th. Tuesday morning I call my landlord and told him that I had made an appointment with the gas company and that if would let the service person into my apartment sometime between 9am - 12pm. Yay, great, no problem.

At about 12:30pm, I call the landlord and ask him if the gas man showed, the answer was NO. Well, those bastards! The landlord tells me that maybe he missed him and he'll go check to see if they left a note on my door. I told him not to bother that I'll call and reschedule for sometime next week. While on hold to talk to a representative, I pull up the email that confirmed my appointment. "We will be there on TUESDAY..." MOTHER EFFER!

Now - I realized that I missed my appointment, GREAT! So, about this time the representative answers the phone and asks how she can help me. I give her my details and tell her that I need to reschedule my service appointment. She said, "reschedule?" and I said, "yes" then I proceed to ramble on (like a dumbass) about how I missed the appointment because I thought it was today and I was too embarassed to tell my landlord that I had mistaken the day and would just like to reschedule. Then she says, "Ma'am, your appointment is for TUESDAY, DECEMBER 19th. Would you still like to reschedule?"

You know when you have one of those moments when you get this overwhelming urge to just get under the desk or disappear from the sheer horror of realizing that you are a dumbass? Yeah, that was me.

I moved it up a day to up to the chances of feeling that way again.

Never A Dull Moment With That Boy

Every morning, Jake and I listen to KROQ on the drive to work and today was no exception. They were replaying some favorite moments and they were talking about their annual tradition of calling QVC and buying whatever is on the screen at that moment for Lisa May (Kevin and Bean's gal pal if you dont listen). In the past, Lisa May has received some crappy gifts and was hoping for something better this time around. They called QVC and asked the representative what the item on the screen was - turned out that it was a television worth over $4,000. Kevin and Bean were outraged and (obviously) didnt want to pay. They eventually folded and agreed to make the purchase. Turned out it was all a hoax put on by Lisa May and Ralph (another show cohort).

So after laughing hysterically, I asked Jake if he understood what happened and he said sort of.

So this is the conversation:

Me: "Ok, first do you know what QVC is?"
Jake: "No"
Me: "Its a channel on television that you can watch and they put different items on the screen that you can buy. When you see something you like, you call the number and buy it over the phone and then they deliver it."
Jake: "Really?"
Me: "Yes, really."
Jake: "What do they sell?"
Me: "Lots of stuff - clothes, jewelry..."
Jake: "Toys?"
Me: Yes, toys"
Jake then gets this grin on his face that he's had from the day he was born and I knew he was going to be trouble.
Me: "Jake, dont get any ideas."
Jake: "What? I didnt say anything."
Me: "I saw that look on your face. You were thinking about figuring out how to buy something huh"
Jake: "Well, yes."
Me: "And what did you want to buy?"
Jake: "Something expensive."

Parenting Note - Cell Phones and 5 yr olds

Don't....DO NOT...under any circumstances leave your cell phone with your 5 yr old in hopes to comfort him while he's at school when he doesnt want to stay.

Dont fall for the eyes and dont fall for the quivering lip that accompanies all that.

I've gotten 4 calls and 2 voicemails so far.

Getting to Know Your Friends - Xmas Edition

Welcome to the 2006 Holiday Edition of Getting to Know Your Friends! You know the drill. Highlight, copy, and paste (not forward) and change my answers to your answers. Be sure to send back to me. Enjoy! Everyone has time for a few moments of fun! Don't be a scrooge!!

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Hot Chocolate
2. Does Santa wrap presents or just set them under the tree? Set them under the Tree
3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? Colored
4. Do you hang mistletoe? Nope
5. When do you put your decorations up? Usually the week before Christmas or else I get burnt out on the holiday.
6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? Tamales, yum, yum, yum
7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child: Thinking that I actually saw Santa and his reindeer’s shadow
8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? My mom and dad took my brother and I to brunch and told us –we were 14 and 12 (we already knew though)
9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Christmas Eve
10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree? The usual lights, ornaments,
11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? Love it
12. Can you ice skate? Yes – with the help of the wall.
13. Do you remember your favorite gift as a child? My LA Kings Kelly Hrudey Jersey
14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you? That I spend it with family and friends
15. What is your favorite holiday dessert? Bread Pudding
16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Watching my father finally finish the nativity scene or making fun of my mother’s inability to bake any sort of bread to accompany the meal (this also applies to Thanksgiving).
17. What tops your tree? An angel
18. Which do you prefer giving or Receiving? Are we still talking about presents?
19. What is your favorite Christmas Song? Jingle Bell Rock
20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum? YUM!
21. Gift Cards- thoughtless gift or convenient gift? I used to think they were thoughtless – now very convenient
22. Rudolph, Frosty the Snowman or Charlie Brown? Frosty baby!
23. Do you send Christmas cards? If I remember in time I do.
24. Favorite Christmas movie? White Christmas

I know, I know, I KNOW!

I have totally sucked on keeping up with this damn thing.

Yes, I went on my trip and had a great time. I actually took some pictures this time! The funniest thing is that there was one part of the trip that will have its own post (someday) and because I'm not used to having my camera, I neglected to take it with me. But no worries, my eloquent word stylings will be enough for you.

In the mean time - here are some things for you to ponder:

1) How good was the Heroes fall finale?!?! huh, huh, huh Why is Peter getting sick? The Haitian spoke? Tinkerbell vs Sylar! Mohinder is still freaking hot.

2) Flatulence forces plane to land - yes I laugh everytime I hear this story.

3) Oy! Vince Vaughn! I'm sorry but if you are going have a fling do it with someone who is not going to email her sorority.

4) 24! 24! 24!