Wednesday, August 10, 2005

What happens in Vegas - goes on the blog

Ok - here is my bachelorette party adventure sans pictures. I dont know if I'll ever get them and well, I dont want to wait to post this little adventure of mine.

I head to the hotel to meet up with the girls and we head out to the Palms to meet up with the limo that will take us to Olympic Gardens and then back to the Palms to Club Rain. When we get to the Palms we are loading up on liquor (because we are cheap and want to be drunk by the time we hit the strip bar) and while drinking in the van in the parking lot (thats so sad huh) we see the sign that they are having the world movie premiere for Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo right around the corner from the main entrance to the Palms. We get out of the car and head over to the bright lights. As we are walking over - security is checking people in limos and if they are "authorized" to show up at the red carpet. I saw one limo being denied as we walked by and I wondered who that might be but opted not to care too much. So we get up to the front and saw David Spade getting out of the limo and then some supporting actors of the movie. We were killing some time, waiting for the rest of the gals to show up when the crowd started to go wild. They started screaming and yelling and then I heard it "OJ! OJ!" Oh yeah - OJ showed up. But he didnt come out of any limo on the red carpet - he was dropped off at the front of the casino and he walked around and onto the red carpet. Now - let me ask washed up are you if you have to invite yourself to a red carpet event? People are screaming "We know you are innocent OJ!" Me? No, I think he's guilty as hell so I knew then it was time to walk away. The limo arrives and we go to the strip joint where...yeah I'm not going to say what happened. Email me and I'll tell you the funny stories but let me say a few things...words to the wise if you will about the strip club.

1) If we are the only girls there because you just doesnt do you guys much good to bombard us with offers of lap dances. All that does is not want to be there.
2) FYI - Coconut oil is not an attractive scent.
3) Note to gay strippers...flagrantly waving that pinkie around kills the illusion.
4) No matter how cute you are - if you dance to the Backstreet Boys - that too kills the illusion.
5) Hot wax - OUCH!
6) If I offer you a dollar when you arent on stage, dont be an ass and just take it. Thats why you were cutoff from the tips the rest of the night.

From Olympic Gardens we went back to the Palms where we had VIP treatment to get into Rain - let me say it was totally awesome to just walk through the whole crowd and go straight to the front of the line. So we get into Rain and the first impression I get is that its way too crowded. We immediately hit the bar and we start to walk around the club. My celeb sighting radar went off and I recognized Ryan Cabrera. Here is the funny thing: I didnt recognize him as Ryan Cabrera - the singer, I recognized him as Ryan Cabrera - Ashlee Simpson's boyfriend. I told the bride to be and she went nuts. Then her friend heard and she went nuts. Holy shit people! They tracked him down and got a picture with him - two other girls in our group got on their cell phones in the very VERY loud club and were telling whoever they were talking to that "WE JUST SAW RYAN CABRERA!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!! HE'S SO CUTE!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!! AHHHHHH!!!!" My friend asked me what was going on and I told her and she's all "Who's Ryan Cabrera?" Yup at that moment we realized we were the old ones in the group. And let me say that was not the only indication that night. We did a lap around the club and there was really no place to be. We managed to find some space and staked it out.

More words to the wise:
1) A hat alone does not make you cool
2) If you look like JJ "Dynomite" Walker - you probably wont be getting any play
3) If you hit on one gal in the group, dont do a lap and try to hit on another girl in the same group - we dont like to be second choice.
4) If you give a girl a lap dance, right there in the middle of the club, dont expect her to give you a lap dance back - thats what strip bars are for.
5) Do not just come up behind a girl and start dancing with them - be a gentleman and at least ask. Otherwise that knee to the groin is the only answer you are going to get.

The night is now dwindling down and we are tired - well the "older" gals. I was done with Rain after about an hour and a half - it was too crowded, hot, and in my opinion overrated. Its about 2am and my friend gets asked to dance (see...gentleman) and next thing you know, she's going to the VIP lounge - the bride to be and her friend tag along. We decide we are done and we keep trying to call her cell because not only does she have all of my stuff in her purse, but she has the car keys as well (by now we are all sober). Finally she texts back that she's partying up there and to come get her later...we ask with who and she said OJ. DAMN THAT MAN! She comes downstairs and gives us the car keys and we leave. We find someone else who is HAMMERED and we help her to the car. After a bad drinking experience for the 22nd birthday, I dont get to the point anymore, I've resolved that watching people get shit faced is a lot more fun than praying to the porcelain god. We get to the car and I ride shotgun. The drunk gal is trying to give directions - apparently she's the shit. As we are driving she's asking me if I think we'd be able to walk around the Four Season's Hotel and find celebrities. I told her that I doubt it but she could try in the morning, I'm thinking that at 230am, it would be frowned upon to go knocking on doors, but thats just me. Then she says - Do you even know what the Four Seasons are? Do I look like a freaking hick? Actually my aunt is an executive with The Four Seasons and I have a very nice set of towels from them. I tell her that and I look in the side mirror and see her face smashed up against the door - which I thought was really funny. Anyways, we start to pull into Jack in the Box for a little late night snack and since the gals in the back seat seem to be sleeping we start to talk about ordering. Then I hear in a faint voice - Chicken Chibata with a Strawberry Milkshake...then snoring. I was dying. We get our food and end up back in the room. I tried to stay up in case my friend called for the ride and next thing I know (about an hour later) they show up. I asked how things went and they said that had fun - overall and how they thought it was interesting that all the gals he had in his VIP room looked like Nicole Simpson. So I asked, if you were having so much fun why did you leave? She said that Suge Knight and his entourage showed up and she couldnt handle being in a room with more than one killer. HAHAHAHA!!! Sorry did that come out? Anyways, quite the interesting and fun trip, not at all what I expected, but at least it was an adventure and I hope you enjoyed it.

1 comment:

mr_g said...

3) If you hit on one gal in the group, dont do a lap and try to hit on another girl in the same group - we dont like to be second choice.

I knew a guy in college who would do that at parties. He'd toss out the same rap over and over to different women...drinking more and more as the night wore on...enduring slaps in the face, drinks thrown at him etc, until finally someone would be drunk/desperate/feeling-sorry-for-him enough to leave with him.